i struggled with it for more than a year. you might wanna try imagining your spouse to be a gargantuan ugly gorilla getting it on with the OM/OW. And for about an year later i fantasized about beating the s*it out of my fWW , wouldn't recommend this though.
Standard advice : replace them by happy thoughts-> yeah right someone just boned my W and I'll just sit here thinking about what santa's gonna bring me next christmas
you need to just ride it out in my opinion, time heals and makes you forget .....eventually
I tried various things like the OM having a big ugly nasty wart on his penis, my wife messing herself, etc. None of it worked for me though I did literally found myself laughing and I mean I had some serious belly laughs which I did not have for a long time. I am only about 6 months out and I still get the images and everytime I have sex with the wife and I mean everytime the images are there. I have just learned to live with it. It seriously bothered me at the beginning of R and in the very beginning I would just lose it during sex. I was such a freaken wussy. All I know is that he did not give her anything more then I have to offer and in fact I can offer a hell of lot more then he ever did or could.
At some point I will share with my wife that the one permanant gift she gave me is the fact that when I have sex with her I can only think of the OM f7ucking her and I only do it to get off, because in reality at this stage that is the truth. I have sex quite a bit now when I am home and if she knew my thoughts she would not be very happy with it, because I really do not think of the the two of us havig sex and that is the legacy that she brought into this marriage.
I know this did not answer your question but various techiques are available but for me time took away the obsession about what she did with the OM and I can live with that. I think in time it will go away.
This kind of cosmic dumbassery occupies a temporal plane of ineptitude and lack of reason so profound a Zen master could spend a lifetime meditating upon its philosophical consequences.”
I tried not to think about that. I knew they almost certainly had sex, but I somehow managed to ignore that and repress any images of them doing it. (I really do not know how, nor am I certain it was healthy, but that's what I did.)
At some point I will share with my wife that the one permanant gift she gave me is the fact that when I have sex with her I can only think of the OM f7ucking her and I only do it to get off, because in reality at this stage that is the truth.
This has happened to me a few times! I thought I was a sicko for thinking of my friend/OW and my H like remembering some porn movie scene...
Hopefully this is NOT permanent for you or me. In my case, it's only happened a few times in the heat of the moment. I felt perv-y and gross afterwards.
I hate the images, I have them from time to time. I will be doing something or watching TV and have them, then I will look at MH with this discussed look. She did oral and the images are in my head of her doing that more then sex as that only happened 2x, weird I can get that out of my head quicker then the other.