Posse

I am sorry to hear about your situation. In addition to what everyone else has said, which is on the money, I would offer the following suggestions:

Consult a divorce attorney now. With her in an EA and you leaving, the marriage is going to end as sure as the sun is going to set tonight. You are probably better off filing for divorce before you leave so debts she incurs after you are gone are hers and hers alone.

Separate your finances now.

DO NOT give your wife power of attorney for when you are gone. If I were in your shoes, I would give power of attorney to a homeless guy before I would give it to my wife.

Consider changing your will and SGLI so it goes into a Revocable Trust for the benefit of your daughter if you can do so. Choose someone other than your wife as trustee.

Posse

Bullsh!t on all of these counts.

She is lying about making the marriage stronger.

She doesn't think the divorce is right because she wants your money.

You are only as weak as you allow yourself to think you are.



Here is your OPORDER:

Adjust your personal headspace and timing.

Reorient your azimuth.

Ruck Up.

Move out smartly on a new heading- away from her.

Entropy3000

There are WSs who think having an affair makes their marriage stronger. She wants to rug sweep. Realize that she is in an affair and her integrity has been compromised. She is under the influence of very powerful brain chemicals. Think of this like a cocain addiction. Same brain chemicals unvolved.

You really need to come to grips with the fact that you have 3 people in your marriage. The real problem now is that you your wife is trying to move the OM into the second slot and you are number 3.

__________________
My marriage to my wife Donna is a love story. -- Jim

Take My Breath Away

Kallan Pavithran

Separation for making the marriage strong.....


Divorce dosent feel right because OM is only interested in screwing her, not for a real relationship. You are her back up plan and meal ticket. She is playing you by being nice cuddle, kiss and sex because she knows that she is going to enjoy her life with OM when you leave the house as you will be deployed soon.

If you feel week, no one can help you because its your life and you only can lead it in the right path. Women hate beta and too nice guys, its time for you to man up and be an alpha male.

anonymouskitty

This is not about how she feels, its about how you feel. Tell her that at this point you simply don't hold faith in the marriage surviving so you'd rather go through with the divorce.

This removes her security blanket (YOU) out of the equation.Now she has no back up plan to fall back on.

Well stop indulging her.Ask her to move to another room. Stop cuddling her, stop kissing her and don't have sex with her. Remove your attention from her entirely( this is where you need to be strong).


I know exactly how you feel there. I've been there myself 7 years ago but i didn't know about this forum or any other at that time.(this is my first day here, damn i wish i had discovered this place years ago)

But the thing is and i'm actually quite proud of it( so is the missus ) i did the right things that enabled my wife to end her A ( which went on for about 11 months).

That starts with making concrete decisions. Whenever you're feeling undecided or when you're in a muddle.Step back for a second weigh the pros and cons of each alternative you have and just go for one.

Do not indulge her at all. If she has something to complain just acknowledge it in a slightly condescending manner( you know, just pat her head and say atta boy) and simply remove your attention from the subject.

You shouldn't reward bad behavior on her part with cuddles and kisses.Give her the big stick. And last but not the least, do not compromise at this stage. Don't tell her that you'll change for her or any of that nonsense. Tell her you're simply uninterested in continuing this relationship and that you're merely waiting for an opportune movement to make the next move ( whatever that may be). Or better yet tell her that you're just gonna sit on your arse and drink your beer and she can do whatever it is she wants. Give her the cold shoulder dude.

akashNil

Are you sure it was only EA?

outoftheblue_1

not really sure and theres is no way for me to find out. I wish i can end up with some evidence linking her to having sex with the OM. That would definately make my mind up towards a D.

anonymouskitty

The only way you're going to find evidence is if you pro-actively search for it. You won't just get lucky and end up with. Turn super spy bro

akashNil

After re-reading your original post a 2-3 times, few things appear to be certain:

• It was not only EA. It was EA/PA
• They definitely had sex
• Message deletion = objectionable text deletion = sexual text
• Demand for separation = Free sex any time with OM
• Demand for separation = testing the waters before D

Most funny part is she wants you to finance it. I remember my WW.

anonymouskitty

This is the general pattern i believe. My fWW even went so far as to visit the solicitor with OM, reviewed my financial assets and and even how much my house was worth.

Shamwow

Ummm...Seems to me if she wants to see how she does on her own, then she gets to do that *on her own*. She has a perfectly good home, but wants to assert her "independence" by asking YOU to finance a love shack for her and OM? If you do this you are not thinking clearly.

Sorry man, you need to hang up the nice guy hat, and start making practical decisions based on what's best for you and your future...she wants to remove herself from that? Okay. Now that she's talking separation there's no point in "cuddling" her back into love with you. I'd skip separation and file, it can always be stopped...but if you allow the separation you're greenlighting her plan to cheat, transition to another man, maintain moral standing amongst your family and friends ("it's okay that I'm banging OM, cuz we're separated...we're seeing other people"), rewrite the history of your marriage and trashtalk you to everyone to justify her actions, and eeeease on into a new life with you paying the bill!
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OldWolf57

She needs a place where the old neighbors won't see her sleeping with this guy. And you should be telling her you are getting a D started before you leave. The cuddling is to handle you. Most WW start giving BS plenty to keep them dumb and blind. And you already have the PA evidence, you just don't want to see it.

Acabado

Trust but verify. Display the snooping tools. Other wise MC - job changes - whaever you discuss there will be a waste.

outoftheblue_1

She siad that she doesnt want to live in the house because it is too big. My daughter and i wont be there and that she would just feel lonely and start missing us. And with the seperation, she said that she never had anything in her name. we have been married for 7 years and she just got a job last year. If i would of decided to leave her then she would have had nothing in her name and no money. She wants to be independent.

Do any of these make sense? To me it seems pretty legit but i know i am not thinking clearly. Opinions please.

baldmale

All of the clear thinkers have responded above. WAKE UP and fight for your marriage if that's what you want.

Separation = GUILT FREE NON-STOP SEX WITH OM. Everytime.