I found out my W of 18 years had emotionally checked out on our marriage about 9 months ago. She met the OP at her place of employment, he would go for state mandated drug screening as part of his "release". I pick up on something being off when she asked me one day about how she would look up court proceedings. She had told me his name at that time and I found it very odd that she would be concerned about one of the offices patients. I asked her about it and she called me crazy that the whole office was wondering. I let it go. About a month later she would constantly be on her phone texting and she would always be very careful with how her phone was positioned so as to keep it shielded from me. One morning while she was in the shower, I could not help but go through her phone, and I saw texts to a random number. There was nothing devastating, but things like "cant talk right now", "babe are you there?" So I confronted her and she said it was a girl from work, and I asked about the "Babe" comment and she explained it away as that's what she calles everyone (not that I have ever heard it). But for some reason I felt ok with her explanation of the texts. Shortly there after I went on a business trip, normally she would be very clingly and upset that I was leaving, this time it didn't bother her what so ever. I went on my trip and was gone for a week, our communication was very little, not for my lack of trying, she wouldnt respond or once on the phone it seemed as if she wanted off ASAP! It really bothered me and I asked her and again I was crazy!!! I got home and it didnt even really seem to effect her. I was really in a rough spot and I knew something was wrong, but she denied, denied, denied! Then about a week after I got home, she received a text at about 2am, that she checked and responded to. The next morning I checked our phone records and got the number, and saw this same number over and over and over again, all hours of the night, all hours of the day. So I called it, 3 times no answer and I couldn't understand the Voicemail. Finally the OP called the number showing on his phone (my work #) and got the receiptionist, he wanted to know who was calling him, he thought maybe it was for a job, so she asked his name and gave it to me wondering if I had his name for a job. When I heard the name I knew I had heard it before, but I couldn't put it together, then it hit me! It was the guy that was going in for state mandated drug screens. I confronted her and him and both denied there was any physical contact they were just friends (I did however find out that we were having issues in the bedroom.........NEWS TO ME!!). She vowed the contact would stop, but it didn't it was on and off for another month or so, she contemplated separation. I saw journaling and emails that said she finds herself thinking about him and wishing he wanted her. She claims that she shut down one night when I walked out on her over her accusing me of slapping a girls butt in front of her (I tried to explain what happened, but she told me to get the F away). she says that was her breaking point and that she has not been right sense. She also has made claims of sexual abuse by her father, a cousin and a neighbor which she has claimed before and I have no doubts are true. I admit I prob. didn't do the right thing by walking out, but I wanted to hit a nerve with her as she has a severe jealous streak. She says she is here and trying to make it work, we both are going to counseling but have no couples counseling yet as our counselors feel we need to fix ourselves first. I dont feel like a repair is being made. We feel like most times we are roommates, Intimacy has all but gone out the window. I try and get close, but I feel like shes pulling away, it's almost like I have lost my "Game". We are intimate normally on her terms, which prob. stems from my feeling turned away a lot of times. I don't know necessarily what I'm looking for, I quess ranting helps though. All I know is I need my wife back, I miss what we had.
Sorry your wife is so abusive. You know the tip of the iceberg. This went physical, I'd bet my life's savings.
Ask her to submit to a polygraph and see how she reacts. This will tell you volumes.
I found out my W of 18 years had emotionally checked out on our marriage about 9 months ago. She met the OP at her place of employment, he would go for state mandated drug screening as part of his "release". I pick up on something being off when she asked me one day about how she would look up court proceedings. She had told me his name at that time and I found it very odd that she would be concerned about one of the offices patients. I asked her about it and she called me crazy that the whole office was wondering. I let it go. About a month later she would constantly be on her phone texting and she would always be very careful with how her phone was positioned so as to keep it shielded from me. One morning while she was in the shower, I could not help but go through her phone, and I saw texts to a random number. There was nothing devastating, but things like "cant talk right now", "babe are you there?" So I confronted her and she said it was a girl from work, and I asked about the "Babe" comment and she explained it away as that's what she calles everyone (not that I have ever heard it). But for some reason I felt ok with her explanation of the texts. Shortly there after I went on a business trip, normally she would be very clingly and upset that I was leaving, this time it didn't bother her what so ever. I went on my trip and was gone for a week, our communication was very little, not for my lack of trying, she wouldnt respond or once on the phone it seemed as if she wanted off ASAP! It really bothered me and I asked her and again I was crazy!!! I got home and it didnt even really seem to effect her. I was really in a rough spot and I knew something was wrong, but she denied, denied, denied! Then about a week after I got home, she received a text at about 2am, that she checked and responded to. The next morning I checked our phone records and got the number, and saw this same number over and over and over again, all hours of the night, all hours of the day. So I called it, 3 times no answer and I couldn't understand the Voicemail. Finally the OP called the number showing on his phone (my work #) and got the receiptionist, he wanted to know who was calling him, he thought maybe it was for a job, so she asked his name and gave it to me wondering if I had his name for a job. When I heard the name I knew I had heard it before, but I couldn't put it together, then it hit me! It was the guy that was going in for state mandated drug screens. I confronted her and him and both denied there was any physical contact they were just friends (I did however find out that we were having issues in the bedroom.........NEWS TO ME!!). She vowed the contact would stop, but it didn't it was on and off for another month or so, she contemplated separation. I saw journaling and emails that said she finds herself thinking about him and wishing he wanted her. She claims that she shut down one night when I walked out on her over her accusing me of slapping a girls butt in front of her (I tried to explain what happened, but she told me to get the F away). she says that was her breaking point and that she has not been right sense. She also has made claims of sexual abuse by her father, a cousin and a neighbor which she has claimed before and I have no doubts are true. I admit I prob. didn't do the right thing by walking out, but I wanted to hit a nerve with her as she has a severe jealous streak. She says she is here and trying to make it work, we both are going to counseling but have no couples counseling yet as our counselors feel we need to fix ourselves first. I dont feel like a repair is being made. We feel like most times we are roommates, Intimacy has all but gone out the window. I try and get close, but I feel like shes pulling away, it's almost like I have lost my "Game". We are intimate normally on her terms, which prob. stems from my feeling turned away a lot of times. I don't know necessarily what I'm looking for, I quess ranting helps though. All I know is I need my wife back, I miss what we had.
One quick comment about what you said at the end "I miss what we had". What you had was not working -- both of you need help and to make changes IMO.
Beleive me I have the feeling that it very well could have gone physical. For me either way it's devastating! As for being positive the contact has ended, no I'm not 100% positive. She changed all passwords after I checked her email and found some emails back and forth between her and OP. I have checked the phone records and his number is blocked, but it could be under another. I confront and I feel like the bad guy, I'm always trying to please, you figure I would learn!
One quick comment about what you said at the end "I miss what we had". What you had was not working -- both of you need help and to make changes IMO.
Right, we haven't always been the perfect couple, but we always were very close. I know it doesn't make it right. What I don't understand is why the counselors feel we need to fix ourselves first, and why the marriage cannot be worked on at the same time. A lot of my issues stem from wanting to keep the peace, I hate rocking the boat. But in the end it leads to a lot of stress and anxiety (I'm 38 and have 2 BP Meds, and 2 anxiety meds), mainly because I cant say no even when I know it will lead to turmoil (Insanity) I think is what you call it!!
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Emotional Affair 
