Thanks to many things said on this thread, my WS decided today was her last day at work. She resigned effective today, emptied her locker, and is not returning.
I think almost all affairs has an gigantic F.U. element, for whatever reason... percieved failings of the spouse to meet the preconceived ideas of what looks happyness... whatever. And adicted brain (dopamine OD), old resentments plus cognitive disonance brings that kind of cruelty many times.
How many times we hear of the ''ghost'' who they become, the ''alien abduction'', the cold-dark eyes, the mindfuc*ing cruelty...
Bringing up personaly disorders every time... no clue for all the marriage and now is NPD¿
We have discussed the cruel things said regarding the sexual aspects of the affair many times. The above quoted post captures the essence of "why". I don't want this topic discussed on this public forum, so please respect that and drop it now.
That was cruel and I should have never said that . Posted via Mobile Device
An old saying "Resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die."
You've had resentment towards your husband stemming from your long held belief that he had an affair years ago and for his uncaring reaction when you told him about the OM pursuing you. Now your husband will have resentment towards you for your betrayal as well as for your extremely cruel behavior post DDay.
For both your sakes, and the marriage, the two of you must make the conscious choice to get rid of the resentment and bitterness that has festered in your hearts, or it will continue to poison each one of you and bring your marriage closer to ending. You cannot save your marriage if you can't save yourselves first.
This is NOT about rewarding one or the other but to acknowledge that even if the two of you go your separate ways that unless the two of you exorcise anger and bitterness from your hearts, you are BOTH doomed to live the rest of your lives poisoning your souls and those closest to you.
While it is very true that we should learn from the past so that we do not condemn ourselves to repeat it, the same can be said about making constant efforts to let go of the evil things of the past in order to move on with your lives. This is not something that one can do for the other but something that each one must do for him/herself.
We have discussed the cruel things said regarding the sexual aspects of the affair many times. The above quoted post captures the essence of "why". I don't want this topic discussed on this public forum, so please respect that and drop it now.
She isn't answerable to us. She has to answer to you. We don't matter in your marriage, we just point out the questions so that they aren't swept under the rug. She could have just said that I've discussed this with my H and he is satisfied with my answer and people would have respected that and stopped the questions. She seemed to avoid/ignore important questions through out the thread and isn't saying much beyond "I messed up" and this pissed off people even further who were worried if it was false R
Someone advise to demand your wife to restore your dignity towards friends/relatives. I stringly disagree with this. Your wife need seriuos counseling, yesterday, to found out how suddenly a woman with her story trashed herself, her marriage nad possibly her carreer this way. Until she's completely out of the fog and facing her demons such an action of stading upon her parents and dismantle the gaslighting and badmouthing will serve no porpouse. Her family will side her no mather what, they always think you are to blame on this. She needs to be way further on the road of healing to really take ownership and tell them to shut the fu*k up.
An old saying "Resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die."
You've had resentment towards your husband stemming from your long held belief that he had an affair years ago and for his uncaring reaction when you told him about the OM pursuing you. Now your husband will have resentment towards you for your betrayal as well as for your extremely cruel behavior post DDay.
For both your sakes, and the marriage, the two of you must make the conscious choice to get rid of the resentment and bitterness that has festered in your hearts, or it will continue to poison each one of you and bring your marriage closer to ending. You cannot save your marriage if you can't save yourselves first.
This is NOT about rewarding one or the other but to acknowledge that even if the two of you go your separate ways that unless the two of you exorcise anger and bitterness from your hearts, you are BOTH doomed to live the rest of your lives poisoning your souls and those closest to you.
While it is very true that we should learn from the past so that we do not condemn ourselves to repeat it, the same can be said about making constant efforts to let go of the evil things of the past in order to move on with your lives. This is not something that one can do for the other but something that each one must do for him/herself.
Everyone who knows about the affair knows the truth. Well, at least the part that she was the cheater, not me, and I didn't her the STD. I don't think she' s corrected all the lies she said to them to justify the affair saying how terrible a marriage and husband she had for 23 years.
This has already been corrected. Everyone who knows about A realize that I do not have a terrible husband, we had a good marriage. I was in the Fog.
Good for you resigning your job. That served many purposes, not the least of which showed your husband you are committed to beginning recovery and reconcilliation.
Now you have a long, twisted road ahead of you full of dark valleys (your husband' triggers, temper flares, crying, emotional breakdowns on both your parts).... its not going to be easy. Expect this healing to take 4 to 5 arduous years before your relationship is in the clear.
And remember, both of you, that you are not "re-building" a marriage. This marriage you now have is a smoking ruin. Its gone, dead, no more. You two will literally be starting from scratch, building an entirely new relationship. It will take hard work, reflection and daily committment on both your parts. If you have the courage to be gracious and loving, persevering and sacrificing, then you might have a shot at making it.
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Re: Confused need help 
Thanks to many things said on this thread, my WS decided today was her last day at work. She resigned effective today, emptied her locker, and is not returning.
Re: Confused need help 
