tiptoe1969

I know the marriage is over. But I am so obssessed in knowing and wanting that my husband and the OW are miserable. I know the statistics of relationships from an affair are really low but I can't help thinking that they may be happy.

Will_Kane

No good can come of this.

For months you fought for your marriage, monitored your husband, went through numerous D-days, and, in general, just spent a huge amount of time working on it.

As painful as the fight for your marriage was, now that you no longer have to do it, it does create a void in your life.

Now that he is gone and it is over, you need to direct your energies elsewhere.

Go back to school, take some classes, join a gym, volunteer at a charity, etc. Fill that void with something productive, not obsession with someone who is far beneath you.

Complexity

Use this time to heal so you can get back on the dating scene. There's no sweeter revenge than your husband seeing you've moved on with your life and desired by men left,right and center. If they're happy, it's only momentarily and if that's their definition of happiness then you can do no more than pity them to be honest.

Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Try not to see them as a couple. They are two individuals who liked everyone in life are pursuing happiness. Happiness is elusive, it's not an emotion that sticks around 24x7 for anyone. People are born into this life alone - even twins - and they generally die solitary deaths, even in circumstances where people are in a car crash together or whatever, it's a solitary experience, as are things like grief, guilt, injuries, illnesses, emotions, physical pain, spiritual belief. They are jointly no better off than they are individually, and no better off individually than you can be as an individual. Right now you are likely envious because you are feeling alone and have the perspective that they are a couple. But in every couple are insecurities and so forth. There is never a sure thing. There are issues in every relationship and they are going to have to work hard at theirs to be able to enjoy it, it's not like manna from heaven is going to fall upon them...you're just seeing their fog, it's clouding your vision, contributing to you seeing their happy illusions. You know it's not like that, but you are tempted to feel that, in order to be able to put a focus on how you feel (miserable.) Just feel how you are and soon trust that you will feel something different. Never mind other people, unless they are friends of yours and going to be helpful to you to ease your time of being alone.

tiptoe1969

Complexity you are right. I want to punish him but I guess his punishment will be my happiness. I am too anxious to see them fall.

lovemylife26

Don't worry KARMA will get him one day hopefully soon.

__________________
Live Laugh Love

EleGirl

Yep, you living well is the best revenge.

Just ignore them and get on with your life.

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Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters

Jellybeans

Stop worrying about them & focus on you.

They may be happy. They may not. Either way, they are not your problem at all.

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Exposure Letter

Letter to OM/OW

Complexity

Everything is stacked against them and the world is your oyster tiptoe. Those statistics exist for a reason. You're still young and the world is in no shortage of single men. Do you honestly think your husband will ever trust her to be loyal to him? likewise you don't think she lives with constant paranoia that he could cheat on her just as easily after knowing what he's capable of?

Your happiness is the biggest FU you could give him. Good luck.

LeighRichwood

When you spend time worrying about the OW and whether she's making him happy, you're wasting time you could be spending on yourself. You have a million opportunities now that you didn't have before. Go for all of it! You deserve all of it!

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My Blog - When Your Spouse Cheats

Kurosity

I have to agree with the other posters. Make your future life and the happiness there your main focus. Best revenge you can give them. They may fail they may make it.

But they should not take up a large amount of your emotions and thoughts. It will only bring you down. Resentment and anger will only hurt you that is a fact. Don't let anything to do with them continue to hurt you. Heal and move on. Focus on that!

iheartlife

And that means pure happiness, not happiness peeking over your shoulder to see if he's watching. The best revenge is indifference.

Kurosity

Could not agree more. INDIFFERENCE!!!

Jibril

You're being vindictive, Tiptoe, and that is very, very unhealthy for you.

What you should be doing is moving forward and trying to improve yourself as a person. By improving yourself (physically, mentally, what-have-you) you improve your confidence, which in turn helps you move on. The affair will always hurt you, I don't doubt it, but the stronger you become as a person, the better you will be able to cope with it.

As you are now, you are brooding and angry - you haven't moved past the affair and separation at all. You're hurting yourself by obsessing over your ex and his lover, when you should be focusing on you, and you alone.

I'm sure you've seen the 180 list, which makes its way onto virtually every topic here. There's a reason it's so prevalent - it is designed to help you move forward.

Your attitude should not be, "I want to see them fall," but rather, "who the hell cares?"

Here. Watch this, and listen to its sage words.
True Indifference
Whenever you find yourself thinking about your ex or his lover, snap yourself out of it and REPEAT those words. I mean it. Focus on you - you shouldn't care about your ex, or pine or obsess.

Are you a loser, Tiptoe? I'd like to think not. So stop acting like one. You're letting him beat you, without him even realizing it.

tiptoe1969

WoW Jibril:-) that is the wakeup call I needed. All of you are right and I just need to get my confidence back up after he has shattered it to pieces. I know who I am and what I have. I have already spent enough energy in this madness for 9 months. He just needs to leave me alone and stop coming back and sweet talk me. Wait... I need to show him the door has finally closed.