Shaggy

Oh, as for the trip. Cancel it for both of you. The last thing you need to be is spending money right now making her life better, and you need to be home yourself.

Her getting you to go on a trip is just getting you out of the way to keep the affair easier for you.

Now that you're home watch for how she is stepping out to contact him, or using her phone secretly. Have you obtained all passwords to phones, skype, etc? Have you put a keylogger on her PC?

Once the affair is over, and you have a true R, you can talk about a trip together - not before.

btw - has she tried to have sex with you since you returned? I'm guessing not, since she's likely saving herself for the honorable man.

Next time she pulls out the honorable crap repeat this:

An honorable man does not meet up with a married woman for a sex romp.

An honorable man does not tell a married woman he loves her.

An honorable man does not help a married woman take their affair underground through secret email accounts.

Its quite obvious that nether you (wife) or your partner for cheating are either honorable or understand the meaning of the word.

warlock07

The shame is her culture is much greater than what it would be in a Western society. Do you think it is holding her back from leaving you? How do you think her family would react?

unbelievable

What a crock! What straight guy on earth wakes up with a naked woman in his bed and says "we can wait"? She's married! What the hell is she doing buck naked in bed with another guy? Exactly what part of this equation qualifies her as decent wife material? Kick this heifer to the curb and the sooner, the better. She doesn't even possess trace residue of wife material.

Kallan Pavithran

If they are from India/Pakistan they will kick on her A$$. They are people who values their marriage more than their life.

bryanp

She is playing you for such a fool and continues to lie to your face. Please you both need to get tested for STD's. She has no respect for you or your relationship. If you do not respect yourself then who will?

Continue to contact the OM's wife and see a very good attorney to understand your various options. Good luck.

Maricha75

That's a bulls**t answer. My parents have been married 38 years and NOT ONCE did either of them cheat on the other. My dad was a truck driver for 20+ years. He had ample opportunity and he chose to honor his marriage vows. Saying "stuff happens" in 34 years is basically saying you are ok with it! She had sex with him. Doesn't matter if it was vaginal penetration or not. The man touched her there, and she is married to you. They had sex.

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Fvstringpicker

We all know the F'd her. We all know that its like my uncle used to say, "just because she wants to play in the hay doesn't mean she want to leave the barn". Martin is 55. He can easily line himself up with hot babes 10-15 or even 20 years younger. Why does he want to stay with this old cougar who cheats on him. I'm 65 and married a younger chick when I was in my late forties. She's in her early fifties. If Martin stays with this broad, when he's my age, she'll be damn near seventy. Seize to opportunity to upgrade Martin.

OldWolf57

Martin, you want to stay with her, so do the poly to settle it. Set her down and ask her what does she really want. Then tell her you want to stay, but you will never believe there was no P, NEVER !!, and you know she is just saying that to hold the moral advantage, even tho, sex in any form out side is still cheating. Also if he was so damn honorable, he wouldn't be spending the night with a married woman giving her oral. Now, at this point if she still wants to put him on a pedestal and argue. Just ask her what does she want, and do she want to settle this once an for all, Him or you. If you, Spring the poly and don't back down !!! Tell her you will give her the chance now to come clean, but if the poly show she lied, then, tell her of your relocating plans with lots of YOUNG concubines. Tell her you wants to stay wih her, but you will NEVER accept her professing the POS is honorable knowing they slept together. NEVER!!!!! If she is still resisting letting the moral advan. go, you got your answer. She is more concerned of her an his image, than saving the marriage. Also, remind her of all the lies, and trickle truth as the reason for you not believing.

Sara8

I read that it is common for a married cheater to claim their married cheating partner is a good and honorable person.

Why?

Because it's a projection of the way they want to see themselves.

If they can paint another cheater as good and honorable, then that means they are, too.

With that said, you make good points in your post.

Martin12

I have done a lot I haven't mentioned to expose the affair and created a bit of drama in his life. I think it's disrupted, although I can't be 100% sure. At least they know there will be consequences. Of course they could also be conspiring to kill me - and I think this guy has the skills to do it.

The first thing I did when I got home was to search for a second cellphone, because of the way they were texting and calling all of the time.

This is a big question, the extent to which shame/propriety and property issues are the only thing holding her back. I don't know.

The volume of texts and phone calls and the content of their emails (only to March 19, well before they met) speaks to that. But that does not rule out her loving me, too. I'm home to gauge how she feels, the lying is not a good sign.

I don't think she knows how thin the ice she is on with me.

Martin12

Yes, you make excellent points, many of which I have pointed out to my wife, but I will stress it the way you are stressing it.

Martin12

We did, on my initiation (I'm deprived), even after our argument about her story. What can I say, I'm weak.

warlock07

And she was hoping to throw you off the trail. Idiot!!

And when I meant expose, I meant it on her side of the family. Have you discussed this with her? How does she react to the suggestion? Is she remorseful? From what you typed here, she isn't even close to it.

Martin12

She has been quite remorseful, says she is sorry for "leading him on" and "hurting you." Lots of sincere tears in past Skype calls. She feels sad, I am sure there is a mix of things including lost love, some blaming herself for weakness and gullibility (not as much of the latter as I'd like, I think the guy was manipulating her).

morituri

From your other thread:

It would seem from this acknowledgement that your wife may have felt entitled to have her own "revenge affair".

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