What I've found from personal experience is that if two people want to see each other, they will. No matter how hard you try, you can not monitor another person 24/7 with out a security bracelet, and even then, they can meet someplace that flies under your radar, like in your own home.
Well, verification, from where I sit, isn't about keeping affair partners apart. It might have some of that effect, but that isn't the point. The U.S. is a free country. So two people want to be together--monitoring them doesn't prevent this. (And just to be clear, right now the OP isn't doing anything to directly intervene in the affair until he can file for D.)
When the love of your life tells you to your face, I want to reconcile--and I'll gladly attend MC, just like the OP's spouse--well, in the normal world, outside of Affair World, you would take that entirely at face value. Some would have gone straight to D. But can you understand someone who wouldn't? It would hurt so much that they had betrayed you, but if you love your spouse so much, you might find yourself welcoming the opportunity to enter counseling.
This thread is a textbook case for verification. His wife didn't seem to be "into" reconciling. Some people might be strong enough to divorce over that. But most people aren't when they have children and many years invested. What verification does in these cases, and it did in this one, is to level the playing field against an inveterate liar. She was a coward. She was NEVER going to ask for a divorce from the OP. Or if she was, it was on her own very leisurely timetable. When you look up "cake eater" in the dictionary, there's her picture front and center.
wrsteele1's case is almost the same (except the time frame was much shorter, which might affect that outcome). Wife "ends" it with the AP, goes to MC, tries to work on the marriage, but heart isn't in it. But is
never going to ask for a divorce--she wants ALL of that blame to fall on the loyal spouse for breaking up the home and hurting the children. They also have other needs met, particularly a home and financial security. Cheaters are profoundly selfish that way--but they know they have to hide it. To the bitter end, they are going to blame YOU to everyone they meet for ending the marriage. Some people are strong enough not to care--but many people aren't and who are we to judge them for that!
Of course, some would argue that you just D right away upon discovery of an affair. Maybe that's the OP's situation--or maybe his wife just deserves the best actress Oscar at this year's WS awards. Once again, he had the nerve to find out the truth, when far too many BSs are terrified to try to do that.