I think going very dark on her for a while would be effective by making her unable to plead with you and lie more
I do think you should expose it where you can but it's your choice.
I also think you should send her a message: I win I'm going to be free from the lying and the OM is going to have to put up with living with a liar full time. I almost feel sorry for him. Posted via Mobile Device
I don't have qnything to talk to her about, my lawyer can listen to her lies. Posted via Mobile Device
The point of keeping the VAR on yourself from now on is, quite often when a cheating wife is exposed and/or served with divorce papers they'll go batsh!tcrazy and claim domestic violence on you. Keeping a VAR on yourself will let you loose from these false claims.
Thats the issue, she has very little family and her friends are her friends and that will not change. Most people don't care unless it affects them directly, IMO. I truly believe exposure would be best if I wanted to end the affair, however I don't. He can have her, she's garbage to me. The exposure would hurt me I think more then her, so for now I will use it as leverage.
I disagree. Some of her friends, if they have morals, will start looking at her differently. You may not notice it right away, but they will always have it in their heads that she cheated for 3+ years.
Hmmm, maybe some of them already knew but didnt tell you?
I too had a false R; Same sort of deal, she’d just gone underground and faked the rest with me. I call it the second breaking. That is when my gut told me to end it. You are on the right path.
Now, what happened in my story... I had just sort of stopped caring at all. Seriously, a huge weight had lifted and I no longer cared what she did with herself or what the hell she thought of me. She tried all the ‘tricks’ to get me to re-engage back... I just saw them as pathetic or humorous. I laughed at her. And when she got nasty, I had zero problems just going for her throat and ripping apart her self esteem. I just saw her as the awful person she was.
This is when I started seeing real change. She hit bottom. Got suicidal and so forth. And I just stood back... I wasn’t going to catch her and didn’t care. That drove her deeper and deeper. I don’t know what exactly flipped in her mind, but she became different. Sort of a pleady needy thing doing what she could to try and make it right again. She started coming up with things on her own to help me. She went into IC and started working on herself. And I just stayed there and observed out of morbid curiosity to see what would rise out of the ashes.. That was 18 months ago and I’m still in this marriage. No idea if we’ll make it or not or if my choice was a good one.
When you are ready to drop the bomb, have her clothes in garbage bags waiting by the door. Tell her to go stay with the OM. Hit her all at once with everything. Devastate her, full blitz. Posted via Mobile Device
I'm not keeping it quiet for my wife'ss sake, I'm doing for my children. They are very closse to their mother and she is and always has been a excellent parent. I think I'm just very numb at this point.
I have not gotten through the posts yet, so maybe someone asked this:
What would you feel if one of your children's [future] spouses did this to them? Should the child be embarrassed? Being a good parent means setting a good example and being an honest person, not just pretending to do the right thing when you think people are looking.
Download the VAR recording to your computer, save it to a WAV file on a flash drive and then if she denies, send the file out to friends and family via e-mail so they can hear it for themselves.
In fact, download all the hard evidence you have onto a flash drive and keep it in case things go south and you are forced to leave the house.
I have copies of over 200 pages of email and Facebook communications, along with about 100 explicit pictures of my ex. They are on my laptop, external hard drive, copied to a CD, flash drive, and stored on and off site at home and work. I never exposed to anyone but a few friends and family members because she was a walk away wife. If she tries to make me the bad guy, the truth is but an email broadcast away.