Hi everyone... Well here I am looking at advice or thoughts on my poor actions over the May long weekend...
Here is my story. I've been with my husband for 5 years, married for 2. No children yet because I had 2 m/c in the past year. He is currently working at a camp job and we only see each other 6 days every month. I've been having a tough time with his job and find myself feeling bored and lonely many of nights. I try to suck it up but its been nearly a year and it's not getting easier. He knows very well that I'm not happy with his job and will make attempts to get a job close to home. No promises and that is something that I'm having to live with. I will tell you right now that I'm head over heels in love with my husband but really f**ked up!!
Ok so now you know the background...
On Friday night... I went out drinking with a girlfriend who is single and known to be quite ****ty. Not that I can judge her at this point.. Anyways, we meet a couple guys at a bar and hang out which was very harmless. I was attempting to just be there as the married friend while she can meet a guy or 2. Well many drinks later, Bad move #1 I let these 2 guys come over to my house.. Conveniently, the bar is only 3 blocks from the house so its stupid close. Bad move #2 I let the sexual tension build between one guy and myself.. Bad move #3 He kisses me and I kiss him back Bad move #4..5..6? Keep kissing him. He gets my shirt and bra off... I let him kiss me... Then I had flashes of losing my husband and how this was no longer a game.. I grab my clothes and tell him I can't go any further. I keep asking myself.. How could I be so stupid? Why did I let these strangers come into my house and look at wedding pictures on my wall? I feel so guilty and ashamed of this. I feel like I should maybe tell my husband but then I'm afraid of the repercussions. Is it better for me to keep this ****ty secret to myself and learn from it or tell him and face the unknown?
Anyways, we meet a couple guys at a bar and hang out which was very harmless. I was attempting to just be there as the married friend while she can meet a guy or 2. Well many drinks later, Bad move #1 I let these 2 guys come over to my house
If I were your husband I'd ask what the hell did you think was going to happen when you invite a guy back to your house. Unless you are completely naive, which I doubt, you had to be aware of where this was heading and that you were knowingly putting yourself in harms way. BTW, if there is a next time, the guy will likely hit a home run. ( and you'll know it when you bring him home)
That's now the big problem ---H., is not around, and actually both of those scum---know where Tina lives, cuz she welcomed them into her home.
If they do show up---what is she gonna do------she more than likely is not strong enuff mentally, to withstand a hard push at her to have sex, especially if she is in a down mood---she won't fight it---eventually she will cave----and probably the guy/guys could even take advantage of her physically, and just plain have their way with her---is she does get raped---its nothing more than her word, vs his word-----You just never know what you get yourself into, when you mess around with complete strangers
Meanwhile H., knows absolutely nothing about any of this----Tina you very possibly got yourself into one big mess, you need to have some kind of plan in place, just in case one or both of these guys DO SHOW UP AT YOUR DOOR!!!!!!!And no matter what if they try to contact you electronically in any way----YOU HAD DA*N WELL BETTER IGNORE THEM COMPLETELY!!!!!!!
What you did was terrible. What you do from here could be disastrous if you handle it wrong. The chances that there is something to gain from telling him are slim. If you are sure now one knows you; you may be better of to beat yourself up (or let us help you ) and keep it quiet.
I see no gain in telling him this if you have learned your lesson. If you have not learned this lesson then go ahead and tell him and make an appointment with a lawyer as you may very well need it.
If you tell him you will cause him hurt that will endure for years and years.
I haven't logged a vote yet, and I'm glad I didn't. I don't have to change it now. I'd been leaning towards the "tell him" argument (that post comparing it to buying insurance was a classic). But it's not a slam dunk that he's going to hear anything you can't lie your way out of (yes, this is the first day of the rest of your life keeping a BIG secret from him). And it will devastate him. And if you really love him, having this lie hanging over your relationship will haunt YOU every day, which I like (sorry to be mean, but as I mentioned earlier, a wife tramping around meat markets playing the part of wingwoman for a toxic friend is my "FAVORITE" topic).
Here's the reasoning behind my vote. After the blameshifting, you are going to try the "drunken mistake" argument. That alone could be bad enough for him. Could be a deal breaker right there (No kids, right?). He could very well leave you after that. But add the fact that this was planned well ahead of time. Minimum, discussed at great length with your trashy toxic friend for weeks. You KNEW what you were looking for when you went out. You WANTED to get laid by a stranger. And after weeks of preliminary discussions for weeks and careful planning for days, you implemented operation "get my lonely married wife laid" for HOURS before the guilt stopped you.
Planned w.h.o.r.i.n.g, looking for strange, getting it and going that far with it will almost surely kill your marriage. I was a f.u.c.k.i.n.g IDIOT for staying with my tramp wife. And having a strange man that his s.l.u.t wife WILLINGLY and KNOWINGLY picked up in a meat market sucking her titty right in front of his wedding picture...
Don't tell him. He doesn't need that in his life. And the fact that it will haunt YOU for the rest of your life is just icing on the cake. It will be obvious why you didn't tell him when he finds out. That won't matter.
You made your bed, dolly. Have fun sleeping in it all by yourself for the rest of your life.
Oh, and if you tell him, you'll need to dump the toxic friend. And you don;t want to do that. Other than being a marriage wrecking w.h.o.r.e, she's really a good person and good for you. (I wonder how many married men she's picked up in bars).
I could be estimating on the high side BL, but I think we all know a married chick who wants to play ain't gonna have no trouble finding a playmate at a bar. (or anywhere else)
Bar, church, tattoo parlor, convent... the list could go one. Oops, I guess (anywhere else) covers it.
Sadly I have to agree, a married woman who wants sex will find sex easily. I haven't been hit on by a single woman ever so I can't attest to the other statistic. I guess being fugly kind of protects me that way.
Hey Couple---I ain't talking about a mess with the H----I am talking about the fact that 2 scumbag jerks, who she knows nothing about know where she lives, and know that she just might wanna have sex, as her actions on the night she invited them over, might indicate----that is her problem, and it could be there for a long time to come----you just do not bring complete strangers of that sort to your home!!!!!!
Really scary thought. I fear my STBXW is going to one day find herself in this exact situation, as she flirts her @$$ off with every human with XY chromosomes.
Sorry Bill but this makes no sense. You would rather not know that your wife goes to a bar and meets a stranger and goes home with him immediately to have sex with him. You would rather not know that she has screwed him 4 times. You would rather not know that that she has put your health at risk for STD's by screwing a stranger 4 times? Sorry Bill but it is clear that you are still in big time denial. Your advise is terrible.
Your wife has major problems and cannot be addressed if she simply hides it from you.
Some times people just make mistakes. That is exactly what I feel the tina2244 did here , so I still say she should keep it to herself. No reason to ruin her marriage over a kiss and a feel. And yes I would rather not know about my wife's cheating.
My friends were not there, they do not know. Her girlfriend is not a friend of mine and does not hang in the same circles as myself and my friends do.
Also if I read tina's posts correctly , her friend did not witness her indiscretions , no one at the bar knows her, and no neighbors saw the men at the house. So unless she talks her husband will never know, and that is the way I would play it.
Hey Bill---your kidding right????/---you don't wanna know---you don't seem to wanna know anything about your mge/wife---including why the F., is she going to bars with a single women in the FIRST PLACE???????------I sure hope the 2 of you ain't got any kids depending on you!!!!!!
Look, I didn't go into the entire story of my wife's cheating. Once she told me about it, I took steps to confirm it was indeed over, and in almost a years time with continued surveillance , nothing else has happened. So yes, I would rather not know.
Chances are if her cheating was a long term affair I would have found out on my own and things would be different.
The Kids are all grown and have given us many beautiful grand kids and all are doing just fine, thanks for asking.
Hey Bill---OK---I understand a little more, about your situation
You are probably very close to/already in your golden years---so any drastic changes are hard to deal with, and yes getting cheated on late in life, and finding out about it, are very hard on you----its not so easy to just get up and walk away
But let me ask you this---how do you stomach your wife---knowing she had no problem whatsoever, going off with a complete stranger, and letting him have his way with her----or are there problems with your mge., that would give her rise to demonize you, and justify the cheating???? Cuz if you had a basically good mge., why would she do this---and do not ever call what she did a mistake---A ONS, is a planned event, and your wife, went thru a good 5 or 6 stop signs to get to the point where she spread her legs for her lover, that night and 3 other times---that was never a mistake---that was you being treated like a POS, and totally disrespected.
At first I looked at her as a cheating Wh*re, an effing Sl*t. For months all I did was think about her being with the OM. The sight of her sickened me. However she realize she screwed up big time, and like tina alcohol was involved (no excuse), she also saw the pain she has cause me and she really has turned things around 100% but I still have to deal with the "knowing". I admit at one point I had my suspicions and it was actually me confronting her that got her to confess, but looking back at the damage it caused I would have preferred she lied.
Look maybe it's the wrong way to look at it but the cheating was over before she told me about it, so I would really rather she just kept it to herself. Yes she stabbed me in the back, showed no respect for me at all , she met him 4 times in a two week period, yep, sucks big time, but my head would feel better if it did not contain the info. That's the best I can explain it.
Tina, if you are still lurking, you need to realize that there ARE some posters, who seriously want to help you, and not just make little snarky , pansy, comments.
Yes there are. There are also some people here that believe what you posted. They believe you had to much to drink and made some bad decisions. However you came to your senses and put a stop to things before any real damage was done.
I think the real damage was done. Would penetration have made it worse. I suppose but the damage is done. Some folks feel anything goes as long as you can wash it off or douche it out. Ok fine. I have stricter boundaries I guess. I probably have too much self respect.
My main point is that this is not a no harm done then thing. Harm has been done.
You know, I really don't even know why I came back to these forums today. Day off from work and bored I guess. My situation is all good now and I owe thanks to several on these forums for that.
Badblood sorry about the F.U. remark. I guess this place is just not for me anymore. You guys obviously know way more about infidelity then I ever care to.
BTW, no problem about that F.U. I have heard worse. I'm glad that your wife has shown that she has some character and is remorseful and respectful enough to come clean. You have a very good chance to R, if you learn to face your demons and not hide from them.
Picking up the other men and bringing them back to her home at all was unfaithful, unwise and not safe with her hubby gone. Even if they did nothing but watch South Park.
But they came back for sex. She bared her breasts and who knows what else for these guys. So the boundary was shattered by bringing them home. They should not have hooked up with them at all, but just her bringing them home was pretty much cheating.
Tina made her exit on the 7th page, and now we are on 12... maybe she went back to the bar the next weekend for more fun, and doesnt want to hear it from us
If you want a thread to die, it doesn't make sense to post to it which only makes it more visible.
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