Hi everyone... Well here I am looking at advice or thoughts on my poor actions over the May long weekend...
Here is my story. I've been with my husband for 5 years, married for 2. No children yet because I had 2 m/c in the past year. He is currently working at a camp job and we only see each other 6 days every month. I've been having a tough time with his job and find myself feeling bored and lonely many of nights. I try to suck it up but its been nearly a year and it's not getting easier. He knows very well that I'm not happy with his job and will make attempts to get a job close to home. No promises and that is something that I'm having to live with. I will tell you right now that I'm head over heels in love with my husband but really f**ked up!!
Ok so now you know the background...
On Friday night... I went out drinking with a girlfriend who is single and known to be quite ****ty. Not that I can judge her at this point.. Anyways, we meet a couple guys at a bar and hang out which was very harmless. I was attempting to just be there as the married friend while she can meet a guy or 2. Well many drinks later, Bad move #1 I let these 2 guys come over to my house.. Conveniently, the bar is only 3 blocks from the house so its stupid close. Bad move #2 I let the sexual tension build between one guy and myself.. Bad move #3 He kisses me and I kiss him back Bad move #4..5..6? Keep kissing him. He gets my shirt and bra off... I let him kiss me... Then I had flashes of losing my husband and how this was no longer a game.. I grab my clothes and tell him I can't go any further. I keep asking myself.. How could I be so stupid? Why did I let these strangers come into my house and look at wedding pictures on my wall? I feel so guilty and ashamed of this. I feel like I should maybe tell my husband but then I'm afraid of the repercussions. Is it better for me to keep this ****ty secret to myself and learn from it or tell him and face the unknown?
It's up to you whether to tell or not but the worst thing about this entire story is that you betrayed him in his Own Home. In the Marital Home.
That is major.
I'm assuming people from the bar know you (know you're married). Know your husband. Know your friend. Know your neighbors. People talk. And if he finds out from anyone other than you, it's gonna be bad.
Oh and maybe some of your neighbors saw too.
It's also ironic?/interesting that you have called your friend "sl*tty."
The first kiss was one thing, but then you kept going and let your top come off. You were set to go all the way until you chickened out.
Doesn't sound like you are that much in love with hubby, but are feeling guilt about having another man over in your husbands home.
What are you going to do when the friend brings it up accidentally, or when the guy drops by for more, or shows his friends where he scored with the married chick?
You need to tell your husband ASAP. Maybe he just might believe you when you tell him you didn't have full on sex. If you hide this, when he does find out, maybe from a neighbor, he will not believe you and will assume this is one of many times and you just got caught the one time
Coming fully clean now is the only way to pull this out of the toilet. Posted via Mobile Device
Don't you have any other family or married friends that you and husband know and hang out with when he is home ?? Hanging out with single friends at bar is just asking for trouble -- because you are NOT single.
Tell him. Maybe that will be a wake-up call for him that your marriage is in trouble because he is never home...a year is far too long for this, especially since he says he'll look for a new job but never does.
Also consider whether he might have done some cheating on you while he's been gone. There must be a reason he is so dead-set on keeping that job, and maybe that's someone else.
Tell him. Maybe that will be a wake-up call for him that your marriage is in trouble because he is never home...a year is far too long for this, especially since he says he'll look for a new job but never does.
Also consider whether he might have done some cheating on you while he's been gone. There must be a reason he is so dead-set on keeping that job, and maybe that's someone else.
Maybe this job is the best he can get. Maybe he cannot find another job that pays as well.
Its not his fault he has to take what he can get. Its her job to control herself and support her husband's efforts, even if that means they have to be apart for long stretches.
Tina, you need to tell him and tell him quickly. You started this in a public place and then took him to your home? Have you any idea how many people already know, or will soon find out? If he learns of this from somebody else, it doesn't matter who, then your chances are really bad for recovery. Your only good chance is to tell him ASAP, and then make damn sure you NEVER contact the other guy EVER again.
Tell him. Maybe that will be a wake-up call for him that your marriage is in trouble because he is never home...a year is far too long for this, especially since he says he'll look for a new job but never does.
Also consider whether he might have done some cheating on you while he's been gone. There must be a reason he is so dead-set on keeping that job, and maybe that's someone else.
Norajane -- you got to be kidding. With the world economy the way it is -- he may be lucky to have this job. What if he was at war for 18 months -- would that be too long? Don't lay this on him -- she made the choice to hang out with her "slu__y" single girlfriend -- went to a bar to drink -- and knew damn well that she was going to get hit on. She also didn't have to bring the guy home.
Norajane -- you got to be kidding. With the world economy the way it is -- he may be lucky to have this job. What if he was at war for 18 months -- would that be too long? Don't lay this on him -- she made the choice to hang out with her "slu__y" single girlfriend -- went to a bar to drink -- and knew damn well that she was going to get hit on. She also didn't have to bring the guy home.
Yes, of course it was her choice to cheat and it is entirely her responsibility for doing so.
However, if nothing changes in their marriage with the job thing, well, nothing changes. She will cheat again. Or he will. She already told him she can't stand being lonely like that. She's already cheated. Next step is divorce if they don't do something about his job because she isn't going to become any less lonely if he doesn't even bother to look for a new job and stays away all the time.
We tell cheaters all the time that they should quit their jobs if they are cheating with someone at work. His job is a problem in their marriage, and that, too, needs to be addressed or nothing will change.
Just ask yourself, would he be more hurt if you told him or if he finds out from someone else? Once your past that ask yourself, if ur husband did the exact same thing, would you want to know and how would you want to find out? Whatever you decide, I'm glad you stopped yourself and hopefully you never again put yourself into these 'perfect storm' situations that can end up ruining marriages. Good luck!
Yes you guys all make seriously valid points and I appreciate the brutal honesty. You're right Sam, I should not be hanging out at the bar without my husband.
Having guys at my house that I share with my husband is a horrible thing to do.. Luckily jellybeans is wrong about one thing... No one knows me at the bar and neighbors didn't see anything. Yes it's very ironic that I called her ****ty when I was just as ****ty that night!! I am ashamed, that's for sure.
Agreed bandit, I should seek counselling. I already knew that having 2 m/c has messed me up mentally and with having my husband away all the time is proving to be a bigger issue than I ever thought it would be. I was being very supportive up until the weekend when I screwed up...
Snap, I don't have any lines rehearsed for my husband. I'm far too afraid of his reactions to figure out how I would tell him. It's not like it would be easy to bring up in conversation especially over the phone when he's out of town. I would have to wait until hes back. I might have to go with SadsamIam and be the loving wife for the rest of my life and learn from my mistakes...
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Cheated on husband by kissing/"2nd base" 
