What is with people that are supposed to be close friends??

blueskies30 · 05-26-2012, 09:29 PM

So my friend has been focusing on me being codependent and I'm sure I am more than I used to be right now. I don't think I need to hear her opinion about it. Right now I'm losing my house, list my way of life for now, husband had infedility during our seperation last year, losing the house because of our seperation, Husbsnd has been laid off since jan 30th, moving in with my in laws while my husband gets ready to leave to work out of state.

Gee my emotions are all tied to those surcomstances. Both me and my Husband don't have our usual lives to take our minds off stuff. And I only have only the time until he leaves out state for months to be with him now.

I just recently got my debit card back for me and my husbands joint account. The money was not supposed to be used for anything since it was supposed to be used for moving. My husband has full use of his unfmployment since they put it on a card right now. My independence I used to have before seperation is gone. My husband monitored every cent I spend on anything.

I am also a stay at home mom to 3 kids and 2 with special needs.

After I'm moved and settled into inlaws and my husband has left to go out of state to work, I have a full planning on how I'm going to use my time
Posted via Mobile Device

EleGirl · 05-26-2012, 09:45 PM

She is most likely trying to help in her very flawed way.

blueskies30 · 05-26-2012, 10:00 PM

I'm sure she is trying to help, but since last night she has said I'm in a codependent marriage. I've been busy yesterday and today with a moving sale. I didn't text her all day or since last night when she text I was codependent. She started texting late today if I was mad at her. I did tell her a couple hours after she text that I wasn't mad at her, but I didn't like her comment. Then soon after that started texting that I was codependent after I told her of my husbands little fit tonight over barbecue sauce. I did get mad at her that time and told her she needed to cut it out with the codependent thing.

In the past she has also been the one to tell me to divorce. I know from experience divorce is not always the answer and in my case it's really not an answer.
Posted via Mobile Device

morituri · 05-26-2012, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blueskies30

In the past she has also been the one to tell me to divorce. I know from experience divorce is not always the answer and in my case it's really not an answer.

She doesn't sound like a friend of the marriage.

blueskies30 · 05-26-2012, 11:03 PM

Maybe you are right. She herself went through infedilty with her Husband 5yts ago and still talks about it often like it just happened. When I started going through my seperation she was not for me reconsiling. She was saying my Husband was eating his cake too. He could very well have been since the way I found out about his infedility was because of OW herself.

It's true so many things are very different after seperation than before. I hate it being so different and it's very hard to lose your house and have the timing of it be because of my EA that was a big part of seperation, other part was my husbands anger. I wanted a seperation before my EA because of his anger.
Posted via Mobile Device

OldWolf57 · 05-27-2012, 12:49 AM

tell him it would cost more to make bbq sauce with ketcup. Is there anyway you can get a parttime job ?? As for the friend, she is angry and bitter over her treament, and has not grown away from it. By now she should be rebuilding herself inside and out, but it seems as if she is still letting her X control her without him having to do anything.

blueskies30 · 05-27-2012, 09:41 AM

My husband actually threw a fit over me putting barbecue sauce on a napkin instead of a dish. Chick Fila had forgotten to put thier barbecue sauce in with my meal.

It's not very possible for me to get a part time job, unenployments % is high here and I've been out of work place since 03. I have worked a lot at home doing at home business, but now we are losing our home. Plus my kids are special needs and it's very hard to get schedule thier dr appts when you have a work schedule. Part oft marriage problem post seperation was I was keeping myself too busy with my at home business and taking care of my kids. My husband makes more than enough so that I can stay home, but we just have not handled our money well enough. That's why we are making a new start getting out of debt and never getting back in except for a home loan 5-7 yrs from now. It's just a very long road to get to our new start in life. First my husband has to go work 12 hrs away from me for months, while I have to move in with his parents. We are still rebuilding our marriage so it's hard to do that in these surcomstances. We still have to file our bankrupcy. Our lawyer has been waiting for us to say we are ready. First we needed to rent a house and he needed to get to work before it was filed; lots of things you can't do while you are in bankrupcy. So we are filing as soon as my Husbsnd gets to work after his background check is done.

My friend is supposed to have her own infedilty forum on yahoo, but I don't think it's helping her. She is still together with her Husbsnd who had an affair, but she never lets go of the past.
Posted via Mobile Device

OldWolf57 · 05-28-2012, 04:42 PM

Sorry about your situtiation. But stay strong and keep your eye on the future. Its said HE don't give you moe than you can bear, and I belive that. Also it sounds as if you guys know and is headed in the right direction.