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Faking remorse

77K views 266 replies 54 participants last post by  MattMatt 
#1 ·
My WW appears to be very sorry for her 3 year A, but I can't help but think it's all just a big act. How hard/easy would it be for a WS to fake being remorseful? I figure not that hard since they all have mastered the art of lying. How do I know she's truly sorry? I haven't posted my whole story yet because it's still unfolding. She admitted that she had been having an A for the past 3 years but has claimed NC since March. I talked to her the other day about the NC letter I read about on this site and she refuses to write or send one to the OM. I have been keeping a close eye on her but I'm not sure she has completely cut ties with the OM, she won't tell me much about him. Should I push her for more Info?
 
#213 ·
Believe it or not I haven't confronted her yet, my lawyer has suggested I get more evidence because a one sided conversation isn't really enough. I have an appointment with a P I on Tuesday. The VAR is still hidden in her car and I plan on putting one in her office at work as soon as I can get there and her not know.
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#224 ·
Does your wife want quick and fair?

Make sure you are playing the same game as your wife.

No good turning up in cricket whites if your wife is dressed as a linebacker.

Not sure about that analogy. Could you picture your wife dressed as a linebacker? It's just that being a foreigner, I'm not entirely certain of the correct terminology for what people wear on a baseball court. :rolleyes: :smthumbup:
 
#225 ·
c_l, I can sympathize with you wanting a quick and fair divorce but you have to be ready. Once she gets served with divorce papers, she may turn nasty, ugly and vindictive. Consult with your attorney on how to legally return the misery IF she wants to destroy you financially.
 
#231 ·
I beleive in fair. Fair would be Changing the locks, put a few of her clothes in a bag, giving the rest of her stuff, computer, phones, to goodwill, and dropping her off at the Pile of sh!t Other mans house with a fresh hundred dollar bill.
 
#237 ·
Yes, however I've been working alot and nnot seeing her as much. I drive by the OM's house at least twice a day to see if she's there, so far I haven't seen her car in the driveway. But that means nothing, he could be picking her up from work for all I know. It's very hard beingin the same room as her.
 
#242 ·
What I've found from personal experience is that if two people want to see each other, they will. No matter how hard you try, you can not monitor another person 24/7 with out a security bracelet, and even then, they can meet someplace that flies under your radar, like in your own home.
Well, verification, from where I sit, isn't about keeping affair partners apart. It might have some of that effect, but that isn't the point. The U.S. is a free country. So two people want to be together--monitoring them doesn't prevent this. (And just to be clear, right now the OP isn't doing anything to directly intervene in the affair until he can file for D.)

When the love of your life tells you to your face, I want to reconcile--and I'll gladly attend MC, just like the OP's spouse--well, in the normal world, outside of Affair World, you would take that entirely at face value. Some would have gone straight to D. But can you understand someone who wouldn't? It would hurt so much that they had betrayed you, but if you love your spouse so much, you might find yourself welcoming the opportunity to enter counseling.

This thread is a textbook case for verification. His wife didn't seem to be "into" reconciling. Some people might be strong enough to divorce over that. But most people aren't when they have children and many years invested. What verification does in these cases, and it did in this one, is to level the playing field against an inveterate liar. She was a coward. She was NEVER going to ask for a divorce from the OP. Or if she was, it was on her own very leisurely timetable. When you look up "cake eater" in the dictionary, there's her picture front and center.

wrsteele1's case is almost the same (except the time frame was much shorter, which might affect that outcome). Wife "ends" it with the AP, goes to MC, tries to work on the marriage, but heart isn't in it. But is never going to ask for a divorce--she wants ALL of that blame to fall on the loyal spouse for breaking up the home and hurting the children. They also have other needs met, particularly a home and financial security. Cheaters are profoundly selfish that way--but they know they have to hide it. To the bitter end, they are going to blame YOU to everyone they meet for ending the marriage. Some people are strong enough not to care--but many people aren't and who are we to judge them for that!

Of course, some would argue that you just D right away upon discovery of an affair. Maybe that's the OP's situation--or maybe his wife just deserves the best actress Oscar at this year's WS awards. Once again, he had the nerve to find out the truth, when far too many BSs are terrified to try to do that.
 
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