Again, my hope is to reconcile! Lol. I understand if you might think I should give up or call it quits, but that is not the direction I want to go. I have forgiven her for her transgressions. Do not hate her at all. And right now I am still able to look past her infidelity. If I get to the point where I can't then that's different but right now I am forgiving, and hope that she will be delivered from this self destructive path. If not for the depression and bipolar issues I would likely not have been as forgiving, honestly.
@lamaga, Thanks and yes I will be at peace with however God decided our fate. If after all this steps or attempts she still doesn't come around then I will be fine with that as well. And then I will file for divorce, etc.
I'm so sorry that you are here. She sounds like a project. I would expose her just to protect my interest and reputation. How old is she? My cheating ex never told me that she hated me. Why do you want her back? I know that you married for better or worse but it takes two people to make a marriage -- and besides this is not worse -- it's WORSER.
Yes she has VERY valid reasons for hating me, For over a year she has begged and pleaded with me not working so much with my company. I chose to continue working even though it wasn't required that I was there at every event. But it left her home alone two weekends a month at least. I was not the most affectionate guy and she asked me to be more so. I did not value her feelings enough to even try improving on these issues before it was too late.
@lamaga, Thanks and yes I will be at peace with however God decided our fate. If after all this steps or attempts she still doesn't come around then I will be fine with that as well. And then I will file for divorce, etc.
Please leave god out of this. He's busy with infinitely bigger problems. And besides, god helps those who help themselves. \Rant off
My goal is to ultimately reconcile with my wife! Through reading a lot of valuable info, it lead me here to this exposure technique. By politely stating facts about what she is doing, my feelings, and what I want to her family/friends I hope that my sincere words fall on good ground with a select few, enough to make things difficult for my wife and the other guy to continue.
I do have one thing going against me, the only friends/people she communicates with mostly are the friends in her 'partying circle' which includes three women, and three men, one of which is the guy she is having an affair with. All of which are in their mid-twenties. They have partied every weekend till past 5-6am both days in the past 3 months since the breakup. And even hang out at least twice during the week till 3-4am. She has a supervisor/friend at work and our sons Godmother that she occasionally communicates with that both will be on the top of my list to contact. They are older women in their late 30s both married with kids.
So you want her back after she's been used and thrown around for months?
Just wondering, have you ever looked inside your pants? Anything in there?
THEN, there's the subconscious anger I found out I had, after breakup I went to counseling. Found out I had anger building inside me towards her for some of her actions(texting and facebooking every 3 mins even in bed and in car together, partying 3-4 times a month which to me was too often when you have family and kid at home, both of which I thought was disrespectful, also she started back smoking). Instead of expressing my discontent at times I would merely say nothing. Over time I developed anger towards her so much so that it affected my love and affection for her. She became mentally unattractive to me which made her physical attractiveness irrelevant. So at times I would not be into, or even sometimes push her away when she attempted to be intimate, especially when she would come home late after partying. At the time I did not know why the heck I didn't feel like being intimate with my very attractive wife but now I do. Perhaps too late. Perhaps not.
@keko, its called unconditional love brother. All of our significant others have been tossed around before us at some point. That does not matter to me. Only thing that matters to me is our reconciling our family.
The only way you'll reconcile is if she gets her depression treated/managed. Don't worry about the other man, once those symptoms come out he'll bolt and affair relationships have a 3% success rate.
This isn't going to be a quick fix solution and it might take years until she gets her depression treated, gets over the resentment for your neglect and fall back in love with you.
I don't think exposure will do anything given that she doesn't even care about the wellbeing of her baby, she'll hardly care what her parents tell her.
THEN, there's the subconscious anger I found out I had, after breakup I went to counseling. Found out I had anger building inside me towards her for some of her actions(texting and facebooking every 3 mins even in bed and in car together, partying 3-4 times a month which to me was too often when you have family and kid at home, both of which I thought was disrespectful, also she started back smoking). Instead of expressing my discontent at times I would merely say nothing. Over time I developed anger towards her so much so that it affected my love and affection for her. She became mentally unattractive to me which made her physical attractiveness irrelevant. So at times I would not be into, or even sometimes push her away when she attempted to be intimate, especially when she would come home late after partying. At the time I did not know why the heck I didn't feel like being intimate with my very attractive wife but now I do. Perhaps too late. Perhaps not.
You realize that the anger you felt was because your gut was alerting you to the fact that she as cheating already right? Women starting to smoke at her age usually do it because the man they are cheating with also smokes. Posted via Mobile Device
Don't think she necessarily left me for him. But to simply leave ME mostly. As stated above, she has informed me that she hates me many times and hates being in same house with me. Has even cried in my arms stating she hates that she can't stop hating me, etc.
No bro, get this out of your head. She doesn't hate you.
There are many physiological and psychological factors at work here. It's imparitive that you understand this. You can not take what she is saying to you as 'truth'. She is chemically comprimised.
You compound the incredibly powerful 'affair fog' that she's in and the natural chemical imbalances depression causes and you have a 'crazy making' c0cktail of epic proportions.
She doesn't hate you. Her brain has gone rogue, saying she's "not all there" would be putting it lighty.
To not enable her with your willingness to "take the bullet" and jumping to accept your part in this. There will be plenty of time for that.
Right now, you have major probems and your not getting through them unless your willing to play hardball. Your going to have to be willing to do many things that are going to take you way out of your comfort zone and will be in direct opposition to your instincts.
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Re: How do I stop my wife's affair? 
