I think this question is kind of silly because just as we said that we would divorce our WS if they had an affair, and yet a lot of us did not. The same goes with this question, nobody really knows what he/she will do until after it happens.
I think this question is kind of silly because just as we said that we would divorce our WS if they had an affair, and yet a lot of us did not. The same goes with this question, nobody really knows what he/she will do until after it happens.
Well R was off the table, she still is fWW (as in she's now ans ex W) but despite the things I may or may not have been doing to protect my marriage, giving my ex W what she needed or failing to, if it came down to her life versus mine I would have have unquestionably layed mine on the line.
Now, not even a question, no way, she fired me as her loyal protector and quite honestly my son needs one good parent, I am a better dad to him alive.
Would You take a bullet for your fWS? Most likely I would not.
Would you place your life in their hands? I would in a situation that involves pulling the plug after an accident, or if I was in a coma. I refuse to be a burden to my family, and I am not scared of dying. So I do not value my life so much, that I would not leave it in her hands
I feel that I'd take one for any innocent person or for anyone that I had come to know and love. And that includes my STBXW's family who I love without question or equivocation(other than her own kids from previous marriage). But taking a bullet for either her or her wayward kids? There's absolutely no way I could bring myself to do that!
Placing my life in her hands? Serious trust issue there~ no way!
But I may well have to pray about all of this, though!
post affair:
do you blindly love and value your spouse over your own well being?
and
do you trust your spouse to care for you in the same way?
honestly we could make up all sorts of weird questions that have the same answers, I'm reminded of that Book of Questions that was popular in the late 80's. It was just different morality and thought provoking questions.
(ie. would you rather pull the wings off of a butterfly or squash a ****roach? making you wonder if one life form is more valued than another)
Whereas before I found out about the affair I would have said definitely yes and definitely yes, I have discovered things since that make me question what I believed fundamentally -- his trustworthiness and integrity. I might take a bullet for him; it depends on who was doing the shooting and whether W-STBXH had actually provoked it or created a situation in which I would do so for him or whether it was truly a bad situation in which he wasn't at fault. More likely, I'd try to defuse the situation so that there wasn't a bullet to be dodged -- and if I got hit by one in the process, that would be okay with me. I'd do this for any of the people I love (there are not many people that I love or even like, though I have many acquaintances and pals) and while I do not think we should be together at this time, I do still love the jerk. I would not trust my life in his hands anymore. I have done so in the past. He has always been good at keeping me physically safe, but he has courted danger recklessly and put me at risk as a result, believing in his ability to protect me; I trusted him to do so. However, disregard of me in his pursuit of other women and his his willingness to throw me under the bus to avoid censure for his own behavior demonstrates that he is not truly willing to protect me at the expense of damage to his own reputation (even when he has earned it) and that means I can't trust him. So, to answer your question -- probably yes (to the first) and nope (to the second).
(Would you rather pull the wings off of a butterfly or squash a ****roach? making you wonder if one life form is more valued than another)
That doesn't really fit in with my philosophy as I'd probably do neither to only exercise my worldly power over those particular creatures. I'd really have to have a real justification to ever want to do that~ i. e. a poisonous snake or spider that might bring potential harm to someone.
I think this question is more aimed at trust and love, and sadly for me, those feelings have fastly evaporated, at least for her.
And I would totally concur that if the shoe were ever on the other foot, that she absolutely wouldn't spit in my guts if I were on fire!
post affair:
do you blindly love and value your spouse over your own well being?
and
do you trust your spouse to care for you in the same way?
True it is - it was just that the scenario hit me the other day. I thought about it years ago - and now I find that everything has changed. Just kind of sad - or I am just getting sentimental or stupid (probably just dwelling a bit on the loss)
Ive thought about this since I read it early this morning. I think the answer is "yes". If and when I decide the answer is "no" then the pain of R is no longer worth it. Just my .02 cents.
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Re: Would you take a bullet for your fWS? 
