Hi folks,
It's been awhile so I figured I'd check in. Things have improved. I've spent the summer in observation ... VAR, GPS, email, etc ... and nothing that is suspicious has popped up. We have been going through ups and downs, and things have improved somewhat. It could have been my imagination playing with me. For now we seem good but, I'll be keeping my eyes wide open as we go forward. This forum has made me much more aware than I previously was and I have a better understanding of the "signs" of trouble. I hope to check in again soon. Thanks to all.
I'm not finished but am getting through it. Hope to finish it this weekend. Been distracted by kid issues lately. It has been helpful for me, in the self esteem and behavior departments.
The W actually found the book and commented on it ("Looking for a how-to on sex??? ... har-har"). Dumb me, I left it out on my nighstand one day.
Hasn't been staying at family house as much lately. That has diminished for whatever reason.
Update ....
Things had been going better so I hadn't posted lately.
However, the last few weeks it's been different. W runs hot and cold ... huggy one day, cool the next. No sex for the last 3 weeks now.
One change is she hired a new male trainer about a month ago and has been busy with that a lot. Several meetings a week. I haven't found any suspicious emails or anything but ... latest red flags are:
* no intimacy in the last 3 weeks (longer than usual)
* new male trainer
* running hot and cold (way more than usual)
* she just changed her Facebook password
* her cell phone is now password-locked
Time for the VAR again! Maybe this time I'll catch something.
Update ....
Things had been going better so I hadn't posted lately.
However, the last few weeks it's been different. W runs hot and cold ... huggy one day, cool the next. No sex for the last 3 weeks now.
One change is she hired a new male trainer about a month ago and has been busy with that a lot. Several meetings a week. I haven't found any suspicious emails or anything but ... latest red flags are:
* no intimacy in the last 3 weeks (longer than usual)
* new male trainer
* running hot and cold (way more than usual)
* she just changed her Facebook password
* her cell phone is now password-locked
Time for the VAR again! Maybe this time I'll catch something.
All of these are big time red flags.
She is definitely hiding something now. Put a keylogger on the computer so you can get the passwords and see what she is up to.
Try to find the phone password if you can or get it while it is not locked up (her in the shower of bath).
Also the time she spends with this trainer needs to be watched closely. Are you sure she is actually at the gym with him or could they hop in his car and take a little drive?
PI to follow her for a couple of weeks might be a great idea.
Hi folks,
It's been awhile so I figured I'd check in. Things have improved. I've spent the summer in observation ... VAR, GPS, email, etc ... and nothing that is suspicious has popped up. We have been going through ups and downs, and things have improved somewhat. It could have been my imagination playing with me. For now we seem good but, I'll be keeping my eyes wide open as we go forward. This forum has made me much more aware than I previously was and I have a better understanding of the "signs" of trouble. I hope to check in again soon. Thanks to all.
HF
Either start training for a triathlon so you can do the training next to her or get the evidence.
Bad idea to let your wife train with a male personal trainer. She's spending lots of time alone with him. It's a physical activity, he probably touches her a lot. It's a great recipe for bonding to occur.
Tell her outright that you want to use her phone. If she balks ask her why it's locked and to unlock it. If she says it's private, tell her that she's mistaken. It isn't private between husband and wife.
Update ....
Things had been going better so I hadn't posted lately.
However, the last few weeks it's been different. W runs hot and cold ... huggy one day, cool the next. No sex for the last 3 weeks now.
One change is she hired a new male trainer about a month ago and has been busy with that a lot. Several meetings a week. I haven't found any suspicious emails or anything but ... latest red flags are:
* no intimacy in the last 3 weeks (longer than usual)
* new male trainer
* running hot and cold (way more than usual)
* she just changed her Facebook password
* her cell phone is now password-locked
Time for the VAR again! Maybe this time I'll catch something.
She is relapsing, WS'es in an R don’t do this.
This is what happens when you don't hold their feet to the fire and reward them by being a better husband when they cheat. You are in a false R and you bet she is fantasizing about leaving.
You need to start working out the logistics for leaving the M yourself because that might be what it takes to either wake her up OR for you to find someone better.
Locking the phone seems to indicate a change in the method she is/was using to communicate with someone. A method she needs to keep hidden from you. If it was only voice communication, all that would show up on her phone would be the call log.
If she has switched to or started using texts, then the texts would stay on her phone until she deleted them thus she needs to keep you from accessing the phone.
If it is an iPhone it can be backed up on your computer and you can use iTunes to view the actually text messages.
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Re: suspect my wife ... GPS recommendations? 
