WS told me that he thought he loved the OW because he was attracted to her. She threw herself at him (totally his fault for caving - yes) but she knew that he was married with 2 young children. Now he says that she was just a cheap thrill and he was weak...cheap - yes. I think someone else posted on here that some women are just groomed to have affairs and break up marriages - I think she is the posterchild for it. Her current man is the same one that she has been with for 4 years before, during and after WS affair....and she admitted to my husband that she has had affairs with married men before and got the current one while he was engaged. She lost nothing...still has her sugar daddy she had before, just wanted to move on with my husband and told him that they had to move fast right after he told me because she had to get out of the situation she was in. She sent me nasty emails (via his email account) that I just needed to let him go and that he was not happy and they were soul mates and one day I would find someone. I have never responded to her caddiness and self absorbtion. Hmmmmm....where is her soul mate now and why is she referred to as a cheap thrill and why is my husband so remorseful for what he did? Doesn't sound like love or soul mates to me....big mistake, yes.
I truly believe that some women target married men because they (married men) have something to lose. They make mistakes (huge selfish mistakes), and then the OW has something to hold over their head - threatens to expose them, etc....this happened to me. I also read once that "tarts r very jealous girls thats why they get some sick thrill out of it ..and its all becoz they could never b that good wife to anyone an they know it"....just my 2 cents.
She sent me nasty emails (via his email account) that I just needed to let him go and that he was not happy and they were soul mates and one day I would find someone. .
Wow. What trash.
I think a lot of OW (especially serial OW, the ones who repeatedly are into married dudes) are insecure and narcissists. Think about it--you'd have to be really insecure to make a career out of that. I thi nk they get off on the fact that they are w/ someone's partner BUT if the tables were turned, they would hate it.
LeAnn Rimes is a perfect example of this. Granted, Idk if she has a serial cheat history but the way she rubs the affair and now-marriage in her husband's ex-wife face constantly shows that she is actually really insecure. If someone felt better abou themselves, they would absolutely not do that. In fact, they'd go out of their way to not make a spectacle of it.
It's the old irresistable force vs immovable object debate.
The power of meat is strong, Luke.
Really, though, what I was trying to point out is that regardless of degrees and credentials(like this so called therapist), there are a fair number of people, men and women, operating on a very primitive, base level.
You show them a crotch and they want it.
Smart enough? It seems like a sad existence to me. Taking the crumbs offered by a married man. Meeting him when it's convenient for him. Being his dirty little secret on the side. Believing the lies of a practiced liar.
I apologize if this is kind of fragmented an doesn't flow well, I started writing this a cupel days ago, with the thought of not sure if I should post it, and have been coming back to edit/add to it.
It is, it really, really is. At this point I guess you could say I am a serial other woman, and have been from the get go. I have been with taken men for free, and for money. My first kiss, and feel up/3rd base (if I remember my based right) were when I was 14 was with a grown man who was weeks away from getting married. I lost my virginity a year later to younger guy who was living with his girlfriend. It is a sad, depressing, pathetic thing to be and do for sure. I can't speak for others, but I am an ugly woman, and operate out of insecurity, and am simply thinking of my own sad self, and nothing else. Reading through this thread, its all true, and it feels awful. Thats why the poster nonjudgemental is so hostile. Offense is the best defense for sure.
I never even wanted any of the married men I have been with for my own, none of them have ever left their wives (not that had anything to do with me at least). I actually get my feelings hurt for the wives, when their men are talking badly about them, I try to help them see things from their wives side and take a new approach to their relationship. For christ sake, how deluded is that? I can't even explain it, and I am sorry. I am so sorry for all of it. I am sorry for myself, for the man, and most of all for the wife, the innocent one in it all. I have never though, not once, even fooled around with a married man who had kids at home, so I like to pretend that I at least have some fraction of a moral floating around in me.
Anyway, I am here to say its ABSOLUTELY the choice of the other woman (or other man) to partake in helping a married man cheat on his wife. We accept the advances, instead of turn them down. As I read somewhere once, in a book I think written by another serial other woman, "I need my sisterhood card revoked." I have even been accused by more then one of the married men I have been involved with, of flirting with them first, though I clearly remember trying hard NOT to, because despite my repeat actions, I know being involved with a married man is one of the worst things in the world to do. So I know there is something I am doing that I am not fully aware of.
Each one has the SAME stories. Different face, same story. Sexless marriage, love their wives and don't want to leave but need to get off, and its always the "first time I Have ever done something like this" (Excep one and I always thought he was a complete sociopath), and they all talk a much bigger talk about being passionate in texts and emails, but when it came to it, all of them (except the sociopath he was very passionate, he almost tricked me into thinking he was really into me and not just the sex) were very reserved and talked about their wives almost constantly. Its sad, it makes me really sad. Its a horrible feeling to be used for emotional and physical masturbation. Thats all it is.
I have a friend who is also a bit of a serial other woman, and has a real hostile attitude much like nonjudgemental has. She feels blameless, and even goes as far as to take on a victim attitude about it all, and I know for a fact she feels VERY bitter about the fact that both of the married men she's been with kicked her to the curb the instant their wives found out. I try to help her see her role in it all, and how she can only control her own actions, and the only way to not have her feelings hurt by a married man, is to NOT have a married man in her life!
I know I have been writing a lot of weird stuff on here recently, its all true, no bull. THe reason why I have been reading here is because I am struggling to better myself. Reading the boards in some ways has been more helpful then therapy. If nothing less, its given me some respect and empathy to the bond that couples sometimes struggle to keep between them.
Thank you for your point of view, Illbehisfoolagain.
I hope you can get the help that you need and the confidence to find your own man and stop with the silly games. Your post was brutally honest so I think you are on the right path.
is a sad, depressing, pathetic thing to be and do for sure. I can't speak for others, but I am an ugly woman, and operate out of insecurity, and am simply thinking of my own sad self, and nothing else. Reading through this thread, its all true, and it feels awful. Thats why the poster nonjudgemental is so hostile. Offense is the best defense for sure.
Well, yeah. Generally people who get so defensive like that is because they know they are in the wrong.
....who actually believe they take precedence over the wife?
I don't associate myself with women who sleep with other women's husbands. I stopped seeing a hair stylist because she would constantly talk about the married man she was with. This woman would get angry that the man's wife would call him. "She always calls when we're together!" I told this woman that a wife has every right to call her husband. Didn't this slag realize that she was just a side dish?
A cousin of mine expected her married man not to be intimate with his wife. "We are in a relationship! He shouldn't have sex with someone else while we are together!" I don't understand that kind of logic. Can someone explain?
Meh, my "favorite" was reading an admitted cheating wife become indignant when she discovered her husband was also cheating on her. She was crushed. Then she got called out by the other cheating wives who pointed out her rather hypocritical stance.
My CH then took legal advise from the OW. Seems the OW took a class on criminal law and, being a stay at home mom, has the time to search the web for legal remedies to take against his "awful" wife.
CH must have forgotten that I work for a local attorney, well versed in Domestic Law.
Her advise is going to cost him. Let the games begin.
Exactly. The OW in my husband's affair was cheating on her own very sweet husband.
My husband talks about her as if she were simply a convenient F buddy. He knew she would do the same to him, if they ever married. He was not interested in marrying her.
why would any one go off with the affair partner after the affair???? thats not the point of the affair.
sometimes i recall one of my favorite movies..she devil...
a man burns hot for the mistress, but quickly cools when she starts acting like a wife....
if the mistress is now the current girlfriend, with the possibility of becoming the next wife, she will get the same royal treatment that the orginal wife got.
it all hinges on fantasy. it has to be the perfect moments. yes the other women do get upset when the guy is attending to his wife..outside of birthdays, and such.
i dont know why the other women fall for a married guy..he is lying about everything...maybe some dont talk about home so much as the affair continues.
but how else did the affair start. someone started talking about life at home, and someone else said, hey that sucks and sounds sooo similar to my home life....
and since you cant be out done, the stories are taken out of context and slightly ad-libbed for shock value, and of course sympathy.
so it already started on lies, so it will continue on lies. why would husband and wife not sleep together...[aside from sexless marriages], why would they not spend time together...
soft truths are spun to a not so favorable light...so if the other woman and this married guy actually got together, then she would see all his bullsh!t for what it really was... bullsh!t.
the affair depends on lies, and someone stupid enough to believe it all....and someone stupid enough to tell lies to someone stupid enough to believe them...
i also want to add, some women are preditors. i am also guilty of serial cheater too.
if i had not had a great guy in my life who showed me i was better than that. it made me look inside me and think about all the reasons for the way i was.
i [at one point years ago] thought nothing of going after married men. wasnt my problem. i didnt care. i am glad i stopped and thought about the life i was getting ready to commit my self to.
for me, it was daddy issues...yea i know how classic..but there it is, i was looking for valadation in other men, prob married men, because my dad was married to not my mom...
so you can draw the lines, but like i said, i had a great guy, and that made me look at choices, like, how long can i blame my mom for how i am, and when is it time for me to be responsible for my own life.
i also want to add, some women are preditors. i am also guilty of serial cheater too.
if i had not had a great guy in my life who showed me i was better than that. it made me look inside me and think about all the reasons for the way i was.
i [at one point years ago] thought nothing of going after married men. wasnt my problem. i didnt care. i am glad i stopped and thought about the life i was getting ready to commit my self to.
for me, it was daddy issues...yea i know how classic..but there it is, i was looking for valadation in other men, prob married men, because my dad was married to not my mom...
so you can draw the lines, but like i said, i had a great guy, and that made me look at choices, like, how long can i blame my mom for how i am, and when is it time for me to be responsible for my own life.
Hopefully, you made restitution and informed the MM's'wives. You exposed them to your entire, apparently extensive, sexual history and they need to be tested.
Hopefully, you made restitution and informed the MM's'wives. You exposed them to your entire, apparently extensive, sexual history and they need to be tested.
this didnt happen. it just could have. i was saved from myself. i just had that view and out look.
my husband gave me tough love, and i chose life with him. HE saved me. he saw me for me, and loved me anyways. i wanted to be a better person for him.
he didnt think i was damaged, he didnt want to fix me. he wanted and needed me to fix my self...for me, and him.
my husband and i have had our ups and downs...but i remember little things we had and did. [keeps me in line..]
but over all, this other life that would have been so easy, so justified, so selfish....didnt happen...i didnt ruin anybody's marriage.
this just the thoughts that i had...it prob seems scatterbrained, or blunt...but im recalling things from well over 18 years or so, ago.
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Re: What is it with OW's.... 
"She always calls when we're together!" I told this woman that a wife has every right to call her husband. Didn't this slag realize that she was just a side dish?
I don't understand that kind of logic. Can someone explain?
