Bryan, she is nothing less than spectacular, and whatever happens, this isn't going to be any rebound relationship. She is dropdead gorgeous, loving, INTELLIGENT, and nurturing, and she seems to like ol BB a lot!!
Has she the patience of Job as well?
Because no matter how she loves you she isn`t going to deal with this crap from your Ex for eternity.
In fact you disrespect her patience and understanding by not putting a halt to it.
Who are you bound to "by honor" your girl or your Ex?
I would have to assume that when they split up, she would have had the emotional support of friends and family. If so, then those are the people she should be leaning on. Certainly not her ex that has moved on.
Manipulation, as you mentioned on your other post, seems alarmingly accurate.
It may very well be true that such an issue needs to be addressed but it needs to be addressed by his x-wife not Badblood.
BadBlood needs to take mori`s advice above and go dark on her.
This ain`t his problem and he`s now being negatively affected by his ex yet again or should I say "still".
There`s a quote I stumbled on somewhere ...
"When you find that YOU are reaping the consequences of what someone else has sown.....you are enabling."*
-Unknown
Stop it BB...go dark on her.
You`re her crutch and that`s just as bad for her as it is for you.
Good point. Thanks. Yes, SHE needs to address what is missing in HER life that makes her still maintain contact with her Ex who has moved on. She should address THAT issue with family and/or friends and not her EX.
Thanks, my friends, but it isn't as easy as all that. I could "go dark", on her, but what would that say about me? I am a man of principle, and I feel honor bound to help her.
Do you feel honor bound to help her or do you feel it is your job to "fix" her?
I notice in one of your other post that you said you did not want to be the "cause" of her problems. YOU are not the cause. Your STBXW is the cause of her own problems. She is the one that cheated - not you. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HER SITUATION. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HER HAPPINESS OR WELL BEING.
She is not your problem any longer and you cannot be expected to be the one she reaches out to in this situation.
Get another phone number or get another phone. Do not answer her calls.
BB nobody said it was going to be easy, I should know. You can't erase a decade or more of memories with the woman who was once the most important person in your life. But all things eventually come to an end, you as a soldier should know this brutal fact of life better than anybody. You do her no favors by maintaining contact with her, she has to learn to live her life without you.
Good point. Thanks. Yes, SHE needs to address what is missing in HER life that makes her still maintain contact with her Ex who has moved on. She should address THAT issue with family and/or friends and not her EX.
I have seen the light...lol Go Dark.
SW, that is a huge part of her problem. Aside from her sister , who she now lives with, the rest of her family give her no support at all. They are possibly the worst family I've ever experienced. They are all about "keeping up appearances", and because she has mental issues, they would just as leave lock her away and forget about her. They have a history of sweeping unpleasant family issues under the rug. Her abusive , drunk father , a mother who thinks more of money than of her children, and siblings who are the most greedy, and grasping people I know. She does have one good sister (the one she lives with) but nobody else who cares about her well being.
I talked with both her and her sister this morning. She apologized for calling me, but doesn't remember much of what she said. Her sister says that they are admitting her to hospital for observation and to re-evaluate her medication with regards to her hormonal issues. She says that her periods are becoming very infrequent but very hard, and she has been taking some over-the-counter medication for the pain and discomfort. The doctor says she might be going through premature menopause.
Your new GF may be accepting of this, and patient, but at some point this will have a negative impact on your new relationship. There will be a time, maybe soon, when she will need to know that she is the only woman in your life.
Think about this. Don't blow it!
Your XW is a master manipulator. s
She cheated on you repeatedly, from what I recall. You owe her nothing. Focus on you and your GF. Her family and doctors can take care of her(if sje really has anything wrong with her other than being a drama queen(.
Bryan, she is nothing less than spectacular, and whatever happens, this isn't going to be any rebound relationship. She is dropdead gorgeous, loving, INTELLIGENT, and nurturing, and she seems to like ol BB a lot!!
No talking about yourself in the third person. Herschel Walker was always doing that and he is a bit nuts.
Here's the problem: you are now the equivalent of the boy who bags her groceries to your ExW. You are not related to her; she is not related to you; and one loving human being to another, you owe her nothing. Why doesn't she call the grocery bagger when she attempts suicide? Why doesn't she call the guy who pumps her gas? You know why? Because they would not give her the attention she craves nor would she be able to manipulate them to get what she wants.
Here's the truth, BadBlood--she is a fully grown, adult woman and SHE is now responsible for herself, her mental health, her physical health, her relationships to her family, her relationships to others (such as co-workers and friends) and her relationship to those who would support her. When she turns to you, she is asking YOU to do things that SHE should be doing!! And what's worse, by doing them for her, you cripple her and pretty much guarantee that she will not grow! Seriously BadBlood, you are doing her HARM by not giving her the freedom to address her issues HERSELF...she may do well and she may do poorly but whatever she does do, she will have the satisfaction of knowing SHE did it!
Furthermore, I think the reason that you don't "cut her loose" or "let her go" as so many have so wisely suggested here has nothing to do with HER or her weakness or inability. I personally believe you want to keep the image alive in your head that you are a savior. Yep that's right--you want to keep that myth going that without you, she couldn't cope and couldn't "do it." So when she calls, you feed into her manipulation so you can tell your own self that you are her knight in shining armor.
In addition, by continuing the unhealthy interaction with your ExW, thereby giving her the false crutch that she's not responsible for her illness and dealing with her life, and by continuing the image that you are her savior, you give her the power to damage and probably irreparable harm your current, more healthy relationship!!
BadBlood, please stop pretending that what you are doing is "helping" her or even good for you. It's not and we can all see that. Do you REALLY love her (one loving human being to another)? Then be brave enough to realize you can not save her, and give her the respect of letting HER take responsibility for her own mental health and life!!!! Be strong and convince yourself that without you...SHE CAN DO IT! She may crumble and have to rebuild a whole new her, but you two are divorced now and SHE DOES NOT NEED YOU IN HER LIFE!!!
Now, I'm giving you this gentle 2x4 because I care about you. The best thing you can do for her is to contact her and copy maybe like her sister, and tell them that effective today you are changing your phone number, your email, your FB (any way that she has of getting in touch with you) and you will not be giving her that new contact information. Let them know that you have faith in her ability to cope with her life and her choices, and that although sometimes "blood-relative" family may let us down, that "family" in the form of people who love and care for you can come from others in her life.
Then give your new phone number, email, FB etc. to your new GF only--and if by chance your ExW does track down your new info, BLOCK HER. Do not text. Do not answer calls. Immediately delete emails without reading them. Then deal with your own withdrawal from your ExW and proceed on with your life. YOURS... the two of you, not three. Let her go and deal with the pain of missing her but never, EVER communicate with her again. For her sake, set her free so she can start to learn to use her wings to fly.
She has her sister. Seek legal advice and give her sister power of attorney to act for you as wife's guardian if and when she needs medical care. Otherwise if she shows up on your doorstep, etc. you will be legally responsible for her. God forbid she dies on your watch. Even if it was her who left you or had an affair or whatever (have not followed your story) there is guilt by association...if she had an affair and left you and something happens to her, your motive/responsible action could be questioned. Who needs that? Personally, someone who tries to take their own life is being violent. It just looks desperate, but it is a violent response to being out of control. Shore yourself up, and watch your back, front and every other direction.
She should be her sister's problem now. Not yours. It's a 'conflict of interest' for you to be her responsible next of kin.
Thanks, my friends, but it isn't as easy as all that. I could "go dark", on her, but what would that say about me? I am a man of principle, and I feel honor bound to help her.
You help her by giving someone else legal access to her in order to help her. Like her sister. Send a clear signal that you are no longer involved.
I had to do this with a narcissistic blind diabetic guy. I sure was glad I was several months out of the picture when he died. I did give his brother fair warning as well as a hospital social worker. Cross your t's and dot your i's as to notifying the appropriate people, wash your hands well and air dry them in public. Then put them up, turn around and walk away slowly. Do not look back.
36Likes
Re: Bad day at Black Rock 
Helping couples recover and reconcile after an affair or keep their marriages affair-free at 
