Yesterday she said that she want to work this out, which I respond by saying you have to end it. She said that there I go again, telling her what to do.
I am a woman, I just have to say that upfront.
What I see in this simple phrase is that all she has to say is four little words, "you are being controlling" and wow you race away to prove that this couldn't possibly be true.
Moving out of the home to allow someone deep in an affair to continue the affair at their leisure certainly could never be considered "controlling." It's called being a doormat and women find it extremely unattractive.
Women want their man to fight for them. They use the word 'controlling' as a way of manipulating you. When they see that this is all it takes to make you fall over, any remaining respect they have for you sinks like a stone.
She is PROFOUNDLY disrespecting you and the marriage by behaving this way. You are trying to "nice" her back into faithfulness. I have NEVER seen this happen and you'll just have to trust us that you will not be successful by tackling the problem this way.
Please learn from the mistakes of others and don't try to re-invent the wheel on how to break up an affair.
One thing about me moving out is that things seem different now. What I mean is that she seems to be SLOWLY coming around. Before me moving out, she never said that she wanted to try and work this out.
Dude, it doesn't work like that! What she just found is that her guy ain't too keen on moving together with your wife. He's OK with f*cking her and you paying for her lingerie, but is maybe getting a bit bored.
Your tactic of sitting the affair out will only work if he dumps her. This will also mean that the next time another man enters the picture, the story repeats.
The exposure part scares me A LOT. She is always telling me what happens is between us and no one else. She also tells me that I "boo hoo" to everyone, which I dont. I just need to talk to someone about it. I cant keep this bottled up or I will go certifiable crazy.
She is intimidating and playing you. I was a soft player my self, and I can tell you only have one option: File for divorce emediatly!
That is the only way you can call her on her actions. Either she will end the affair or not - either way, you will have answers and be able to move on with YOUR life.
you know I have been trolling on this site since the get go, and it has been very good for me. I learned a lot of things from here, especially when this first came to light with the ILYBNILWY. Such as that she was having an affair, and the way everything played out since. I guess Im just scared of the whole thing. Every aspect about it.
You have two choices ; fight for your marriage and children or go your own way.
If your going to fight for your marriage and children start following a plan.
Go home now , load a keylogger and get access to his Facebook page . Him being single does not stop you damaging the affair and causing it serious harm . Expose him far and wide, parents, family friends , coworkers . Do you seriously think he will be happy chasing your wife when all around him call him a cheat . If you have to , post him on that famous site cheatersville.
Key here is for you to swallow your pain , suck it in and wage war on the affair. Do not tell her what is happening or beg, grovel or plead. Posted via Mobile Device
She does not value you as a man because you do not value yourself. As long as you're willing to be her back up man, she'll continue to treat you as such. If there is any hope in saving your marriage, it lies in how willing you are to enforce non-negotiable boundaries (her ending all contact with the OM, giving you full transparency via access to all her passwords for social media, email accounts, and telephone, etc.). For the time being, I would urge you to read and implement the principles found in Just Let Them Go and The 180 degree rules.
If you're marriage ends, at least let in end with dignity from your part.