Re: It's almost 2 years and I can't forget
I am a victim...and survivor... of infidelity...I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder, the result of being blindsided by my husbands affair. I had seen little red flags while he was having an affair, but somehow couldn't comprehend what was actually unfolding, until last year.
Married 21 years...2 gorgeous children, great dog...loving husband...or so I thought... Rumours circulating...which he told me were lies...had no reason not to trust him...there was something a little off, during the 2 years, before I actually found out...now looking back, I can see all of the little red flags, I chose to ignore. I did not want to lose my family unit...that was my whole life.
We had purchased a new home outside of our community, the old home was in our possession...we had a huge argument over an employee, rumours he was having an affair with her...we did not speak for 2 weeks... He got up one morning, told me he was moving back to our old home...I was in shock...but figured a little space would do us both good. I was lonely, in the new home and hoped he would trade spaces....After two days, I decided to go to our old home,and speak with him about trading places...when I arrived there were new dead bolts installed on the doors...I rang the doorbell and knocked...he would not answer...I went to the kitchen, only to see a vase of flowers on the windowsill...I rang the doorbell again...he finally answered...I ran passed him, up to the stairs....only to see his employee, in my washroom, applying her make-up....Shocked was not the word! I could not speak, as I collapsed to the ground...I looked up at her, as she looked down at me...she had the biggest SMIRK of victory, on her face...I could not speak, only to ask, "how could both of you,do this to me?" I wondered where was my husband...who is that stranger? Everything went blank...I had amnesia for 5 days.....I had a mental breakdown.....
After a month of therapy, many tears and sleepless nights...that pit in my tummy, it would not go away. There was no relief or escape from it...I still have it from time to time.
My husband showed up on my doorstep, shortly after my month of therapy...I was passed the anger phase, thank God...we went for a walk around a lake....we were supposed to talk about finances but the conversation became intimate...he apologized to me...and asked for forgiveness and a second chance....I decided to give him that chance...8 months ago...things are better than ever between us...
Even though I have moved forward, I still have feelings of insecurity...not from anything that he is doing, just from the emotional trauma I was subjected to...he has gone above the call of duty...he is the old husband I knew and loved.... I try to deal with it on a daily basis...some days are still pretty raw and tough.
There is no easy way to destroy the life of a loved one....I know I would have been hurt...in a milder, more gentle way, if my husband had to leave because he was unhappy...it was awful, finding out, he really had an affair for over 2 years...and moved the other woman, in to our family home...and bought her flowers, the day after leaving me.
I am not the same girl who fell on the floor...I have picked myself up...I look for answers...there are none for me...reading similar stories gives me perspective...and it is nice to know, despite not wishing this kind of hurt, on anybody else...that I am not alone.