Discovered the affair about 3 weeks ago. My wife is very upset and remorseful and this seems genuine but given her behavior of the last 2 years I don't know what to believe. Honestly this other guy is such a loser, she may have realized that the grass may have looked greener on the other side of the fence but infact it was just painted concrete.
What makes this even harder is that this is so out of character for her. Posted via Mobile Device
That's not true. Allow me to be frank. If he truly was a loser, your wife wouldnt have been interested in him for the last 2 years. She obviously found qualities in him she liked -- that will never change.
And she's not remorseful. Because if she was, she would had told you herself and not forced by the other woman. Besides, she enjoyed the affair and developed feelings for her lover over the last 2 years. This is not something that can be turned off instantly -- right?
This woman you call a wife----SHE ARGUED WITH YOU, AND LITERALLY DESTROYED HER LOVERS WIFE---so she could keep her tryst going.
I wanna ask you something---what do you see in the mirror, when you are in front of it----what do you see in the mirror when the filth that claims to be your wife is in front of it.
She has been with him----well lets even tone, it down time wise,---to one year---that is 365 days---and you think they have only been together 15 times,---get a new adding machine
What is it you do not understand about THAT SHE ARGUED YELLED SCREAMED AT YOU, when you tried to protect your own mge.---SHE LIED WITH EVERY WORD OUT OF HER MOUTH----How do you stand to be in the same room with her, the stench must be terrible
You certainly do not need any advise from me-------the perfect advise for you to follow ---IS----that, that her own circle of friends applied to her----THEY DROPPED/DUMPED HER.----Nuff said-------good luck to you, and your sub-conscious, and the thing that calls herself your wife.
You got one piece of colossally bad advice here. DO NOT MOVE OUT OF YOUR HOME. if any moves it is her.
Moving out of your house can be seen as child abandonment by the courts if you decide to divorce. If someone leaves do your best to make it your wife. In ant event stay put.
How many kids do you have?
What has your wife done to help you through this? Is it all about her?
Moving out of your house can be seen as child abandonment by the courts if you decide to divorce. If someone leaves do your best to make it your wife. In ant event stay put.
And even if it's not seen by the court as abandonment, per se, it establishes a status quo that favors the wife: she in the house with the kids, you in the ratty apartment or a friend's couch. Most courts by default will seek to maintain the status quo. So you've just wound up screwing yourself for the foreseeable future.
If your wife truly loved you, she would of not slept or had a relationship with another man period! She is using you for a roof over her head and it's convenient for her.
Your better off divorcing her. I doubt for a second she'd remain faithful to you ever.
She's a piece of work! Not only she deceived you, she deceived the woman who she "befriended". What a mean malicious woman she is!
Your posts put a lot of the blame on the OM. Too much. Your wife carried on an affair for a very long time, and pretended that all was well with you. She only told you when she had no other choice. I think you need to accept that she is being guided to reconciliation by consequences that may impact her, but certainly not you. She feels bad because of losing friends, social status, or looking stupid. Not a lot of feeling bad because she broke you, as a man. And for two years, this was a deliberate act on her part, only stopped by someone else.
I feel for you. I'm a wife so I will not say I know exactly how you feel. My husband deceived me once too, and believe me, it hurt like hell. That episode has long been forgotten because I chose to. I didn't say forget about it and start anew. I know its not as simple as that. What I'm saying is, you have a choice. To wallow in self pity and let the whole thing destroy you and your family or Divorce her if you want, hate her, ex communicate her BUT for your sake, move on and let go.
I feel for you. I'm a wife so I will not say I know exactly how you feel. My husband deceived me once too, and believe me, it hurt like hell. That episode has long been forgotten because I chose to. I didn't say forget about it and start anew. I know its not as simple as that. What I'm saying is, you have a choice. To wallow in self pity and let the whole thing destroy you and your family or Divorce her if you want, hate her, ex communicate her BUT for your sake, move on and let go.
I absolutely cannot understand your advice. He is still reeling in shock from this. He hasn't even had a chance to thoroughly process this and you are telling him to "move on and let go?" Three weeks after Dday?
I don't consider it wallowing in self pity to take time to figure out what you want and need before moving in one direction or another.
The thin strand of rope that your wife was holding onto has now turned into a hangman's noose, firmly entangled around her neck. It is now time to open the "trap door" to divorce.
Provided there is no prenup in place and that you are in a community property setting, do not opt for the "no-fault" divorce. Go at it from "at-fault," go after custody of the kids, and go after getting her sorry bones extricated from your home.
This is deception and betrayal at its absolute worst!
__________________ Davelli0331:If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
18 months, neighbors, a reckless cruel cheating wife and you believe that its only 15 times at motel. REALLY?
They where banging on your bed, couch, dining table and you name it they did it there. Take your marital bed out to your lawn and burn it to ashes let others see that. Give you couches for charity.
She is surely not remorseful, because she is a cunning cheater, she not only cheated you, her friends but also OMW in a horrible Horrible way without any guilt, else she might have stoped it when you confronted her insted she yelled and screamed at you said you are anti social and mae you a fool, They may have laughed their a$$out saying you are so clueless and a champ.but in a day she turned into very remorseful. Where she hide the switch, which when turned on suddenly made her very remorseful?
If she was not compelled to out herself to you she may have been banging OM on your bed right now. What happend to her guilt and remorse when she was banging him under your nose and pretended everything was fine and gave you sloppy seconds after OM banging her A$$ out.
How can a person with a trace of respect for her husband or marriage can bang OM right under your nose with sneaky BJs and quickies when you turns your head around.
Her betrayal is ultimate and for a long time, her remorse is because she got caught and ashamed and afraid to face the consequences. There should be consequences for her ultimate cruel betrayal.Give D paper to her and walk away with your head held high. You are a good man you deserve better.
How gullible are you---really????----You say you think your wife was sweet talked into this---give us all a break!!!!
Your wife F'ING FOUGHT YOU ---to be able to be with this guy----she destroyed the innocent other wife---she was so brazen that her own circle of friends disowned her-------what more do you want/need
You can stay with her, obviously-----you and no one else lives in your shoes---but what I really wanna know is how do you stand to look at her/touch her/talk to her
Do you really think another TRUE word will ever come from her lips.-------She has destroyed her own flesh and blood kids---even if you suck it up, and stay----your household is not one that any normal person would ever wanna live in.
I doubt very much she will have guilt/shame/true remorse----what she is gonna have is LONGING FOR HER LOST LOVER---as for you, who knows----only you can decide what you will do---but this woman who claims to be your wife, and your children's mother---she certainly doesn't deserve to lay claim to being a mother, in any way shape or form---for a mother would never do to her kids, what this woman did to them----they were right in front of her everyday---AS SHE PLANNED/SCHEMED/CONNIVED/LIED---so she could go and screw her lover-------right there with her own kids, who she should have done anything/everything to keep them safe---and off she went, knowing she was destroying their lives---did she care-----NOT ONE IOTA
This person all of a sudden is remorseful---give me a break!!!!!!
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Re: Problems coping with wifes affair 
Re: Problems coping with wifes affair 
