entropy3000......its because i ignore her and dont pay any attention to her and i act like i would rather be somewhere else.........
So let her go then. Let her be with a man who is willing to show her attention and not willing for her to be with other men. You seem very ambivalent about it all.
You say you want to be married yet your actions say you do not.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
the things im speaking of happened in the past some of them way in the past......they are dredged up because my sixth sense went off when she wanted to go to miami for the concert this past january....can a husband tell a wife NO you cant go see your friend?
Hence why men ignore your presence. You in no way intimidate them They have zero approach anxiety. Sorry you do not wish to be Alpha. You see the flip side though. Essentially you give off a weak vibe and folks have no problem thinking you are just her cuckold. You are too ambivalent. Maybe part of why she is seeking more Alpha men. Men who would c0ckblock when needed and men who take what they want. You have been way too ambivalent
Hmmm! Interesting. Not sure it is always true. If a man is a narcissist no matter how alpha the hubby looks, the narcissist will still make a play.
In fact, if he is alpha, it might present more of a challenge to the narcissists. His ego might like the conquest even more.
Personally, I think it's the wife that is giving off the I'm available vibe.
When someone starts preening and puffing out their chest or batting their eyes in front of another person of the opposite sex, it gives off an I'm available vibe.
entropy 3000 this is a very insightful observation.she even told me that she thought i didnt care about her going out. but should a wife of 21 years be told what she can do and not do?
This post makes me think you have some other agenda on this board but I will answer it anyway. You seem to be fighting the right to take a stand. Why is that?
I have been married 35 years. So yes, you need to tell your wife of 21 years that this is not acceptable. It is called boundaries. So after one is tenured in marriage it is ok to lose the boudnaries and have an open marriage? Does husband of 20+ years stop needing to be respected? Is it ok for a married woman to play with the boys as long as her hubby does not know ... for sure?
There is no age limit to this stuff. It seems that many woman start acting out at this stage in marriage. They actually want to see their husband show some nads. Many have lost so much testosterone I guess they do not know how to react to this.
BUT you say this has gone on for 20 years. This is why one has the boundary talk BEFORE you marry and then make adjutsments for the duration.
This marriage is working out ok for her frankly. She is getting hers.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
yes she did that to my friend im concerned about here at the house in front of me...then said she didnt do it........your responses have been better than anything the counselor has told me. maybe i dont care because maybe i really dont want to be married..if i confront her more about my friend ill never get the truth and someone will move out....what to do?
Hmmm! Interesting. Not sure it is always true. If a man is a narcissist no matter how alpha the hubby looks, the narcissist will still make a play.
In fact, if he is alpha, it might present more of a challenge to the narcissists. His ego might like the conquest even more.
Personally, I think it's the wife that is giving off the I'm available vibe.
When someone starts preening and puffing out their chest or batting their eyes in front of another person of the opposite sex, it gives off an I'm available vibe.
I think she puts out the vibe too, but this husband does nothing about the other guys and has yet to have a serious discussion with his wife about boundaries. Just head games. I agree the main issue is between them. She is openly trying to humliate him. But him doing nothing to intervene is basically saying go for it buddy, I can be dominated and you can take my wife if you can can't her up. To much conflict avoidance here. She probably wants him to engage and show he cares.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
Last edited by Entropy3000; 05-29-2012 at 02:28 PM.
yes she did that to my friend im concerned about here at the house in front of me...then said she didnt do it........your responses have been better than anything the counselor has told me. maybe i dont care because maybe i really dont want to be married..if i confront her more about my friend ill never get the truth and someone will move out....what to do?
When will you be sitting down and setting appropriate boundaries? You should not be ok with her trips any more. She has shown she cannot be trusted. So either you go too or she does not.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
my only agenda is alternate views concerning my wifes behavior...my nice, sweet, beautiful wife has probably been cheating on me the entire time we have been married to some degree because she has felt from the begining that i never really wanted her...we got married because i got her pregnant......and over the years i have ignored her, rushed past her, not kissed her, been impatient with her and on and on and now its come home.........she tells me she loves me and she doesnt do so well when the idea of divorce up comes.........
Yes. Especially if the sister was also hooking up.
Look, there is only one reason musicians would be needing a couple of women back at the hotel. I mean come on. Posted via Mobile Device
Men will only invest time in woman for so long. In the case of a band it is only about a sure thing. They were invited back to the hotel room to have an evening of sex with two women. They are not looking to get to know the women in much more than the biblical way. Trust me they did not take a gamble here. Sex was discussed before they headed out to the hotel room. They know whether or the women would get totally naked, whether there would be unprotected sex and oral at the least. Yes this explicit. In essence some sort of negotiation took place.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
Last edited by Entropy3000; 05-29-2012 at 02:36 PM.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
the things im speaking of happened in the past some of them way in the past......they are dredged up because my sixth sense went off when she wanted to go to miami for the concert this past january....can a husband tell a wife NO you cant go see your friend?
Yes. He can tell her I am going too. He can certainly tell her that she lied and he no longer trusts her because of her previous unfaithfulness.
Why can't you assert yourself? maybe you cannot. I could for sure. But I would tell you that I probably would not bother. All the rest of this would have driven me a way years ago. So you just need to decide when you have had enough. Either try to make the marriage better or not.
What exactly your wife has been doing, who knows. But it is outside of your marriage. You know that much. That is enough for many.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
Last edited by Entropy3000; 05-29-2012 at 02:39 PM.
I have an acquaintance whose husband cheated while her brother was with him. So the sister thing means nothing.
As for being the nicest sweetest, heart of gold person, yadda yadda yadda.
This is what I thought of my husband. He likes to see himself that way, too, and others are always saying what a nice guy he is.
Still, he cheats on his wife, lies about secret phones, computers, bank accounts, trips, credit cards, etc., so he is not so nice.
I used to think he was so much nicer than I because he never shows anger at other people and he is even nice to people he claims to dislike.
Me, I am the type of person that can't hide my emotions. If I am angry you know it. If I dislike someone I can NOT socialize with them.
I used to think my husband was a better person than I because he could dislike someone and act nice around them. Now I realize he is just a phony.
The good thing is I now realize that just because I am an open book and not a phony doesn't mean my husband is a better person. It means I am the better person because I don't try to deceive people into believing I like them, when I don't.
Your husband = my ex-wife. Charming, wildly popular....and phony as all hell.
im at the point where if i let go i stay married if i start grilling her again in order to get the truth which she will never tell me we get divorced..........with no tangible proof of anything.
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Re: freaked out with strong gut feeling 
