How do I stop my wife's affair?
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 05-25-2012, 10:05 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default How do I stop my wife's affair?

Hello to all. This has been a mind opening forum for me. My question is this... Concerning the exposure of a spouse's affair, What if the spouse who is cheating, emotionally or physically, is NOT interested in reconciling? My wife hates me, has been clinically depressed even before the separation, does NOT want me anymore, and just moved out a few days ago to apartment with female coworker, even leaving our 3yr old son with me. She decided she wanted out of marriage in Feb, after just 3mths, although together for five years, citing lack of love and affection. A few days before the breakup she was in "I love you, have a good day at work" mode with me! Then on Valentines Day she dropped the bomb, even after getting me a gift. Found out last month after only being separated for 2mths that another guy is in the picture. Have text evidence of only emotional affair at least. Extensive text evidence from past two months. I love you and miss texts mostly. Not one single text or picture sent of a sexual nature. She met him out partying last year. He actually lives an hour away. I got his number and called him, he denied of course even denying he knew her, she denied too claiming he's just a friend. Am sure it has been more but do the exposure rules apply to me??? Even with her not showing the slightest bit of interest in reconciling? Will exposing her emotional affair to select upstanding friends/family be helpful in my case to disrupt her affair? Or are the exposure rules specifically for a spouse who is willing or shows signs of wanting to remain together or reconcile? Please help. Thanks!
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Old 05-25-2012, 10:12 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I stop my wife's affair?

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Originally Posted by godlyman83 View Post
Hello to all. This has been a mind opening forum for me. My question is this... Concerning the exposure of a spouse's affair, What if the spouse who is cheating, emotionally or physically, is NOT interested in reconciling? My wife hates me, has been clinically depressed even before the separation, does NOT want me anymore, and just moved out a few days ago to apartment with female coworker, even leaving our 3yr old son with me. She decided she wanted out of marriage in Feb, after just 3mths, although together for five years, citing lack of love and affection. A few days before the breakup she was in "I love you, have a good day at work" mode with me! Then on Valentines Day she dropped the bomb, even after getting me a gift. Found out last month after only being separated for 2mths that another guy is in the picture. Have text evidence of only emotional affair at least. Extensive text evidence from past two months. I love you and miss texts mostly. Not one single text or picture sent of a sexual nature. She met him out partying last year. He actually lives an hour away. I got his number and called him, he denied of course even denying he knew her, she denied too claiming he's just a friend. Am sure it has been more but do the exposure rules apply to me??? Even with her not showing the slightest bit of interest in reconciling? Will exposing her emotional affair to select upstanding friends/family be helpful in my case to disrupt her affair? Or are the exposure rules specifically for a spouse who is willing or shows signs of wanting to remain together or reconcile? Please help. Thanks!
It might. Did she not leave you with the 3 yr old child? Abandon you for the OM? Exposing her will not make matters worse for you, but it will, no doubt, hurt her and her plans.

I would go for it.
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Old 05-25-2012, 10:12 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I stop my wife's affair?

Yes it will greatly help in killing off the affair but its not guaranteed to work always.

Since she left you and your kid, why are you still chasing her? You really should move on with your OWN life and let her worry about getting back to you.
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Old 05-25-2012, 10:22 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Expose away!
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Old 05-25-2012, 10:33 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I stop my wife's affair?

Yes she left me with our son. After going back and forth with custody options, she got frustrated and simply stated, "You know what, take him, you can have him, I don't want him. He will be at my moms when you get off. Go and get him. Just tell me when I can see him!" Told her her son needs her and loves her, etc. Convo ended shortly after. I broke down into tears imagining how our son will greatly miss his mothers love and affection. Don't think she necessarily left me for him. But to simply leave ME mostly. As stated above, she has informed me that she hates me many times and hates being in same house with me. Has even cried in my arms stating she hates that she can't stop hating me, etc.

@keko, I still love her and am here seeking more advice on how to reconcile. Any woman who, in essence, leaves or gives up her kid has some serious mental issues. I married her for better or worse. And actually sympathize with her lack of love and affection. I was not home often running a business and failed to be more sensitive to her feelings and needs. This was an issue for about a year before she "dropped the rock" as some would say. As stated above she has been diagnosed as being clinically depressed. Stop taking meds a month before breakup. Has NOT taken them since.
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Old 05-25-2012, 10:34 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I stop my wife's affair?

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

What are you going to lose? Your marriage is over. Right now, it's over. Done. Nothing you remember will ever be the same. Regardless what happens from here, the two of you will never be the same people again. The world as you remember it is changed forever.

I wish I could have understood and internalized that fact more clearly when I was where you are right now.
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Old 05-25-2012, 10:42 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I stop my wife's affair?

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You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

What are you going to lose? Your marriage is over. Right now, it's over. Done. Nothing you remember will ever be the same. Regardless what happens from here, the two of you will never be the same people again. The world as you remember it is changed forever.

I wish I could have understood and internalized that fact more clearly when I was where you are right now.
Not afraid to lose anything. I just wanted to know if this exposure thing applied to my particular situation. Since it is apparent it does, then I will do so very soon.

Thanks
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Old 05-25-2012, 10:47 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I stop my wife's affair?

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Yes she left me with our son. After going back and forth with custody options, she got frustrated and simply stated, "You know what, take him, you can have him, I don't want him. He will be at my moms when you get off. Go and get him. Just tell me when I can see him!"
WOW.

And you still think of her nicely?
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Old 05-25-2012, 10:53 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Yeah, it's over. "Hate" is a very strong word, we never said that to each other in 30 years of bitter arguments. Better to let her go.
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Old 05-25-2012, 10:53 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I stop my wife's affair?

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Has even cried in my arms stating she hates that she can't stop hating me, etc.
wow
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Old 05-25-2012, 10:55 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I stop my wife's affair?

Expose to everyone, especially her family. Tell them that she abandoned you and your son. See if you can find out if the OM is married and tell his wife.
If you have any texts or emails concerning the abandonment, save them.
See a lawyer and start the divorce proceedings with full custody of your son.
Tell your wife that this is the road she took and this is how things will be.
Stop ALL contact with her. She must initiate any contact since she is the one that abandoned her family. Log all contact and save all emails and texts.

She's gone, man. You need to protect yourself and your son.
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Old 05-25-2012, 10:57 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I stop my wife's affair?

My goal is to ultimately reconcile with my wife! Through reading a lot of valuable info, it lead me here to this exposure technique. By politely stating facts about what she is doing, my feelings, and what I want to her family/friends I hope that my sincere words fall on good ground with a select few, enough to make things difficult for my wife and the other guy to continue.

I do have one thing going against me, the only friends/people she communicates with mostly are the friends in her 'partying circle' which includes three women, and three men, one of which is the guy she is having an affair with. All of which are in their mid-twenties. They have partied every weekend till past 5-6am both days in the past 3 months since the breakup. And even hang out at least twice during the week till 3-4am. She has a supervisor/friend at work and our sons Godmother that she occasionally communicates with that both will be on the top of my list to contact. They are older women in their late 30s both married with kids.
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Old 05-25-2012, 10:58 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I stop my wife's affair?

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Not afraid to lose anything.
Good start, your well ahead of the curve.
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Old 05-25-2012, 10:59 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I stop my wife's affair?

Godlyman, goals are good. But realistic goals are better. Keep in mind that if she is not interested, there is no way for you to effect a reconciliation.

Good luck, and keep posting.
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Old 05-25-2012, 11:00 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I stop my wife's affair?

Yes expose the affiar and then go dark on her make sure her Mom and family know, make sure her friends know and if the POS has someone in his life make sure she knows. I bet he does he denied knowing her. I know that will be hard because you are thinking about your son.

If you are paying for her cell phone, cut it off, make sure the credit cards are denied to her and make sure you are not supporting her. This will be the hard part, file for divorce. You do not have to go through it but it will be a eye opener. You need to make sure she knows she needs to pay child support.
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