Quote:
Originally Posted by daggeredheart  You know I reflect on this question a lot. In the midst of the discovery, when he was gone (at my request) and as I terrified and hurt as I was, there was a spark in my soul that imagined a life without him. A way to start over. A new beginning even though it was covered with fear, sadness and confusion.
Maybe it's a coping mechanism to deal with loss?? I hope I don't regret it overall but some days I damn sure do.
I would love to hear that stat as well. |
I have felt that as well....I would imagine the freedom of doing whatever I wanted when I wanted..if I wanted to take a trip then I would do it..it wouldn't be a situation of having to see if my spouse agrees to it, etc.
Plus knowing that somebody else would at some point be in my life and there was a certain level of excitment with that..who would this person be..I would imagine myself developing feeling for someone else and how I would think to myself this is great, I should have been with this person all along. Most people I know that are divorced/widowed, etc. do find love again and they seem so incredibly happy.
In anger I find myself perusing the dating websites one time and I found myself seeing guys that I thought..wow they seem interesting.
But at the same time, I would feel sadness, fear, etc. at the thought of being single and starting over again. I have been with H since I was 19.
I do want to work on my marriage and stay with H however at times the overwhelming emotions I feel, anger, sadness, etc. I think how much longer can I take feeling like this..I want normalcy, etc.
I have prepared myself that if I catch him again that is it..no questions asked. I refuse to go thru this all again in my life.
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Re: I can't lie here beside you, because you steal my soul when you are near. 
