Hi Everyone... I really need advise. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years. Here is my story... My boyfriend owns his own business. His secretary started to come on to him in 2008. She would say she had to work from home then ask him to come over because she was having problems with payroll and then have a huge meal on the table and ask him if he was hungry. She did this all the time to get him to her house. She would work late just to be in the office with him. She would give him sticky notes at work saying he was awesome and draw pictures etc. If he was going to lunch on his motorcycle she would ask to go... she was married at the time she was doing this. She did get divorced a couple of months later. They finally started an affair and he broke up with me. This lasted a few months and he ultimately knew he had crossed the line and it was wrong. They were keeping it from the other owner of the business. She finally left because she thought he would bring their relationship out in the open if she did but he finally ended it. We got back together and I thought problem was solved. Well eight months ago..this is now 2012 his present secretary quits and he now needs new secretary. Well you can guess what happened he hired her back. She did not know we were back together when she got rehired and started texting him while we were eating about things at work etc. She texted him on a sunday morning at 9 am when we were at breakfast to come to her house because she had a tree fall on her roof and she needed help. He said that we were at breakfast together and would go there together and she immediately started to back pedal....oh you dont need to come now. She now knows we are together but I still have problems with this situation and my boyfriend says that there is nothing going on and to stop worrying. I cant because they had something going on before. She stays late at work every night, sometimes my boyfriend, his partner and this women and the other secretary go to lunch...my boyfriends business is in a house and if he is in the kitchen having lunch she will come and sit with him and eat her lunch... supposedly she has a boyfriend...My question is am I wrong to feel the way I do. I have asked him not to stay late, have lunch with her or be alone with her after hours. He says nothing is going on and I do believe him..... How to I handle this. I am sorry if my story is all over the place but I am out of my mind with this situation. I have even come out and said we need to get engaged so that she will back off if she is out to get him back. I feel pathetic and I have never been this way before....
Your boyfriend hired the woman he cheated on you with??
No, you are not insecure. He's a jerk who has no respect for you or your very valid concerns and feelings. How would he feel if the situation were reversed?
It's one thing for a partner to have an affair, apologize and do the work to earn the trust back again. But part of earning your trust back means NEVER talking to his affair partner again. That's a big no-no.
Thanks for responding.... I guess I am naive I actually thought it could be ok......so what do I do now.....she is there and he is not going to get rid of her.....am I just insecure
Why is he not going to get rid of her? Is he trying to tell you that nobody else can fill her shoes? Type a letter? Answer a phone? Assuming that he intends to be totally professional, and she crosses any lines, he can fire her. Or, if she is an "at will" employee, he can let her go with no explanation.
good grief, I'm sorry but what an insensitive, selfish idiot he is!
who would do that??
not only is it wrong from a relationship perspective, she sounds like a terribly unprofessional secretary too!
I wouldn't be able to live with this I'm afraid, I would have to tell him to get rid of her completely or I'd be out the door (although I would be out the door anyway)
I would advise against getting engaged to this man