Hello, I'm not exactly sure where to start or what to say right now. I just found out my wife has been having an affair for the last 3 months. There is a pile of back story I don't have time to write about , cause i have to get ready for work.
I just wanted to get this thread started , I'll actually edit in or make a new post with what has actually happen'd and how things got to the point of her cheating. I'm just glad i found some place with people who know what I'm dealing with. Trying to Put this story into words and proper perspective is going to take more time than i have right now.
She is away in another city right now, we are relocating and she has been unemployed for the better part of a year. she is living with her sister and mother , cause they live in the area we are moving too. The only reason this relocation started was cause her mother almost got killed by her father and now needs help to do certain tasks on a daily basis. Since she is sans job and doesn't help pay the bills right now, it made sense for her to go there and help out , change her nursing license over to where were going and start job searching.
So, i think a lot of you can see where this will be going, ill write up the rest of this later.
I caught her this weekend,. she has been coming back home every 3 to 4 weeks to see me etc. I have had a sneaking suspicion something has been going on for the last month, when i said something she denied it made me feel like I was being paranoid. that this guy was "just" a friend. Etc.
She was back for the weekend,So sunday morning around 4am she gets a text, she asleep im a sleep but i hear it, 30 mins later my son wakes up , i get up, get him a bottle. Smoke on the deck, pee..bam another text message. I'm like who the F.... is texting at 4am. It turns out its him, and his message makes me think they are doing it but its subtle. So i ask her she says, he must be drunk and trying to text his girl "Mary". Im shaking im so mad but she calms me down and i go back to sleep.
I wake up with my son a couple hours later and I keep thinking about the texts etc, and so i go onto her computer load up her messenger witch she leaves signed in, and snoop her history witch she didn't delete. Sure enough, there was all the proof that was needed. I waited a bit to clam down, woke her up told her I knew and to spill the beans. She told me everything , and what was going on etc.
We will be attempting to reconcile, I believe her when she says she wont be seeing him again. though I did say I will leave her and take our son if it ever happens again, No discussions just gone.
Find a post by AlmostRecovered - any post - and read all of the links in his signature. They are the best place to start.
Do not believe her when she tell you she's ended it - she'll be lying - it's a virtual certainty. There is plenty you can do to bust the affair and make sure it's over but you will have to take action and do some concrete things. If you're willing to reconcile and your wife wants to reconcile she may well need your help breaking the affair - they can be very much like addictions.
Good Luck - keep posting here. Lots of good advice and people who want to help.
Please don't believe it's over just because she says so! Most cheaters do not just snap out of it on dday! She may truly be sorry but may try to see him for a tearful, soulful goodbye (puke) or she will take it underground and hide it even better. Her living away from you is not a good situation right now. Good luck. Be vigilant, don't cry or beg...and do not trust anything....not yet!
I'm sorry you are here my friend. Your wife is not sorry about the affair. If anything, she is sorry about getting caught. Your journey is just beginning. Threr will be one central theme: Lies.
I wish it wasn't so, but it is almost universally the case. You are at a great disadvantage in tracking her activity since she is not living with you full time. Read this board and don't make the decision to reconcile too quickly. I'm confident you haven't heard everything.