anonymouskitty

@BIgLiam: They definitely are, which is why they brag about it as they're seeking validation from others. And most cheaters do it because they're seeking validation, example -> " He made me feel like a woman".While men are vocal about it because somewhere in their insecure hearts they know that the other guys are all appreciating it ( these guys are insecure too) while there're some men in the group who appreciate him alright but go behind his back and snigger about how they got to bone his wife

BigLiam

To me, that type of braggadocio makes me lose respect for a man or woman. But, then again, i am old and my testosterone is waning.

WorkOnIt

Happened before we got married. Nothing has happened since we were married.

Pit-of-my-stomach

little unclear about something, she met him on POF? So she was looking for some strange? You have to set up a profile to communicate with the people on POF. That takes real effort. It's a very clear premeditated decision to cheat. There is no 'I'm so niave' 'heat of the moment mistake', to that.

__________________
Never say Never- The Fog
4 No0bs

Thorburn

Big - it took this site to open up my eyes and in the beginning I was so focused on the OM. My wife was at fault. She pursued the OM is what I discovered and it took months for me to realize it. Too many of us look at our wives as the weak ones while all along they are the tigress' on the prowl. grrrrrrrrrowl.

__________________
This kind of cosmic dumbassery occupies a temporal plane of ineptitude and lack of reason so profound a Zen master could spend a lifetime meditating upon its philosophical consequences.”

WorkOnIt

She wasn't out there just looking for sex though. She was looking like most women do for an emotional connection, and she's never said she was naieve. I said she was naieve to think some magic man would come riding in on a white horse all shimmering, rather than a ****ing ********* on a worn out donkey. She knows what she did.. She's explained how she was feeling. In hindsight she is not proud, and in fact beyond shamed. It was a conscious decision for sure, one that if she ever makes again, someone else will have her life, but I do believe she learned from it. What I mean by naieve is that she doesn't really know men that well. We've been together since she was quite young.

Badblood

Have you ever read any of my threads? If not, then what are you talking about? The very last person on earth I would compare my STBEW to is the Virgin Mary. I can see why you are going to have problems. You really don't respect yourself, do you? You are willing to accept second best from her. OK , so admit it and move on. And saying that my new GF could possibly cheat is more an example of your own mistrust than mine. Maybe you would put up with it, but I won't.....ever.

anonymouskitty

Good for you BadBlood I'm truly happy oh and have you set boundaries with your new gf? I have with my fWW -> she can do what she wants with whoever she wants , i've just stated the consequences . What she does is upto her

BigLiam

I'd suggest reading some of Marc Rudov's stuff or Tara Palmatier' or Paul Elam's regarding some women and their natures.
This whole "pusuit of emotional connection" deal is a cover for women wanting to have sex with other men.
I think it is Machiavelli who points to the hypergamy deal in his posts and i agree.


Look ,there is a reason women are multi orgasmic and do not require recovery time. Look at the recent cougar phenomenon. Think those women are looking for a deep emotional connection?
Are guys threatened by the notion that women have the same, and often, greater sex drive than males?

Badblood

actually, this whole thread is kind of sad, isn't it. Here we are,talking about how we caught our cheating spouses, and when all is said and done, what matters most is what we did or are doing with that knowledge. The choices for BS'S that caught the cheater are very few. Either you accept what the cheater did, and also realize that they would still be cheating if you had not discovered it for yourself, or you show some backbone and end the marriage, because you will not accept the dishonesty and disrespect. Remember, "fool me once, shame on you..fool me twice,shame on me". I decide not to be a fool, you will have to make the choice for yourselves.

BigLiam

Bad day, badblood? Ease up on the personal attacks. This guy seems to respect himself just fine. How is he any different than any of the other BSs that have taken back their cheater?

Badblood

You never answered my question. Have you read any of my threads?

anonymouskitty

Thats a classic lie man, the levels of testosterone in women increases when they're in their thirties and the same goes down for men. Whoever thinks that men are the horniest bought into the age old lie, women can and are more horny

anonymouskitty

@BadBlood No i have not -> going to remedy that.

And if you really look at it this way, the price i'm paying for her faithlessness is not giving her unconditional trust and being vigilant for warning signs, the price she's paying for her part is her shame(and this is the thing that she beats herself up about sometimes) and the fact that she may never regain my trust completely ( another thing that she beats herself up about). But we're happy. I'm sure both Almostrecovered and lordmayhem will attest to this.

And the price you're paying is anger and bitterness towards your STBXW and she's paying too, she may never realize it but she lost a good man and husband by her actions

So in the end we all pay a price

WorkOnIt

Badblood, I actually had my spouse tell me everything, although it was the trickle effect as she wanted to hurt me as little as possible, and she still wanted a chance to save our relationship, and she knew how strongly I feel about unfaithfulness. I have now complete power to choose my own life, my eyes are wide open, and I will always follow my gut instincts from here on out, and not my mind, or my heart as they are easily mislead, and swayed. I choose to stay because I believe this was something they regret, and want to change, and some people have the ability to learn from something and change themselves. Not all but some, but even I've learned from the mistakes I made towards her, and I'm becoming a better person for it, hopefully for her, but ultimately for myself. Not everyone can find forgiveness and understanding, not everyone can accept what happened, yet realize you may have played a part in their getting there... There are different reasons for people stepping out.. The first part of determining whether you can save it, or burn it, is figuring out why. If you played a part in that, but she's still there, you have a shot and making your life better in my eyes. If she did it because she's a nympho well your only option is to run for the hills. If the person in GENERAL was a great person but you were not, but you've learned, and they're still there, what do you have to lose by giving them a second chance, and both of you learning from it?... Probably nothing.. Best case you fix your issues and have a great marriage, or worst case you head where you were obviously headed for, which is basically starting over on both ends going through the motions with new people only to realize that they're human too and everything you went through with the last person will likely just happen again.

At least that's my view.