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Cheated on husband by kissing/"2nd base"

71K views 246 replies 77 participants last post by  bandit.45 
#1 ·
Hi everyone... Well here I am looking at advice or thoughts on my poor actions over the May long weekend...

Here is my story. I've been with my husband for 5 years, married for 2. No children yet because I had 2 m/c in the past year. He is currently working at a camp job and we only see each other 6 days every month. I've been having a tough time with his job and find myself feeling bored and lonely many of nights. I try to suck it up but its been nearly a year and it's not getting easier. He knows very well that I'm not happy with his job and will make attempts to get a job close to home. No promises and that is something that I'm having to live with. I will tell you right now that I'm head over heels in love with my husband but really f**ked up!!

Ok so now you know the background...

On Friday night... I went out drinking with a girlfriend who is single and known to be quite ****ty. Not that I can judge her at this point.. Anyways, we meet a couple guys at a bar and hang out which was very harmless. I was attempting to just be there as the married friend while she can meet a guy or 2. Well many drinks later, Bad move #1 I let these 2 guys come over to my house.. Conveniently, the bar is only 3 blocks from the house so its stupid close. Bad move #2 I let the sexual tension build between one guy and myself.. Bad move #3 He kisses me and I kiss him back Bad move #4..5..6? Keep kissing him. He gets my shirt and bra off... I let him kiss me... Then I had flashes of losing my husband and how this was no longer a game.. I grab my clothes and tell him I can't go any further. I keep asking myself.. How could I be so stupid? Why did I let these strangers come into my house and look at wedding pictures on my wall? I feel so guilty and ashamed of this. I feel like I should maybe tell my husband but then I'm afraid of the repercussions. Is it better for me to keep this ****ty secret to myself and learn from it or tell him and face the unknown?
 
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#179 ·
no, clearly they were in it for the finish, she clearly states she is lonely, not happy with her husband, kissing this other man continiously, invites them back to her house, goes into the BED ROOM, undresses for him, then the miracle of remembering her husband springs into her mind... and she stops...
 
#183 ·
I haven't read all the posts in this thread but I can't believe some guys who were cheated on advised her to keep it a secret.
I can't believe this was coming from those who know what being cheated on feels like.

Now I'll go and read the rest of the posts and see what's been happening.
 
#184 ·
double post.
 
#186 ·
I didn't even know the thread was dead until I read all the pages. I read just the first page and I was surprised by some of the answers.

Anyway, my internet is sh1t that's why there are double posts.
 
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#195 ·
Wow I had been hoping this thread was dead... I was out of town for a week on business and now I'm back... Before anyone has crazy ideas about that subject too, I was a perfect respectful wife. For the record, I'm incredibly hard working and successful in my career.

I will answer the question that many people have asked.

I have 100% decided that I am NOT confessing.. This secret is going to the grave. Nothing will get solved by telling him. Yes I feel very good about this decision. It will not haunt me but will serve as a valuable lesson learned from this terrible mistake. I thank each and every one of you for your incredible insight and advice. There has been some awesome points of views and appreciate everyone who has reached out to me to provide support. I thank the outlandish insights too as it served as comic relief :) Sorry guys, this story is not as exciting as you want it to be. There will be no surprise visit from these men.. No knocks on the door, end of story.

I have now successfully started taking steps in another direction. Done some research on how to improve our marriage and learning some basic steps that we can start taking immediately. Re-established boundaries for myself since my behavior that night was ridiculous.

I have also asked my H if we can start MC so we could set ourselves up better for a stronger relationship especially when distance keeps us apart. We should have done this a long time ago. Its not too late. With our love for each other and willingness to make it work, I think we will come out stronger. He doesn't have to know that I needed a serious reality check first.

Originally I thought my last post was back on page 7 and it ended there. Curiosity had me checking to make sure this thread was dead and to my shock, it was still very much alive.

I hope that I can be the grim reaper to this thread. I have answered the question. Since I started this crap, may I please kill this ugly thread?

Thank you all and wish you the best :)
 
#196 ·
It's good that you're trying to learn from your mistake and dedicate more to your marriage.
The question is what happens if he finds out by chance?
I feel very bad about your husband and if I were in his shoes I'd feel as if I was being taken for a fool.
You're trying to get away easily but now you got your decision and I wish you good luck.

Although if I were you I wouldn't have a peaceful conscience.
 
#199 ·
Since your decision is made I have one word of advice, limit your alcohol intake or better yet, become a teetotaler. I say this because if one day you get pissed at your husband and you happened to be drunk, you may end up outing yourself. And before you dismiss this possibility just remember that you also dismissed the possibility that you would ever end up making out with another man and getting partially undressed with him in your own home. Good luck.
 
#202 ·
You guys all surprise me with your naivete on this issue. There is a standard cheaters script that she's going to follow, and she's been doing it to a tee so far.

1 - Blame it on the husband.
2 - If caught, lie about it.
3 - "The reason I didn't tell you was because..."

Let this one go, for gods sake. She's made up her mind not to tell him. There's every reason to believe she won't get caught. And if she does, she'll lie her way out of that one too. I realize that most of you who have been cheated on want her to get caught, but she knows the script. She'll work it her way.
 
#208 ·
Well, FWIW, I hope you guys can pull through and make your marriage work. Be warned, though -- rough times are ahead. I'm sure you've already figured this out to some degree.

Best of luck to you both.
 
#210 ·
Um... No. 2 more guys.. yes I gave full disclosure. The ugly truth all came out.

Oh the rocky roads hit pretty much 3-4 weeks after our daughter was born... And been a rollercoaster ever since. This second year has been brutal and my husband doesn't really open up much.
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#221 ·
Absolutely. If anyone can learn from my story, that is why I came back. I was a being a loser and didn't like some of the advice. A few people told me not to confess and I ran with it. Bad advice. Never tell someone to bury their secret. The problems are still there waiting to resurface and it could be worse. In my situation it made it worse because for one, I cheated a few more times... And 2, I was miserable with keeping a secret. I feel like I can be me again. Confessing was one of the hardest things I've done. Working to improve myself takes daily work. It's a long road. I won't cheat again.. One reason is because I love myself too much to put myself through it again. And 2 I love my husband and family very much and we need each other's whole self. Honesty and integrity will see us through
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#224 ·
Do you understand how hard he is working for you and your child? If it were only him, the only reason he might work that hard is because of the worst economy in the last 80 years or so. There are so many people that can't work and as a result destroying families that you are actually very, very lucky to have a husband like him. I hope you grow enough to be a real wife and mother and do everything in the world to make this right.

As it come time for him to leave he is going to go through hell. I hope you can fihure out how to save this.

Maybe you should also check out Marriagebuilders.com.
 
#225 ·
Thanks for the marriagebuilders website link.

I have been trying to figure out now to save our marriage. I have also been taking a lot of verbal abuse from him for quite a few months. The anger he has towards me has been bad. Most of his anger is about my affairs. Unfortunately it's because he bottled it all up, acted like he could accept our situation but in reality he has no idea how to deal with it. Luckily he has finally opened up to his best friends and they have talked it out a lot. My h has refused counselling, won't read any books, won't join any forums. I haven't pushed him to do that. Only made it available for him and understanding that we can go at his pace. The verbal abuse for a long time was tearing me down so he has been better lately.
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