Well things blew up on the ride home, but she refused to admit anything (much later I found out it was an EA, verified, but she wanted more and so did he of course but the chance hadn't come up to take it PA). But she responded to the whole situation with months of emotional abuse, flirting with other men, describing them to me as why they're more men than I am, exposing herself to others, really tearing me down to the ground level emotionally and as a man. 18 months on we're getting better and working on it, but both she and I know that so much emotional damage has been done that whether we remain together is up in the air. If she hadn't been basically treating me like a king this last 6 months we'd probably be done already but for now I keep going.
Good dog, I am so sorry. Your wife must be a piece of work to humiliate you that way. Also, it doesn't appear that she works with nice people. Did she quit her job? If not, your marriage is all but over.
@slater, I wish I would have found this site 13 yrs ago.
Likewise. In my case, by the time I found out it was all over but the crying, however I would have liked to have found ways to cope with the situation a little better than how I did.
Good dog, I am so sorry. Your wife must be a piece of work to humiliate you that way. Also, it doesn't appear that she works with nice people. Did she quit her job? If not, your marriage is all but over.
Thank you. Yes, I don't understand her actions at all. She's always had a sharp tongue so to speak but why this all went down I still don't know exactly. I think she had some kind of MLC, including turning 30, family problems (hers not ours), feeling older and wanting inappropriate attention from men like she used to get (for example the frat guy who jumped her after a late night tutoring session before we met in college has gone from being a bad memory to some sort of prince charming from her past who she recalls fondly, and knowing what that guy got away with, that's saying a lot).
In terms of her work, she's changed jobs and we've moved further away from all that so she no longer has contact with him or her coworkers. But it still irks me that she sees him as some harmless young guy just trying to get laid and she still sees her coworkers as good friends, though that's changing now that's she made new friends at her current job.
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In terms of her work, she's moved jobs and we've moved further away from all that so she no longer has contact with him or her coworkers. But it still irks me that she sees him as some harmless young guy just trying to get laid and she still sees her coworkers as good friends, though that's changing now that's she made new friends at her current job.
But what really sucks worse is that you know you will have to keep an eye on her all the time.
That's what WSs don't get that they do to us. The constant "looking over your shoulder" sh*t wears you down to the point where you almost don't care to be married anymore.
I wasn't married at the time but, was seriously dating a women ... maybe 12years ago when I was single. We had been going out for 2 years. Anyway, one day I had talked to her about making plans to do stuff on the weekend and she claimed that she would be too busy with her kids and folks ... family commitments.
Well, Sunday morning I woke up to several long voice messages from her on my cell phone. It was her and another man having dinner together and having interesting conversations late Saturday night!
It turns out that she had made plans to go away for the weekend with another guy, one of those vacation condo weekend deals. While they were together, she accidentally dialed my cell phone a few times and their conversations went tight to my voicemail!
What a hoot! I think she was banging him all weekend.
I broke up with her the following week ... .and, of course, it was my fault.
Looking back, I think I was really lucky I dodged that bullet.
Good Dog, I know how you feel about the 'us against the world' aspect of your marriage. I plotted my life with the intention that my ex would always be by my side. We were going to travel the world after the kids left and live a nice life. But she threw it all away. Oh well, at least for me life will be much cheaper because I don't ever plan on marrying again.
The other thing is in her newfound quest for honesty all the time, I've found out that going way back she's had so many temptations and desires to do this stuff before. What I thought was a solid marriage with a sudden problem was never really that at all. It just makes it hard to turn back and get to work again. I've told her plainly, "Look, it was always me and you against the world, or so I thought. Then when trouble came I looked around and was on my own. You didn't have my back at all, but came close to stabbing me in it." Sounds melodramatic now, but then it really hit her hard.
Good.
She needed to hear the truth. Maybe she'll take the blinders off.
Good Dog, I know how you feel about the 'us against the world' aspect of your marriage. I plotted my life with the intention that my ex would always be by my side. We were going to travel the world after the kids left and live a nice life. But she threw it all away. Oh well, at least for me life will be much cheaper because I don't ever plan on marrying again.
Yeah, but you are going to get some once in a while aren't you? That would be torture not to.
Same here as far as remarrying As much as I love the ladies, the bachelor life is more appealing to me every day.
Well, the relationship wasn't going fast enough for her. We were going hot and cold since she wanted to get married ASAP and I was moving a lot slower. I was a single dad with 3 kids at home at the time and much of my attention and priority was directed towards my children and running the home.
A pattern developed where she would date other guys as a means to make me jealous and put pressure on me. So ... it was my fault that my lack of attention drove her to see other men.
A pattern developed where she would date other guys as a means to make me jealous and put pressure on me. So ... it was my fault that my lack of attention drove her to see other men.
Ah. Well her tactics were a bit flawed weren't they? Good thing you didn't marry her. She would have cheated on you for sure.
Actually, afterwards I found out there was more ....
Once while we were dating she wanted us to go out west on a trip together for a long weekend. She planned to do it over Thanksgiving holidays and even made the arrangements ... sort of as a surprise without telling me. When I found out, 2 weeks before Thanksgiving, I was pleasantly surprised but decided it wouldn't work. I had made arrangements to visit my family with the kids and felt it was more important that the kids and I see family and relatives than me going away without them. She was not happy.
The surprise was, she went on the trip anyway ... with another man. She shared this with me after we broke up.
Yeah, but you are going to get some once in a while aren't you? That would be torture not to.
Same here as far as remarrying As much as I love the ladies, the bachelor life is more appealing to me every day.
Bandit, I have no intention of becoming a monk. I've noticed that I've become hyper-sensitive to noticing attractive women. I also make sure to check for wedding bands because I have no intention of ever getting involved with a married woman.
Trust me, the Count has some lost time to make up for.
I've since remarried and she moved out of the area.
She told me this as supporting evidence of how I wasn't there for her full time and that she had to seek support elsewhere.
Also, I think she just wanted to make me feel bad.
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Re: How did you find out about the infidelity? 
