Hi, I'm new here. My husband has had one emotional affair with a female co-worker 2 years ago and I called him out on it. I believe he is having another now with someone 19 years younger than himself. He is now more careful about guarding his cell phone, deleting texts and emails as he goes, etc. He has also changed all his passwords since then (email, facebook and our online phone bill). I want to be a little stealth about looking at phone usage and am torn. I do feel guilty for spying, but I also feel justified. My questions to the group are: what do you think - am I a pyscho (as he would have me believe) for checking his cell phone usage and email, or am I justified? And, any ideas of how can I get ahold of the cell phone bill?
Nope, you`re fine.
I`d be seriously suspicious if my wife locked down all her modes of communication.
There`s only one reason to do this...infidelity of some sort.
What kind of phone does he have?
Who is the cell phone carrier?
Two things you can do to get some info.
-Install a keylogger on the PC.
This will give you the passwords to the accounts you need to access.
-Put a voice activated recorder under the seat of his car.
Velcro it to the underside of the seat.
Personally if my wife refused to grant me access to her phone statement, e-mail, call logs, Facebook, she`d be leaving the house and not returning until she changed her mind or she was served divorce papers.
I simply won`t play these games anymore.
No transparency, no marriage, I`m done.
You should not feel guilty for spying. No, you are not a psycho.
What you are is someone who loves her husband and wants to protect their marriage. You sense that there is a grave danger to your relationship, that is what your gut is telling you.
If he is cheating, he is not going to tell you if you openly confront him. So you should gather as much information, be certain that there is a betrayal, and then seek more advice here before confronting.
The reason that you should gather evidence is that cheaters lie. They are lying to you by keeping their relationship with someone outside the marriage hidden away. They are keeping it secret because they know it is wrong and a betrayal of the marriage. But they also keep it secret because it's very fun, and if you find out the fun will end and you will be very angry. They fall in love with the fantasy and they will go to great lengths to protect it.
Early confrontation nearly always leads to gaslighting (being tricked into thinking it's over) and taking it underground (using even more secretive methods to maintain the affair). This can go on for years--I ought to know.
Here is how I got the cell phone records--I created an online account for his cell phone. He had never set one up. So I went online and set it up, using his email address. Your husband will be notified via that email that the account was created. So you may need to do it at a point where he will be away from email for a while. Create the account, go in and print off every bill that's there (Verizon keeps bills only for the past 12 months). Be sure and print off texting records too. (I did this after the affair was discovered, so didn't have to deal with keeping the creation of the online account a secret.)
Here is how I got the cell phone records--I created an online account for his cell phone. He had never set one up. So I went online and set it up, using his email address. Your husband will be notified via that email that the account was created. So you may need to do it at a point where he will be away from email for a while. Create the account, go in and print off every bill that's there (Verizon keeps bills only for the past 12 months). Be sure and print off texting records too. (I did this after the affair was discovered, so didn't have to deal with keeping the creation of the online account a secret.)
Sounds like he already has an online account established.
Sounds like he already has an online account established.
She just needs the password.
I wasn't clear either way--she says she wants to check the usage and asked how to get a bill.
At least with Verizon, our paper bill that comes in the mail only shows minutes used, but no phone numbers or any other detail.
However, if you register with Verizon online, the phone bills there do show all the usage details, i.e., phone numbers, who initiated the call, locations, time of day, date, etc. Verizon also provides various methods for analyzing usage, pie charts, graphs, top ten called numbers, top ten most expensive calls, etc. etc.
Our online Verizon account also shows a list of texts, i.e., phone numbers that initated the text, location text originated, date, time, etc. but only for the first month.
In the monthly bills (which only go back one year) text usage was listed but not in this same level of detail. However, my husband very conveniently never texted anyone but the AP (hard to believe in 2012, but true!) so the latter fact didn't matter for me.
I installed spy ware from the the web site 'to catch a cheat' (Very good info on there but for a price) It costs 99.00 but its good for a year! All texts, calls and web sites are sent back to you cell!! Now I can see if he is serious about working us out...no girls?? A shot at getting his family back! Go to Spector Soft Posted via Mobile Device
I installed spy ware from the the web site 'to catch a cheat' (Very good info on there but for a price) It costs 99.00 but its good for a year! All texts, calls and web sites are sent back to you cell!! Now I can see if he is serious about working us out...no girls?? A shot at getting his family back! Go to Spector Soft Posted via Mobile Device
Does this program tell you what the texts say or does it just give you the information about the number only.. I would love to be able to see what the text themselves say, I wish I could get some of the deleted ones back and read them to.. OH HOW I WISH..
Oh yes it does!!!! Every sorted detail...pictures too...and your welcome!!! Hahaha
No seriouly this app is amazing! You will have to get ahold of his cell and I suggest you write out all the instructions first to do it fast! Took mw about 30 mins cause it didn't know his phone! 2nd time...don't ask(water damage)...it took me 10 mins! Just remember it delete it on the Download tab! It is a steath system...he will never know...BUT YOU WILl..oh and there is a GPS option too Posted via Mobile Device
This is just..... WOW.. I am so suprised there is tech that can do that!!!! Thanks for the info!!!!
I am sure you are having a hard time, dont worry about the mistakes I do it all the time and I am not even having a glass OF ANYTHING when I do it.. LOL the whole A is enough to boggle your mind somtimes I am suprised I can tie my shoes....
But again Thanks for the site, I am going to check it out.. Do you Know if it gets the deleted text back or is it strictley for the text that are sent or recieved after the program is installed?
I got a few sim cards I keept from his secret cell phones and I would love to retreive the info off those..... thats were all the dirty little details would be found.. Isnt it somthing, we turn into the best PI known to men, if you dont tell then we will go to no ends to get the info ourselves... I never thout I had it in me, but guess if you get pushed to the edge you start to push back.......... OH the tangled webs we weave when once we do decieve..... I aint going to be the one who is tangle....... Ill just keep on snapping those webs SOMEHOW.......
Thanks for the message...you sure do seem to understand. My world crashed yesterday....he finally admitted to me that he had being "sexting" an old girlfriend! After lying about it for 2 months!
Talking about the wicked web we weave...I got him to finally tell me the truth by telling him I hired a lawyer to search his cell phone records and got all the texts...and would be looking at the content in a few hours.....I asked him if I would like what I would be reading and he said NO! I was so shocked I jumped oup of his truck while it was moving (not fast)...and in high heels...gotta laugh now!
He slept in his truchk last night and it was minus 2 degrees and he ran out of gas early in the evening!
My spy ware showed me that he texted my daughters and apologized and he told his best friend that he felt like he died.
Oh, sorry...no unfortunately the spy ware doesn't retrieve old texts but there are options....PI beachlover can guide you (lol) Try a local cell phone detective for the sim card or cheaper, (by a long shot) is a SIM card reader...I didn't have any in my town but they do exist...you just need to download a program (generally free)
I hope that this helps you! I would love it if you kept in touch!
BL
No! You are so not wrong for checking up on him. The thing is, everyone who has not been cheated on feels the way you do. And everyone who has been cheated on wishes they had done more. The guilt comes from not wishing to be some claustrophobic suspicious paranoid bunny boiler. He has already done something wrong and been found out and so he needs a closer monitoring. He has now recently changed ALL passwords. If this is bot suspicious behaviour that deserves further investigation then I don't know what is! He is DEFINITELY up to something he shouldn't be. And you, as his wife, have every right to check up on suspicious behaviour. Beware, and be ready. You will find what you hoped you never would.
If you are happy with no 'real' proof, then just ask him for his passwords for all so that you can take a look. Don't be wishy washy. Ask him with purpose and conviction. So he knows you are not messing about, and so he cannot make you feel that you are unreasonable or crazy. 'What, why, don't you trust me, how dare you not trust me, that is my privacy and has NOTHING (?!!? you're his wife!!!??) to do with you...' yada yada blah blah. If he doesn't tell you and show you with a good degree of sympathy he is guilty.
If you are not comfortable with that approach then gather information. As said above, a keylogger, if he uses the computer, will tell you his passwords. Then you can get into his email. If you can get access to his phone...the best way...then some spyware can be installed and then you get his text messages word for word, his call info, gps, website history etc. If he has locked his phone then the only way into that would be to trick him or front him out. Tell him you want to look through his phone and wait for him to give it you. Practice on your own phone if you can and then minimum time loading it onto his phone. I looked up spyware and it can be downloaded on maximum 5 phones for the yearly subscription of about £160 I think it was.
If neither of the above is possible, or if indeed you want a full and complete approach. Get the Voice Activated Recorder. As mentioned above. In his car, attached to the underside of the passenger seat. Get it there. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. Unfortunately you are definitely going to find something.
If he catches you....bloody hell it is all his own fault for doing what he did and admitted to you. Do NOT tell him what you suspect right now.
Good luck.
Prepare yourself for heartbreak. If it is anything less then it will be a bonus.
Hi all, thanks for the tip on the spyware. I did get the password to the wireless account from a hard copy list of passwords. There are about 100-130 texts to / from her per month since February. Some on my birthday, some on our anniversary (well, we were fighting at the time, but still it's not ok...)
I had confronted him about one text I saw at the end of March and he got very upset when I asked to look at his phone. Luckily for him, after his first emotional affair 2 years ago he started deleting texts as he goes. There were 3 texts from her in the contact list. They seemed incriminating to me, but of course he explained them away (I'm so stupid). However, I knew something was up because of his fear of me seeing the phone in the first place. So at that point he was afraid of what I'd find, but he kept doing it (and still is).
A couple of days after that happened, I looked at his phone again to see the contacts and he had deleted her name. I suspected he saved it under a different name that I couldn't find. But I'm acquaintences with her, too, so I was able to sort the cell numbers on the phone bill to see the ones to /from her.
If your husband has been caught through his cell phone use or thinks you are looking into it he will simply get a pre-paid phone to use for the OW. Don't let him know you have caught him or are looking until you have proof and hard copies to show him. Been there, done that.
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question about cell phone usage 
