Discovered the affair about 3 weeks ago. My wife is very upset and remorseful and this seems genuine but given her behavior of the last 2 years I don't know what to believe. Honestly this other guy is such a loser, she may have realized that the grass may have looked greener on the other side of the fence but infact it was just painted concrete.
What makes this even harder is that this is so out of character for her.
There are biological imperatives involved here that most people do not want to face up to for a variety of reasons. Have you ever heard of LTR game, PUA game or so-called "evolutionary psychology?" If not, check out this site for an explanation of what is going on with women in their 30's: Married Man Sex Life or if you like your meat raw, check out Roissy.
The above is not in any PC, but they contain much hard won wisdom.
My wife is very upset and remorseful and this seems genuine but given her behavior of the last 2 years I don't know what to believe.
It can be difficult, sometimes, to parse out what is true remorse, and what is just guilt and shame at being caught. They can appear to be confusingly similar at first. Guilt and shame are her negative feelings at losing something that meant a lot to her and annoyance that her comfortable position has been destroyed; remorse is primarily shown by ACTIONS.
Those actions include: total transparency (i.e., sharing of all phones, facebook accounts, email accounts, texting, passwords, computers, etc.); accounting for her whereabouts; answering questions sincerely; avoiding trickle truth once it's pointed out (they all do it); agreeing to meet with the therapist and fully admitting all the LIES; writing a letter of no contact to the OM that you send certified mail (coordinate with the OMW), just to name a few.
Machiavelli and Tacoma, I agree, the way she treated the other wife was appalling and I have said to her that if we have any chance of moving forward she needs to work out in her head how she was able to do that to someone. I suggest thats why most of her friends have deserted her.
I'm over saying "that's what you get when you do something like this" Posted via Mobile Device
Machiavelli and Tacoma, I agree, the way she treated the other wife was appalling and I have said to her that if we have any chance of moving forward she needs to work out in her head how she was able to do that to someone. I suggest thats why most of her friends have deserted her.
I'm over saying "that's what you get when you do something like this" Posted via Mobile Device
So it sounds like she is primarily mourning not just the loss of her OM but also her social circle. That sounds like a pity party, not remorse.
I think what she did to the OMW was utterly cruel. She used her status of friend to blindside and cheat with her husband. Think about the mindset of a person who can do it to their best friend?
Even in such pain, the OMW informed you.You should thank her for it. Talk to her if you can. Is the OMW divorcing her H? I'm sure your W had a few more discussion with the OM before confessing to you.
18 months and neighbors, only in motels come on. They did it in you house in your bed many many times. Ask your wife is she at least changed the sheets after having sex in your marriage bed.her response will show you they did it there.
I would say divorce her.let the looser have her,she's cheap and you yourself can really do much much better than her. Who cares that she is suddenly remorseful now that she is caught. The times you asked her and even confronted her, she had no remorse, no guilt, and likely laughed at how clueless you were when she met her OM next.
When she blew your questions off and lied she showed her true colors and true loyalty. After all your years together she tossed you aside for that looser. Her friends new and dumped her, you should follow their wise ldecusion and dump her too.
Why oh why would you want someone you can trust and who would let a looser like the OM humiliate you like the teo of the have.
Remember to expose the affair to friends and family so they also know whsere her loyalties and love lie.
I recommend you dump your bed into the trash and buy yourself a nice new one. Let her sleep on the couch, or in the car with the OM she has chosen over you. Posted via Mobile Device
Oh, and offer to buy the OMW dinner and even a nice vacation. The two of you should consider ditching your cheating spouses and go someplace nice. Posted via Mobile Device
Discovered the affair about 3 weeks ago. My wife is very upset and remorseful and this seems genuine but given her behavior of the last 2 years I don't know what to believe. Honestly this other guy is such a loser, she may have realized that the grass may have looked greener on the other side of the fence but infact it was just painted concrete.
What makes this even harder is that this is so out of character for her. Posted via Mobile Device
She's only upset that she got caught. She only admitted to the affair because she was about to be outed. The lies could have continued on for many years if not for OM wife. Take this into account in any decision you make. Sorry you're here.
DEMAND her a detailed written timeline of the affair; calendar in hand she'd use whatever she need to jag her memory, and warn her she will have to back it up with a polygraph. You will see how the around 15 hotel encounters become hundreds of right under your nose sneaking BJs, morning quikies, defiling both houses, cars, strange places... better I stop here. About the ''out of character'' you are luklily to find out more OMs in the past. You don't enter in such a cruel huge double betrayal in one step.
she may have realized that the grass may have looked greener on the other side of the fence but infact it was just painted concrete.
What makes this even harder is that this is so out of character for her. Posted via Mobile Device
She didn't realize crap. The cow got caught grazing in some else's pasture. ( and would in all likelihood still be do it.) Your problem is that even if you reconcile, you'll be thinking about her actions months and maybe years from now. You may see it as out of character but her actions tell it like it is. Just hope that if they met at the motel on Wednesday afternoons, you didn't give her oral sex Wednesday evenings.
As jh52 said, she'd still be in the affair had the OM's wife not found out. This is not remorse you're witnessing, it's face saving. You'd have to be a pretty cold person to pretend to help your friend with her marital problems while at the same time sleep with her husband.
Your wife is a real piece of work. Her behavior is disgusting. She has played you for a fool for the past 18 months and her behavior toward the OW was repulsive.
She had no intention of ever telling you and would have continued to play you for a fool but she was forced to tell you. If the roles were reversed your wife would be at a lawyer's right now.
1. You need to be tested for STD's.
2. You need to contact a lawyer to understand your options.
She was willing to destroy her marriage, humiliate her husband and put you at risk for STD's. They must have had a great time laughing behind your back. She banged this guy at least 15 times at a hotel. Do you feel proud and special that she is your wife. She clearly has no respect for you whatsoever. She engaged in this affair for 18 months probably because she knew you would forgive anyway so she had nothing to lose. She has engaged in total humiliation and emasculation of you. If you do not respect yourself then who will?
Others have said it well.
You have not mentioned anything about your feelings, health, kids after the affair is discovered.
First, read the newbies link.
Take good care of yourself and kids first. Your wife wantonly went into the affair. This is certain. Dont take any part of the blame yourself.
Imo'I don't think she ever thought the grass was greener.She's just a cake eater who wanted what she wanted and too bad for you and the wife,as all that mattered was her.If this was my wife I was looking at,then I'd be looking at a total f'n stranger.To me anyway.
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Re: Problems coping with wifes affair 
