Feb to Dec. The contracts are out in Nov, so I missed out. I keep hoping somebody will get pregnant or take long term leave or something like that. In the meantime, you're right it's about the emotional stuff more. I'm a tough b*tch, so I will do what I have to do to make ends meet financially, I just need to get to a better emotional place. I am seeing a shrink when I can afford it, and she's great. Very pragmatic, but amazing when it comes to the cognitive upheaval taking place. She also met my ex, when I attempted MC right before I gave birth and I knew something was 'off' just didn't know what. So she really has some good thoughts to share. I just wish I wasn't so angry. I know anger is a stage, but it's getting out of control for me. It's scary.
The lawyer did warn me last time that he prob. won't help me financially. Funny I told her, no no you're sceptical..... she was right. There's nothing I can do about it. I am on financial assistance from the gov. on top of my lame earnings, that's how I pay for the house. He doesn't pay the mortgage any longer, even if it's in both of our names because he says i'll buy him out... therefore it's my to pay. I can't force him... I either pay, or forclose.I want a home for my kids. I hate him
He does not get to tell you that you will buy him out. That is to be decided. Your attorney should be on this getting a temporary order to maintain assets and set support. If they are not, consider getting a new one.
It's worth reading through each of the segments in the link above. I copied just this one part for you:
Itís bad to feel angry.
While anger usually makes us feel bad, itís an emotion, and is not in itself bad. It also serves as a warning to let us know when a situation is not right. Anger can also be a strong motivator to speak up and make change.
Venting anger either physically or verbally will let you get it all out and help you be less angry.
Researchers have found that venting is the worst strategy for managing anger. It tends to escalate a situation, and displaying anger in ways that are supposed to ďlet off steamĒ donít help over the long term and may even lead to increased aggression. Even hitting a pillow has been shown to do more harm than good in processing anger and moving forward. On the other hand, pausing to allow some of the physical and emotional intensity to subside can help in choosing the most appropriate response to a situation that makes you angry.
Ignoring anger makes it go away.
Anger is generally a response to an unexpected or uncontrollable situation. Ignoring the situation will not make it go away and may mean that people wonít stand up for themselves when they should. It also can lead to passive-aggressive behavior, lashing out, or stress and health problems.
Anger is not controllable.
Itís true that feelings of anger are natural and beyond our control. However, how we respond is entirely up to us. We learn how to respond to the anger we feel. If we habitually respond quickly and heatedly, itís a matter of relearning how to stop and think in order to make more rational choices.
People respect you when you are angry, it shows you mean business.
Being louder or angrier in a discussion may put people on edge, but it does nothing to help people see your point of view or earn their admiration. In fact, people will likely become defensive and shut down instead of listening to what you say. Being a skilled communicator, having good ideas, and being able to approach disagreements objectively are all more likely to win the respect of others.
Anger is only a problem when itís openly expressed.
Expressing anger does not have to be a problem. Anger can be expressed assertively in a very healthy and respectful way. Itís when a reaction is aggressive and beyond what a situation warrants that problems arise. Likewise, unacknowledged anger can also lead to problems with relationships, health, and well-being.
When you next get a chance to talk to your counselor, I hope she can give you some concrete ways of channeling / managing your anger.
On the lighter side, I always like to tell myself (because it's true) that anger is bad for your skin, bad for your heart (physically) and makes you fat.
I'm not an attorney or even an Australian. : ) But I just took a gander at the government site about divorce / sep in AU. It looks like you are entitled to do a preliminary agreement similar to a marital separation agreement. You need to ask your attorney about doing this. I would push for him to paying half of that mortgage too. When my husband and I split I immediately had an MSA drawn up. You need to tell your attorney what you want. And be ready to fight for it.
I wouldn't wait 5 weeks. If there is any way get the agreement started now. Hit him while his head is full of fairy dust. Posted via Mobile Device
Well I’m not for violence but I can see why you slapped him. Maybe you need to not be anywhere alone with him in the future since have discovered this new side to yourself.
While you cannot finalize your divorce for a while, you should be able to file for either a legal separation or divorce now… and then it will be in place until you have been separated the amount of time required.
Please see an attorney to find out what you can do. Generally you can file for interim support while legally separated. The court will order him to pay child support and spousal support. The spousal support depends on your joint income, bills, etc.
Take all the paperwork you have to prove that he took $56,000. That money is half yours. Your attorney can ask the court to have your legal fees paid out of it. Plus he would have to give a portion of that.
You can also ask your attorney to have your child and spousal support calculated on his income before he dropped below full time hours. He has a legal obligation to support his child at the level he is capable of earning and had been earning.
You are entitled to $28,000, half of the marital assets, if he blew away your half, that is his problem---or you can just take the house completely, and he gets nothing in re: the house when you finalize your D.
Here in Calif, and the U S---you are entitled to gov't help, if your income is below a certain level---do you qualify, you also might be able to get help with the children, from gov't programs, and you won't have to depend on your H.
As to his lover, being with your kids, you might be able to get a court order, making sure she is not allowed near them
You can go on line, and look at all the Aust. codes, and see what can actually be done---you can also do some of these legal things yourself, or with the help of legal aid, or a paralegal----there are things you can do legally, time for you to do them, including garnishing your H. wages, if necessary.
It's been a few days since the event, and the most incredible change seems to be taking place. I feel like I'm 'letting go'. I am quitting FB cause I want to (!), selling the piano he bought me, cause I want to and generally pretending he no longer exists. Once I decided that I can't count on him and he is a POS all around (no redeeming qualities), it seems a weight has lifted. Also, I feel like I am regaining power. Now he can f*ck off, and it's on my terms. As soon as Jan 18 hits I will be the first to file for divorce... my last f-off. The anger is helping me to let go, and the anger is lessening. I just don't really care as much as I did. I still have a long road ahead of me, but this seems to have been my turning point. I feel the best I have in 5 months. I am enjoying my kids and making plans for the future. Financially, it's actually kind of like it was when he was around, as he didn't make much but spend like he did. It will be ok I think. This is the FIRST time I have thought that in a while
So today was his day with the kids and I saw him. I told him I'm switching days from Fridays to Saturdays for him. I work on Fridays-he doesn't. I told him I'm not going to wait for him to get to the house, holding my breath every time he's late. He claimed he'll come a half hour early. I said 'nope, kids are already signed out. You can take them from the daycare and spend time with them, but I need Saturdays to do grading and catch up on housework'. If he's going to bring them around the wh*re anyways, then he can have all his Saturdays shot, until the kids are old enough for the every other weekend arrangement in 2 years. F*ck him. I am really trying my best here. I also applied for a full time teaching job going term 3 of this year (july). I'm doing it. I fake it half the time, but it's all I can do at the moment. I just wish he wasn't so damn good looking. *#$#*$#&(!
As to his new 'missus' I heard a new Regina Spektor song today. It's very sad, called 'a ballad of a politician', but it really fits how I feel about HER.
Shake what your momma gave you,
you know that it won't last,
you're gonna taste the ground real soon,
you're gonna taste the grass..