cpacan

Assuming it's possible for you to build that level of trust in another partner I take.
I can't see that for myself. I have gotten a less romantic view on things in general. I have found my limits, I guess.

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My story, part 1: Eight months past D-day Part 2: Ten months, W's lack of remorse? Part 3: Divorce or...?

LeighRichwood

In a way, if we chose R over D didn't we kind of take that bullet?

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cpacan

Good question:-)
I don't think of it that way. Taking the bullet would be an unselfish and loving act to protect my wife. R would be for me, a selfish act and choosing what's best for me.

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We all make mistakes, it is how we handle them that defines us.
Mistake, definition: An error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc.
My story, part 1: Eight months past D-day Part 2: Ten months, W's lack of remorse? Part 3: Divorce or...?

Wanting1

This is an interesting intellectual exercise. I wonder if there is a gender difference. I am married. Good marriage with no major issues, i.e. divorce is not looming on the horizon or anything. I love my husband, very much so....but, I just don't see me jumping in front of a bullet for him. Now, if he got shot, I would definitely be there 100% to help him heal, but the reality is, I have kids and I don't think I would put myself in mortal danger, even for him, and leave my children without a mother.

cpacan

I think you have a point in there being a gender difference, males "are supposed" to protect their family with all of their masculine strength and agression... while the female normally takes the domestic supportive role (ie. you would help him heal a 100%).

I used to share that point of view, and I would do it without any doubt, anytime, for my kids.

What triggered my question was my awareness of my own change in doing so for my fWW. I haven't shared it with her - how would she think of this change? Would she expect me to take the bullet before? If yes, will she think, that I am the one that is not fully into saving what's left of our relationship?

Like you stated... it is mostly an intellectual exercise - but to me, it started quite emotinal.