Originally Posted by outoftheblue_1
She also feels like a divorce doesnt feel right. Currently she likes to act like the EA never happened.
This is not about how she feels, its about how you feel. Tell her that at this point you simply don't hold faith in the marriage surviving so you'd rather go through with the divorce.
This removes her security blanket (YOU) out of the equation.Now she has no back up plan to fall back on.
We still sleep together, cuddle and kiss each other just like before all this happened. Reason why it is so hard for me to make a decision.
Well stop indulging her.Ask her to move to another room. Stop cuddling her, stop kissing her and don't have sex with her. Remove your attention from her entirely( this is where you need to be strong).
I tried doing the 180 but i failed. Im miserable and i hate feeling like this but i am too weak. After reading everyones post it makes sense what you guys are telling me, and im getting sooo mad at myself for not being able to make up my mind. Im am so confused!
I know exactly how you feel there. I've been there myself 7 years ago but i didn't know about this forum or any other at that time.(this is my first day here, damn i wish i had discovered this place years ago)
But the thing is and i'm actually quite proud of it( so is the missus
) i did the right things that enabled my wife to end her A ( which went on for about 11 months).
That starts with making concrete decisions. Whenever you're feeling undecided or when you're in a muddle.Step back for a second weigh the pros and cons of each alternative you have and just go for one.
Do not indulge her at all. If she has something to complain just acknowledge it in a slightly condescending manner( you know, just pat her head and say atta boy) and simply remove your attention from the subject.
You shouldn't reward bad behavior on her part with cuddles and kisses.Give her the big stick. And last but not the least, do not compromise at this stage. Don't tell her that you'll change for her or any of that nonsense. Tell her you're simply uninterested in continuing this relationship and that you're merely waiting for an opportune movement to make the next move ( whatever that may be). Or better yet tell her that you're just gonna sit on your arse and drink your beer and she can do whatever it is she wants. Give her the cold shoulder dude.