I believe her when she says she wont be seeing him again.
and why the fluck would you believe her about anything right now?
This is the same person that lied to your face and called you crazy hours before that when you woke her up with 'proof'... then she just FELL ASLEEP again?. You'd think she might be a little more rattled and her mind would be racing having just been caught by her husband getting texts from some guy she's been ***ing for months?... Guess not.
There is no way in H3LL you should be offering her the chance to reconcile yet... you got a lot of discovering to do, and you haven't got a clue how deep this rabbit hole goes.
Take that sh*t off the table right now. You need to get your bearings before you jump into forgiving her and reconciling this.
She needs to give you full transparency to all her stuff - FB, email, phone password, etc. This is the only way you can build any sort of trust. Is this guy living near her mom? It seems it would be very easy for her to keep seeing him without you knowing it.
My suggestion? Next time she goes, you take your son and pay her a surprise visit.
The belief/trust in her is misplaced, I think its pretty common.
When a bomb like this drops, a person scrambles to find anything. Blaming themselves, hypersensitivity/feelings of needing to connect emotionally with the WS right then and there. Trying to hold on to the idea of who you thought she was. Its all to do with your OWN coping.
Give it time, you'll get pissed. The sooner the better.
It sounds to me that she had no intention of stopping and is only stopping it now because she was caught. If the roles were reversed would she be so accepting and forgiving as you?
She has totally disrespect your and your marriage. If you do not respect yourself then who will?
I suggest that you:
1. Both get tested for STD's immediately.
2. Expose the affair to the OM's significant other.
3. See a lawyer to understand your options.
Do you think she engaged in this sexual affair because she knew even if she was caught you would forgive her anyway. Why did she do this to you and what did she think would happen when you found out? I doubt you have the full story.
If you actually imagine you want to R, the first thing that happens is the move to mama's house ain't happening. Your WW stays home. How many kids do you have by her? Note: I did not ask how many kids she has, I just want to know the number from you. See where I'm going with this?
well, I can't put all the details together right now in a format that would make any sense. so, i showed my wife this sight earlier and she is currently making a post of her own. so if someone could lock this, we could move the discussion over to that thread instead. I was just wanting to get it off my chest since I haven't felt like telling any of my family or friends.