Am I just paranoid or are signs worrisome?

lordmayhem · 05-25-2012, 02:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by norajane

What size is this lingerie?

Could be she got excited that she started to lose weight and has bought some new underthings (that she might not yet fit into or she might still feel too self-conscious about her weight to put them on).

Weight loss groups often suggest buying things for "inspiration" to use as a motivator to lose weight.

The 5 month old piece might now be too big, so she got another one.

Ask your wife about it (calmly) rather than speculating and spying yourself into a divorce. "Hon, I ran across your lingerie, looks awesome, would love to see you in it, were you planning on wearing it for a special night?"

Entirely plausible explanation counsellor...when taken by itself.

However, it doesn't explain only one sexual encounter in NINE months. It doesn't explain why she's sleeping commando on occasion. It doesn't explain the sudden apparent use of sex lube, especially when they haven't been intimate in nine months, plus he's been trying everything under the sun to try and get her in the mood.

So what is she waiting for? To lose more pounds before giving it to him? Is she saving it up for him? Is that one of the motivators?

Thor · 05-25-2012, 09:59 AM

Every woman who gets into an affair embarks on self improvement. Losing weight, new sexy clothes, etc. But the reverse is not true. Every woman who embarks on self improvement is not in an affair. So going to the gym and getting new sexy clothes is not by itself worrisome.

The lube thing, the sleeping commando, and no sex with hubby for several months is more of a contradiction. She seems to be sexual in some ways, but not with hubby. That is where I would be concerned.

I agree that the VAR is warranted.

Another tact would be to approach this with her in a calm, positive, direct way. You should be able to discuss anything with your spouse. The fact that she is commando is a change. The new lingerie is a change. Having a direct conversation about all of this is absolutely justified. I would stay a million miles away from the topic of being worried about her cheating, though. Just ask her what's up.

Is there any alcohol involved? I'm wondering if she is masturbating and then falling asleep naked unintentionally. If she has a few drinks first it might make it easier for her to M but then she falls asleep.

She may have some sex issues, and is working on trying to be more sexual. There really could be an innocent explanation for all of this.

Sara8 · 05-25-2012, 11:03 AM

Cooper:

All these things do seem to be a red flag.

Still, you need more proof before confronting.

I do think buying the sexy nighties and not wearing them in front of you sounds odd, but I have known women to buy pretty things and then never wear them. I wouldn't, 'cause it seems like a waste of money to me, but I know some who oddly have.

I have described these woman as like crows. They like pretty or shiny things and take them and store them in their nest even though they do not need them or use them. It just catches their eye.

WhoIsIt · 05-25-2012, 11:34 AM

Before even going down the keylog route, can you just look at the computer history/accounts, etc.? Does your computer have a webcam? Lube and lingerie might indicate masturbation, but it might also indicate cybersex.

I think Thor is right on. See what else you can find, but consider approaching her assuming she is innocent. You should be allowed to ask about new lingerie (if not used lubricant) when you feel sexually neglected.

tacoma · 05-25-2012, 12:21 PM

It's quite possible she was excited about the loss of weight and bought some frilly girly things to try and either wasn't happy with how they looked or dosn't have the courage to wear them for you.
All you've stated are small red flags of an affair but considering your wife's situation it's more likely you have a body image LD/HD problem here.

Keep your eyes open and keep letting her know she looks great.
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Shaggy · 05-26-2012, 09:45 AM

Many things are possible, but only one is the truth.

Assume the worst and celebrate if it doesn't happen.

MattMatt · 05-26-2012, 10:00 AM

Well, how about this?

Are you proud she has lost so much weight? Well, show her you are proud!

You can buy some nice lingerie that is similar -but not the same, of course!- to the stuff she brought.

Or ask her to take you to her favourite shop/store and say: "Look, I am a man, we know next-to-nothing about fashion, so I'll go with you, you select what you want, and I'll buy them."

Fvstringpicker · 05-27-2012, 01:02 AM

Coop said, "1st instance was when I was working late and didn't get home till about 1am. I would always come to bed and cuddle her. This night I noticed she wasn't wearing panties and if you know my wife she wears them every night unless we are having sex. My thought was a one off and left it, but the instance happened 3 more times while I was working late."

What am I missing here. He comes home to cuddle his wife. She's not wearing panties. The only time she doesn't wear panties is when they have sex. He is perplexed why she's not wearing panties. Sounds to me like he past up an opportunity.

Blue Moon · 05-29-2012, 12:59 AM

Any update?