I will give her what's rightfully hers, and if she tries to play hardball I will expose her to anyone and everyone. I know the general rule is to expose the affair but I have decided not to at this point.
You going to ignore this advice however if your not reminded of it when day will comes that she gaslights you and lies to friends and family, you only have yourself to blame.
Expose the affair to her family, sit with your children and explain what happened.
Take the OM out. Why would you stand back while she calls on him to get advice and support how to destroy you emotionally and financially. Done correctly you outing the OM will keep him occupied in saving himself. Your reason for taking the OM out is to remove a backup plan for your wife and ensure that their fantasy life together will be seen for what it is - a lie.
While today you are set on D , tomorrow when the dust clears and she is out of the fog you may have a very different view. She may turn completely round and fight for you even though it is hard for you to see that today with what is happening.
Far to many BS hide behind the "I will blackmail her, play hardball, not expose because blah blah blah".
Anything you say after D will be seen as vindictive and bitter, revealing the affair today will tell the truth as to why you are doing what you are doing.
Protect yourself from her future lies and gas lighting.
One other thing about exposure is that if she tries to introduce the OM as her new boyfriend, her family and children will know who he is and reject him and her relationship with him. And even if they don't, at least you'll have the personal satisfaction of having helped exposed the fraud she is perpetrating.
Expose them. Listen to what we are telling you. If this guy has a wife she has aright to know she is being manipulated and lied to. If you dit it for anyone do it for her. Posted via Mobile Device
If you have important information at home (paper and digital), retrieve it ASAP to a secure location just in case things turn against you and you can't return to the house.
Please consider conveying the following to her calmly, quietly and respectfully (shows her your inner strength) .
"Look <your wife's first name>, I won't be in an open relationship with you, I won't give you X number of days, weeks, months to make your mind, if you really feel like you need to sit on the fence on this decision and can't decide between the OM and me well I will make the decision for you, you can be with him because I'm no longer an option. I love you and wish you a good life with him and hope it works out for you because it didn't work out for us. Now the best thing we can do for each other is to make this process as graceful and peaceful as possible for us and our children, I'll contact a lawyer/mediator and get started on the process of our legal separation/divorce."
Expose them. Listen to what we are telling you. If this guy has a wife she has aright to know she is being manipulated and lied to. If you dit it for anyone do it for her. Posted via Mobile Device
OM us single, no wife or gf that I can find. I could care less what her friends or family think. I know and I now have proof. So I finally for the first time in 3 months feel like I have control. I didn't just find out about the affair yesterday, what I found out is it never ended. I feel like a complete idiot. Posted via Mobile Device
If you ignore what Eli-Zor just said, you will regret it terribly. The fear causing you not to expose will be dwarfed by the pain and frustration of being railroaded into a corner you can't get out of.
Your going to get flucked, you REALLY think they don't have a plan?!?. An entire storyline is already drawn up. It's Two vs One and the TWO are HIGHLY motivated and completely without conscience. In thier story you are the bad guy and they are soulmate shmoopies....
Clear your head, go back a couple pages....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pit-of-my-stomach
Get your flucking head out of your a$$. This is not going to play out anything like your imagining.
Wake up call.
Like it or not, you are about to play a very high stakes game, if you don't make the rules you will be playing by hers... You will get eaten alive.
You seem to think divorce is a consequence to her? lol. She doesn't give a fluck, this marraige has been over for a very long time in her eyes. She just wants it her way, bet your a$$ she has a plan to make that happen.
You're NOT an idiot! She IS the idiot because once the OM has to deal with her sh!t on a day to day basis - instead of banging her for short periods of time - the affair's days will be numbered. She will see how much her lover truly loves her once he throws her to the curve. She'll find herself with no husband and no lover.
I agree with everyone about exposure. My question is who do you expose them to? Limited to family and friends? Or do you get real creative and try to bring the OM down at work? My EW worked for him in a busy office. I tried, and I was ignored by the community. Actually I think it hurt me more in terms of my reputation. It appears in today's society, things of this nature does not have an negative impact. The only negative impact was on me.
Your going to get flucked, you REALLY think they don't have a plan?!?. An entire storyline is already drawn up. It's Two vs One and the TWO are HIGHLY motivated and completely without conscience. In thier story you are the bad guy and they are soulmate shmoopies....
Clear your head, go back a couple pages....
You seem to think divorce is a consequence to her? lol. She doesn't give a fluck, this marraige has been over for a very long time in her eyes. She just wants it her way, bet your a$$ she has a plan to make that happen.
There is no question if this is the case. My EW had everything in place by the time I decided to file. I think she would have waited for another year if I didn't push it. Time is your biggest ally. If you can shorten their strategic plans, it will be to your advantage. Just a matter of whether you want them to execute it on their terms.
I agree with everyone about exposure. My question is who do you expose them to? Limited to family and friends? Or do you get real creative and try to bring the OM down at work? My EW worked for him in a busy office. I tried, and I was ignored by the community. Actually I think it hurt me more in terms of my reputation. It appears in today's society, things of this nature does not have an negative impact. The only negative impact was on me.
On her side , parents, siblings, their children and a few of her good friends. On the OM's side all his family including adult children , friends if you can get to them. If the workplace is being used as the affair then the HR Director , other directors and their bosses.
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Actually I think it hurt me more in terms of my reputation. It appears in today's society, things of this nature does not have an negative impact. The only negative impact was on me.
This may appear to be so to you today, I do believe that a significant number of people will have heard you and be silent on the matter. Their silence does not mean they are negative to you.
Unfortunately there is no golden wand, there is a tested process and those who give you the negative attitude should keep any eye out and hope their spouses or SO's are not going to cheat . I have seen this wheel spin before , its amazing their how attitudes change when its their turn.
The act of false R happens too often. We see it all the time.
The key now is hat you take back control. No matter whether you decide to truly R or D you need to take back that control from your wife.
Please, please listen to Morituri, Pit and Eli Zor!!!
They know what they are talking about and you will be in a much better position no matter what you decide to do.
You can have her served with D papers. But before that you should expose her A and hit the OM where it hurts. Do not let the POSOM be her fallback. Take that away from her.
Let your kids and family know what is going on for over 3 years.
Your WW needs to feel the heat for her deplorable actions and lack of respect to the marriage/family.
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Re: Faking remorse 
