00SMI00, how will you know that your wife isn't talking/meeting him? The NC letter, while not a guarantee, is a demonstration of her willingness to end it. If you are in 180, you should also have VERY CLEAR milestones for when you will end it. These are demands you are making of her. And you will have to enforce them.
I didn't insist on one, but only because my WW, by that point, was very obviously and clearly in NC, which I also verified through other means. Having her dismiss the idea is exactly the wrong reason to not do it.
End the affair. Insist on immediate NC. If you don't get it, stay in 180, and expose the affair to everyone - her parents, his wife, his work etc etc. At some point, the A will end because it will become a major pain in the ass. If it continues, beyond a couple of weeks, move the F on.
Ask for complete transparency to all her phones, emails etc. Monitor. But don't reveal your sources. Keep a close eye/ear on what's going on.
And work on yourself. Your family needs you to be healthy and strong. This is a long ****ing road back, and there will be lots of turmoil. Get better. There is several great resources for working through the emotional fallout. Read and educate yourself. There isn't much you can do while she slowly comes out of the fog.
Its very common for women to have emotional affairs. About as common as it is for you to think some girl at the beach or mall is hot. You do things in your mind that are also disrespectful to your wife. We all admit that probably. But getting a woman to admit that she's been emotionally coddling some other dude is very hard to do without her flying off the handle and ripping your b432s off.
Its a silent killer and women need to be well aware of this type of cheating. It kills from within and is silent. Things take place that we allow and that seem acceptable, yet they are slowly causing her to fall in love, or be very attracted to someone else. She may not know it. She may claim its natural. Either way, she allowed the circumstances leading up to this. So we need to take a step back and evaluate the things that our women are doing that could so easily lead to this.
I bet your wife does not allow you to look at pornography. Your wife puts a stop to alot of things that she considers a threat. Shouldnt you be able to do the same?
Not related to her work at all. He was there for an unrelated conference. The short texting conversation I had with him tells me he is a real bull sh****r. Posted via Mobile Device
If he was work related you would need for her to change her work.
Not to add to your concerns but I would have more worries with future trips if she was able to form such a relationship so quickly with a stranger. Hopefully she does not travel so much.
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It doesn't have to be connected to work. The point is that she allowed this guy to come so close that it affected her around the heart area. Maybe it was time spent. Maybe he listened. Maybe it was a compliment. She basically allowed the temptation to be dangled in front of her face without even knowing it. Next thing she knows, she has feelings for the guy.
Those little things that led up to this is almost exactly like you viewing porn or women that are better looking and more desireable than your wife. You're allowing temptation. You're allowing your attention and affection to be directed to other places. The difference is that our issue is blatent and obvious. Her problem comes from man "legal" or "acceptable" actions.
Nothing wrong with a compliment right? Nothing wrong with alot of things. But often times, its those things that catches the womans eye. She also probably spends more time with him than with you. Women spend more time with their work men than they do with you.. Also, those men at work are at their best while shes with them.
We need to open our eyes to the reality of emotional affairs and why they happen. The small things we allow are contributors to them yet we look past them. Watch out for the time spent between your wife and her male companions.
Not really. The only other thing that I thought looked funny on the phone history was a text plus number that I thought was the other mans but it turned out to be a girl friend of hers. I mean if
Something was still going on I'm not sure how they would do it. She's home every night. Hell we have done the deed twice in the last 3 days. And no it's still not like it used to be but not at it's worst either. Posted via Mobile Device
Your lack of attention towards her doesn't justify her cheating.
Don't ever for a second give her the satisfaction of this thought otherwise. She can't blame you for her irresponsible actions.
__________________ Shaggy: Men of integrity don't have affairs. They don't have affairs not because there aren't other wonderful women out there besides their wives, they don't have affairs because as men of integrity they choose not to.
Your lack of attention towards her doesn't justify her cheating.
Don't ever for a second give her the satisfaction of this thought otherwise. She can't blame you for her irresponsible actions.
I agree. Lack of attention is a two way street. She is 100% responsible for her own actions. I don't think I can let this go until she sees this is all on her. Posted via Mobile Device
Not really. The only other thing that I thought looked funny on the phone history was a text plus number that I thought was the other mans but it turned out to be a girl friend of hers. I mean if
Something was still going on I'm not sure how they would do it. She's home every night. Hell we have done the deed twice in the last 3 days. And no it's still not like it used to be but not at it's worst either. Posted via Mobile Device
Does she know you discovered the affair via the phone bills? If so, if she were in contact with him now, why would she bother using the phone that you monitor? Just trying to understand this.
Does she know you discovered the affair via the phone bills? If so, if she were in contact with him now, why would she bother using the phone that you monitor? Just trying to understand this.
Work phone, work email, secret email accts, facebook, burner phone. Although most one night stands are just that or in this case a weekend stand?
Does she know you discovered the affair via the phone bills? If so, if she were in contact with him now, why would she bother using the phone that you monitor? Just trying to understand this.
Yes I understand that. I have been looking and so far nothing. Her big tip off about the affair is how she was acting and then I started looking and found the activity on the phone bill. Posted via Mobile Device
Yes I understand that. I have been looking and so far nothing. Her big tip off about the affair is how she was acting and then I started looking and found the activity on the phone bill. Posted via Mobile Device
And just to revisit the No Contact letter again. Is there a particular reason you think she'd laugh in your face if you suggested it? Do you have any other reasons why you're opposed?
Just some more background on that topic--our MC, who has specific infidelity experience / training (a very wise old man he's proven to be in many ways), spent quite a lot of time discussing an "ending ritual" with my husband and I, basically the same idea that is discussed by Dr. Harley in Surviving an Affair and Shirley Glass in Not Just Friends, where the letter is handwritten officially declaring no contact and sent certified mail by the loyal spouse.
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Re: Emotional Affair 
