I've only been there in passing really,but it seems like a nice place. Is your brother in IT or med.research? The city is known for those types of things.
The thing about Toronto is it sometimes gets a bad rap from other parts of the country.I live there myself and it comes and goes and people for the most part don't pay it much attention,but Toronto Boy probably gets my meaning.
Well, the relationship wasn't going fast enough for her. We were going hot and cold since she wanted to get married ASAP and I was moving a lot slower. I was a single dad with 3 kids at home at the time and much of my attention and priority was directed towards my children and running the home.
A pattern developed where she would date other guys as a means to make me jealous and put pressure on me. So ... it was my fault that my lack of attention drove her to see other men.
nooo.
If she felt you were going slow then she should have broken up with you instead of cheating on you.
So don't blame yourself. She cheated because she felt like doing it and certainly not because of you.
Also, a woman who threatens by cheating is a wh0re and not worthy of being loved.
__________________ Davelli0331:If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
I've only been there in passing really,but it seems like a nice place. Is your brother in IT or med.research? The city is known for those types of things.
The thing about Toronto is it sometimes gets a bad rap from other parts of the country.I live there myself and it comes and goes and people for the most part don't pay it much attention,but Toronto Boy probably gets my meaning.
Know how you feel highwood.. Hope things are much improved for you, still way too soon for me , but , like you , Dday 19th March 2012 was the worst day of my life...ran out of the house , with him following, I threatened to walk into oncoming traffic, felt like i had died inside. We have done all the things this site recommends, the no contact letter, transparancey , honesty ,etc etc and are now in councelling together. I do feel our councellor wants me to move forward, says I have a lot of anger {who wouldn't!!} and that it is a negative energy. also that I am 'punishing' my WH, I honestly just dont feel ready to move forward yet , I am still reeling from the shock of Dday. Its been 7 months for you , how are you feeling now?
Know how you feel highwood.. Hope things are much improved for you, still way too soon for me , but , like you , Dday 19th March 2012 was the worst day of my life...ran out of the house , with him following, I threatened to walk into oncoming traffic, felt like i had died inside. We have done all the things this site recommends, the no contact letter, transparancey , honesty ,etc etc and are now in councelling together. I do feel our councellor wants me to move forward, says I have a lot of anger {who wouldn't!!} and that it is a negative energy. also that I am 'punishing' my WH, I honestly just dont feel ready to move forward yet , I am still reeling from the shock of Dday. Its been 7 months for you , how are you feeling now?
Wow! And there was I thinking Sherlock Holmes was dead!
Your counsellor, Sherlock Holmes, opined grandly: "You have a lot of anger" and "You are punishing your husband."
WELL, DUH!!!!!!!!
With the way you found out the truth of course you are angry and are punishing your husband!
Thanks MattMatt I dont feel quite so bad about the anger and guilt, was beginning to think I was being unreasonable .... THATS how insecure his affair has made me feel. Due for some more 'Councelling' tomorrow, perhaps she will tell me to pull myself together and get over it...at least I still have my sense of humour !!!
I scare myself sometimes...really horrify myself when I think back on my second DDay four months ago, and how close I came to killing my wife when I found the e-mails. I'm not joking. She was standing next to our fireplace that I built out of river rock, and for a split second I envisioned slamming her head into it.
I'm a very strong and I would have killed her instantly.
How many of you men (and women) had such a thought go through your mind on DDay? Or am I the only one? Be honest.
The anger is incredible...not just at him but at the OW as well. I know intellectually she is not worth the head space and the power I give her by thinking about her yet emotionally I struggle with it.
I have called her every name in the book and while that at times makes me feel better the majority of time it makes me feel worse that I let this person, someone I have never met, have that much control over me. It is not healthy.
Know how you feel highwood.. Hope things are much improved for you, still way too soon for me , but , like you , Dday 19th March 2012 was the worst day of my life...ran out of the house , with him following, I threatened to walk into oncoming traffic, felt like i had died inside. We have done all the things this site recommends, the no contact letter, transparancey , honesty ,etc etc and are now in councelling together. I do feel our councellor wants me to move forward, says I have a lot of anger {who wouldn't!!} and that it is a negative energy. also that I am 'punishing' my WH, I honestly just dont feel ready to move forward yet , I am still reeling from the shock of Dday. Its been 7 months for you , how are you feeling now?
Had another DDay #2 5 weeks ago today...so definently a step back however as bad as that was I think in a strange way we needed that in order to completely end his EA with the OW. Still highly painful and the anger is incredible but I have to learn to accept what happened instead of wishing it didn't because it did happen and now I/we have to deal with it.
Same thing that my MC said that I have alot of anger but have to learn to control and self soothe myself..easier said than done.
I scare myself sometimes...really horrify myself when I think back on my second DDay four months ago, and how close I came to killing my wife when I found the e-mails. I'm not joking. She was standing next to our fireplace that I built out of river rock, and for a split second I envisioned slamming her head into it.
I'm a very strong and I would have killed her instantly.
How many of you men (and women) had such a thought go through your mind on DDay? Or am I the only one? Be honest.
I admit on DD#2 that I had those kind of thoughts....I said to H that I hope something terrible happens to him and his OW. I felt sick saying it and didn't really mean it but when you are enraged and distraught..anything kind of goes.
The anger is incredible...not just at him but at the OW as well. I know intellectually she is not worth the head space and the power I give her by thinking about her yet emotionally I struggle with it.
I have called her every name in the book and while that at times makes me feel better the majority of time it makes me feel worse that I let this person, someone I have never met, have that much control over me. It is not healthy.
Highwood, I get that. the b!tch who started up with my husband befriended me as well. She knew all about my feelings regarding my marriage. And then she started sympathizing with my husband, etc. Fortunately, she lives on the other side of the country. Still hurts. He felt the need to make HER feel better because she claimed her fiance was cheating on her (again) and not giving her attention, etc. So, my husband was calling her beautiful and sexy. I told him that I wanted to scratch her eyes out. Really, I wanted, and still do, to beat her to a bloody pulp. My reaction to his part was almost as bad... but I also had EAs so it's one of those "do I really have the right to be angry/betrayed?" And I realized, HELL YES I do! Just as he has/had the right to feel angry/betrayed by me.
I scare myself sometimes...really horrify myself when I think back on my second DDay four months ago, and how close I came to killing my wife when I found the e-mails. I'm not joking. She was standing next to our fireplace that I built out of river rock, and for a split second I envisioned slamming her head into it.
I'm a very strong and I would have killed her instantly.
How many of you men (and women) had such a thought go through your mind on DDay? Or am I the only one? Be honest.
Because of the drawn out time-frame for the discovery, the trickle-truth, the lack of sleep (around 12 hours a week) combined with the stress of DDay; the ONLY reason I didn't was because I would NEVER see my kids.
I have called her every name in the book and while that at times makes me feel better the majority of time it makes me feel worse that I let this person, someone I have never met, have that much control over me. It is not healthy.
I feel that! I had never called my W a curse word in our entire marriage. Since DDay, I don't think there is a disparaging term that I haven't used at least 10X.
The anger is incredible...not just at him but at the OW as well. I know intellectually she is not worth the head space and the power I give her by thinking about her yet emotionally I struggle with it.
I have called her every name in the book and while that at times makes me feel better the majority of time it makes me feel worse that I let this person, someone I have never met, have that much control over me. It is not healthy.
Here is how I dealt with it: I finally internalized the fact that she spends zero time thinking about me. Posted via Mobile Device
Thanks MattMatt I dont feel quite so bad about the anger and guilt, was beginning to think I was being unreasonable .... THATS how insecure his affair has made me feel. Due for some more 'Councelling' tomorrow, perhaps she will tell me to pull myself together and get over it...at least I still have my sense of humour !!!
You are not being unreasonable.
Now, how to put this? I knew my wife was with her OM. She told me she would be, as I mentioned earlier.
I suspected they were having sex, but I did not know. I did not want to know, to be honest.
But if I had heard them having sex on the phone, then would I have been quite so sanguine about it? No, I wouldn't. And I think I'd have been just as angry as you.
This British stiff upper lip stuff can be a bit wearing, some times, can't it?
So, best of British luck (I have always wanted to say that!!) with your session today.
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Re: How did you find out about the infidelity? 
Is your brother in IT or med.research? The city is known for those types of things.
