Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Southern california
Re: My wife's one night stand.
Falling down drunks know right from wrong---alcohol is absolutely no excuse
The state of your mge is no excuse
For what she has done here is to cheat on her own children, she knew what she was doing, from the time she started to flirt, she went thru a stop sign, to excessive conversation/staying with the guy, was going thru another stop sign---for I am sure she spent a good amount of time with him, and he being a PUA, knew exactly what he was doing, but as has already been said---your wife had no boundary-
--going further, I am sure they did not have sex in front of everyone else at the party, so he had to induce her to go somewhere private----she went---she went thru another stop sign-----she had to find a place/bed/floor/backseat of car/top of table--wherever, to have the sex---another stop sign run---
-she probably took some clothes off---went thru another stop sign----foreplay---another stop sign---the act itself, the last stop sign----except protection----that, sometimes jolts one out of their fog---except if she had unprotected sex---which also means, you need to get checked--------your wife went thru stop sign after stop sign---this did not just happen---your wife chose to make each and every decision to allow it to happen, and possibly even to make sure it happened
Once again, she knew what she was thinking, she knew she was possibly tossing her mge away, you along with it---but the biggest wrong here---is she has very possibly committed your children to a life of misery/unhappiness/split homes/shared custody
She knew all of these things were consequences of her act---and she still let the guy inside of her, and she still committed each and every action necessary to get to the place where the guy entered her.
Sure you can start a new mge---if both of you figure out how to adjust work schedules, so you can have A LOT MORE TIME TOGETHER----and fix whatever marital problems you both think need fixing---but that isn't the main question is it----can you get over this---will your sub-conscious allow you to get over this----will she be able to portray any semblance of a normal woman around you---right now she is wracked with guilt, shame and heavy remorse
These things have to disappear in front of your kids, even now they know something is not right ---how long can the 2 of you both tap dance in front of them----they know the carefree in your mge., is gone---they know the peace of mind for the both of you is gone
Your wife needs to get to an IC, even more than the MC----and then you need to NOT JUST GO TO A COUNSELOR---there are many, bad counselors out there, who will just suck up your money, and waste your time---choice of a counselor---needs to be looked into---just do not go run off and engage a counselor---they need to know what they are doing---they have your future in their hot little hands.
I won't sugar coat this for you---you have a long, hard road to go down, no matter which way you go---this will take 2 to 5 years, just to be in a reasonable state---and tho you may forgive---you will never forget----and as I need to stress---your kids have to be put above all of this--
---good luck to you, however you choose---I hope you do get back some semblance of your happiness, somewhere down the line!!!!!