[highwood]

Today I still feel angry...angry at H for doing this to me and causing me so much stress and uncertainty in my life right now.

Sometimes I wonder what the hell I am doing with this guy..my worst fear is spending another couple of years wasting time only to have it fail in the end.

[Sara8]

Originally Posted by MadeInMichigan

I'm extremely angry.

I ordered mayo and pickles and got ketchup and mustard on my burger.

Just trying to lighten it up for a moment....carry on!!!

Thank for adding some levity to this dire thread.

Now back to the regularly scheduled programming.

I am angry about everything.

Mostly I am angry that the affair changed me into an anxious suspicious angry person.

I am angry that he fooled me for so long. During the affair I was actually telling a friend what a great husband he was.

Yeah we had problems but after 20 years what marriage doesn't. I accepted that and still thought he was a great guy.

I am angry that he told me I am the only person that he ever loved, yet he was willing to throw it all away over extracurricular sex and admiration.

[Sara8]

I am also angry that he talks about the OW, now as if she were a Sl&*t, a ho and an evil person.

At first he defended her. Claimed she was sweet, nice, good. What changed?

Why doesn't he see himself as a **** a ho and an evil person.

He talks about himself as if he were not a cheater, but he is.

Why doesn't he just admit that the OW was a ****, a ho, and an evil person and so is he. If he said that, I might believe he was remorseful, but he acts as if she's **** and a ho but he isn't. WTF.

[highwood]

Originally Posted by Sara8

Thank for adding some levity to this dire thread.

Now back to the regularly scheduled programming.

I am angry about everything.

Mostly I am angry that the affair changed me into an anxious suspicious angry person.

I am angry that he fooled me for so long. During the affair I was actually telling a friend what a great husband he was.

Yeah we had problems but after 20 years what marriage doesn't. I accepted that and still thought he was a great guy.

I am angry that he told me I am the only person that he ever loved, yet he was willing to throw it all away over extracurricular sex and admiration.

I hear you! I hate the fact that after 24 years I have to check his phone, computer, etc. Seems so stupid and ridiculous..it is easy for people to say..well just don't do it just trust him..no, sorry I don't trust him and that pisses me off.

Sometimes I feel depressed that for many years I will probably feel compelled to have to check on him....

I hate the fact that he needed an ego boost but at my expense.

Another thing he said was "I wasn't looking for this to happen, it just did"...like that is supposed to make me feel better.

On DD#2 he said, I was just emailing her I have no plans in bringing her over...okay you *******, what was I supposed to say..that's okay just make sure you don't bring her over but you can continue to email her.

[confused55]

I'm disappointed and angry at myself for staying with someone who would cheat after 30 years of marriage.

I wonder who the heck I have become to continue on with him.

[forlorn99]

The thing that really makes me mad is that sometimes my wife gets pissed when I am interrogating her (her words) She says that she doesn't understand why I need to know every little detail and that she would not want to know that information. She gets mad when I ask the same questions over and over again. I try to explain that I want to know who, when, how, why etc but she says that she has answered all these questions before. The fact that some of the information she gives me changes each time I ask does not register with her. I get new information each time we have these discussions she acknowledges that sometimes things change but not because she is lying but because she gets confused with dates and times etc.. I honestly feel like saying to her that if she didn't want to answer all these questions and feel this way you shouldn't have been ****ing other guys. I dont honestly care if it makes her uncomfortable to answer these questions. I could not care less how bad she feels when I ask the same question again that she has answered. I did not do this to her she did it to herself

[cherokee96red]

Beyond angry knowing that DD is living with STBXH and his TW, witnessing on a daily basis a way of living that is goes against every single thing she was ever taught.

[Racer]

Oh, the old raging days....
Really... You were embarrassed to be around me? The guy who watched our children so you could go out with friends, the guy who put them to sleep every night wondering where their mother was, the one who was supporting you while you were unemployed for months, the one floating two mortgages because you refused to sell the old house?

I made you feel worthless? You had low self-esteem and needed someone, anyone to cheer you up. I was there trying, you wouldn’t let me... I gave up after years and withdrew. Can you blame me? You were a nasty spiteful person to be around; Why would I want to be your best friend? You were so very abusive toward me.

So, you hook up with a loser. Lets see... he brags on PUA forums about how easy you were to nail. He fled the country for stealing and ID theft. He was a Nigerian immigrant pos abusing the system. He hung out with sleezy people, used drugs all the time and just called you for a booty call once you spread your thighs. He lied all the time about his past, and you caught him. He cheated on you, you weren’t special to him. He has two failed marriages, can’t keep a job, and is in and out of jail. This is the guy who made you feel special? Does it sound ‘special’. Was he really your knight? This is the one you fell in love with? Is the self-esteem you seem to have measured by what comes dripping out from your thighs? Face it, you sold yourself for a few kind words and lunches. How very special you are.....

You ignored everything wrong in the world you created and chose to only see your own fantasy. So you villainized me because I needed to be the pos so you wouldn’t feel like the pond scum you really were. I was the bad person? Look in the f’ing mirror. See the ****, the easy lay, the adulterer you’ve become. Remember all those crappy things you told me I was. And I was dumb enough to still be there, to catch you, to be your rock so you could pretend to your family and friends you were living the dream. Meanwhile, I was a freaking wreck, depressed, and suffering from your treatment. I didn’t know why and you did your best to convince me it was me. Screw you... Are you proud of your reflection now?

[vi_bride04]

I'm mad b/c no matter how much I point out his passive agressive behavoir and how much it hurts me he still does it and each time he deliberately hurts me more and more.

[MattMatt]

I get angry with myself. When I react to something thoughtless my wife said, I know I should have chilled and ignored it, but sometimes I snap and then -as I say- I feel like a POS.

[highwood]

Originally Posted by confused55

I'm disappointed and angry at myself for staying with someone who would cheat after 30 years of marriage.

I wonder who the heck I have become to continue on with him.

I so get what you are saying! I think that is part of my anger toward H..is it is also anger and disapointment with myself...

I think why am I staying with this person...what is wrong with me that I am choosing to do that.

I have said previously..I wish I could figure out why I am staying..is it because I want this marriage or is it because a divorce would be a hassle in the interim or is it because I don't want OW to win and him to retreat back to her when he is single.

I feel like my feelings for him were reignited when DD#1 went down but then I think is that just a competitive I don't want her to win and our marriage to end.

[highwood]

I find too that when I vent and get all angry to him I feel justified because he hurt me badly..that I am showing him why this nice sweet lovely woman was so appealing. She was the nice reprieve the "Hi Handsome, I love you so much"...and I am the angry bitter wife. HOw can I compete with that right now????



It is such a vicious cycle...I honestly am so confused over what I want to do.

[cantthinkstraight]

Anger, huh?

F*ck her…

She lied to me about the kind of marriage we would have.

She turned on me once she had received everything in life she's asked me for.

She didn't bother coming to talk to me and instead, started a relationship with the OM
rather that focusing on our issues and working to resolve them.

She didn't bother making him wear a condom, because hey "He said he was fixed".

She has no idea that her explanation of it being "just sex" is as good as a lie to me.

This is the same person that has wagged her finger in my face for years about
"if you ever cheat on me…." yet, I've remained faithful to her for 17 years (total).

I'm angry that I was deceived in this way.

I'm super angry that this is the "type" of family she's made of us. A sad movie…. is my reality.

She brought him into her life, burdened herself with the effects of it, and
used me as her daily lightning rod…. my job was to stand there and take it.

Never in a million years did I think or assume she could ever do this to
me, or children, our family and what we've worked so hard over the 17 years together to build.

All because some guy with tattoos starting hitting on her? Sexting her?
That means she has to oblige? Give me a break.

It hurts to know that she did that to me and us with HIM. He's a pig. A loser.
He's nearly 40, in a band that sucks ass, and writes punk songs titled "poop".
Very mature.

I'm mad that I've been here for my wife this whole time… coping with her inner
anger and resentment issues… only to be blamed for all of it in the end.

I'm pissed that I even have to/am posting on this site.

You people are great, but being here makes me angry.

[YellowRoses]

I'm bloody angry because angry is better than grief when it comes to getting up in the mornings

I'm angry that all my past choices have apparently been crap ones

I'm angry that all of my future choices are also crap ones

I'm angry that my children now come from a broken home through no fault of mine

I'm angry that he's messed with my love, my sanity and my health and seemingly still wants to

And tomorrow, I'll swing to sad which is worse

[YinPrincess]

To my husband, (not a WS); do you know what I'm angry about?

I so hurt and upset that we started our marriage off on the wrong foot. I thought I was doing all the right things, had a years-long platonic friendship to get to know you, wouldn't let you live with me until we were married. I set the bar HIGH because I didn't want to be hurt or abused again. Somehow I failed, (or you were just that good - but don't flatter yourself).

When I found out you were an addict, I was crushed. How could I have never known or seen the signs in the past couple of years??? I feel duped and stupid.

I worked so hard to leave my ex. He beat me nearly every day for two years because HE was an addict, and you KNEW I spent a year being homeless. You KNEW how hard I struggled once I found a job, to keep it and that isn't easy when you have no place to call home! No place to shower, no place to wash clothes, etc.!!! You KNEW because I showered at your place. We did laundry together. Hell, I even slept on your couch when I had no other place to go.

I thought we were as close as two people could be, but now... NOW I feel like you're a stranger all over again.

And even when YOU decided that quitting was best for you, and did it all on your own. I never asked you to choose, and yet every other week I get to hear you throw it in my face, about how you HATE sobriety and you HATE your life. Wow! So sorry we are holding you back from greatness!!!

Despite all of this, despite your complete ability to shatter all the trust I had gained in you over the years in just a few moments, (and feeling so accomplished, because I trusted no one), you know, I still love you! Why? I have no freaking clue! I thought I was on the path to wellness with you - to finally have a life partner who would be there through the thick with me. I thought you were "good for me". Remembering telling me that when I had my doubts?!

Now look at where we are. I don't place 100% of the blame on you, but I resent you terribly for the HUGE lies you told... Addiction was just the beginning, apparently. Let's not forget your EA early on. I had to let that go, though, because you had no idea what boundaries were at first, and neither did I. I made my own mistakes with an EA, and yet you never voiced your opinions on it. You stewed and brooded, leaving me to guess at what was wrong.

There was so much to list; so many HUGE things... The abortion, the physical and emotional abuse, the blame game you played when we found out I was pregnant, AGAIN. (Surely I was trying to sabotage you, I must have been setting you up, I must have gone off of my BC in a deliberate attempt to trap your wonderful, rich @ss! (Sarcasm here...). All the threats you made, just like the first time around. All of the mental torture you put me through - telling me I'd never be a good mother and how it would be better off to "get rid of the baby". The baby you pretend to so fiercely love now, but show obvious signs of being burdened and inconvenienced by her basic care.

Let's not forget all of the stupid, harsh things you said and did WHILE I was pregnant. Calling me names and telling everyone how psycho I was. Oh, and telling me how (after I exposed the pregnancy to his family), we HAD to have her or else you will be written out of grandma and grandpa's will. FVCK the will!!! What kind of person says that???

I've stuck around, purely on faith alone, but I don't know how much longer that will be. I am starting to believe that you are composed of 100% Dark Matter.

Like you said, you're just a paycheck. I'm sick of begging you for your emotional support. Really - how hard is it to just hug and hold someone when they're frightened? You're one cold SOB, you know that?! I'm pretty sure I don't love you anymore... But my heart still says to try. I wish it would just stop beating.

/RANT.

Thanks for the angry thread. I think I got out about 10% of my resentment here...
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