I am in the process of working on my self after my wife's LTA. It left me very frustrated and my self worth and esteem dropped to the floor almost instantly.
I am however doing good rebuilding my self esteem and trust in my self. I have learned that I can't change my wife and her views at things if she choose not to. I have also learned to see things exactly for what they are instead of overanalyzing and getting frustrated. So all focus is now on ME. Next step is to decide how I want to live my life and whether that includes my WW or not.
My question to is this; I have noticed a change in the way I look at my wife. More clear and more realistic. Before her affair I could say without hesitation that I would have taken a bullet for her - this is not the case now. Likewise I would have placed my life in her hands if necessary. This is definitely not the case now. To be honest; it scares me sometimes and I am not proud of it.
How do you feel about this? Would You take a bullet for your fWS? Would you place your life in their hands?
If you are a fWS your self - how do you look at this?
Take a bullet for her? Possibly. I took risks sometimes for total strangers.
But I think the question is off the mark. Taking a bullet is highly hypothetical, and most people without prior experience don't really know how they would behave. This is also more a matter of one's character and values than affiliation with person being saved.
A better question would be, would you take a second mortgage for your fWS? In my case - no.
Would I trust her my life? Possibly, but I'll think twice
My WW has been out of the fog of her EA completely for about 7 weeks now,she sees the damage that was done and know what she almost lost wiich is everything.Real remorse is there and she is down on her self a lot,so a bullet? Yes several of them,give up my like to save hers? In a heartbeat,she means that much to me and she is a excellent mother Posted via Mobile Device
Being scared is okay because now you've opened the eyes and see the reality for what it really is. Waking up from a beautiful dream is scary.
But not being proud of it? Why not?
You should be proud of being able to see clearly and not be blind like you were before. Your wife is the only one who should not be proud for the way you look at her now. This is what she turned you into.
__________________ Shaggy: Men of integrity don't have affairs. They don't have affairs not because there aren't other wonderful women out there besides their wives, they don't have affairs because as men of integrity they choose not to.
Last edited by lovelygirl; 05-23-2012 at 04:56 PM.
I would take a bullet for my children, but my WS is a grown adult, he made his bed, he is laying (or lying) in it and he is on his own. He drove the marriage into the iceberg, so for me, it's women and children first.
I am in the process of working on my self after my wife's LTA. It left me very frustrated and my self worth and esteem dropped to the floor almost instantly.
I am however doing good rebuilding my self esteem and trust in my self. I have learned that I can't change my wife and her views at things if she choose not to. I have also learned to see things exactly for what they are instead of overanalyzing and getting frustrated. So all focus is now on ME. Next step is to decide how I want to live my life and whether that includes my WW or not.
My question to is this; I have noticed a change in the way I look at my wife. More clear and more realistic. Before her affair I could say without hesitation that I would have taken a bullet for her - this is not the case now. Likewise I would have placed my life in her hands if necessary. This is definitely not the case now. To be honest; it scares me sometimes and I am not proud of it.
How do you feel about this? Would You take a bullet for your fWS? Would you place your life in their hands?
If you are a fWS your self - how do you look at this?
I feel exactly as you do. So much so that I filed for divorce. He still does not want the divorce, but I am moving forward because I don't feel he is doing the heavy lifting needed for me to heal from his emotional, financial and physical affair.
Yes. prior I would have stood between a bullet to save him and I would have trusted him with my life.
Now, I look at him and I see only a deceptive sleaze bag, who looked me in the eye and lied so darn convincingly.
How can I ever trust him again?
Without trust, how can a marriage work. Trusting your spouse above all others is a cornerstone of a good marriage, IMO.
My husband has proved himself untrustworthy on so many levels.
Take a bullet for her? Possibly. I took risks sometimes for total strangers.
But I think the question is off the mark. Taking a bullet is highly hypothetical, and most people without prior experience don't really know how they would behave. This is also more a matter of one's character and values than affiliation with person being saved.
A better question would be, would you take a second mortgage for your fWS? In my case - no.
Would I trust her my life? Possibly, but I'll think twice
I know it's kind of hypothetical, but I take it that it's a measurement on the level of trust. My trust before was totally unconditional. I guess that I trust her to some level now, but all the way... nahh.
I now know what she's capable of, and I know that her level of respect in my doesn't keep her from making af bad decission.
I like the mortgage comparison - I actually do think twice before we spend money on the house.
Without trust, how can a marriage work. Trusting your spouse above all others is a cornerstone of a good marriage, IMO.
My husband has proved himself untrustworthy on so many levels.
I think it is possible to reach a certain trust level again if you work on it, but just not beyond naive trust. That was where I was, naive and way too dependend of her.
These are things that I work on my self to change. Still not sure that our relationship will survive when I get through with this though.
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Would you take a bullet for your fWS? 
