I had an interesting theory that came to me, and I wanted some unbiased opinions on it. My womanly mind could be way off base BTW, for those of you who know my story, I am not asking this thinking it is the issue. I know the major issue is that I'm a doormat and H is a selfish addict. But I was thinking this may be a small side note.
Women often say they want a "nice" (beta) guy. Yet, in the dating world, beta guys seem to get stuck in the "friend zone", and many male BSs here seem to be beta guys. Women THINK they want a beta guy, but always end up going after the alpha ones.
I have always had a lot of male friends, and I hear things like this often: "I wish we had more in common", "I wish she showed interest in the game", "It drives me crazy how long it takes her to get ready", "I wish she would initiate sex"
That woman is me. I've always been a bit of a tomboy. I have "male" interests (sports, fishing, camping, etc), the game and Sportscenter is manditory viewing, I look nice in 30 minutes flat and I initiate sex probably 50% of the time. In the dating world, I was usually in the "friend zone", but my H saw those things as a plus. Our compatibility is off the charts.
This brings me to my theory - can men THINK they want these qualities in a woman, but actually grow to resent them, kind of like women with the beta vs alpha man?
I don't think so. Usually when men find a woman with qualities they desire, "she's a keeper". I think it's only women who get turned off when they're treated too nicely (someone needs to explain that one to me!) I certainly haven't heard of any man complaining that his wife is "too nice" to him. Maybe if the wife has a high drive and the husband doesn't, then I can see where resentment may arise, but as a general rule, we usually don't grow to resent comforting qualities in a woman.
I had an interesting theory that came to me, and I wanted some unbiased opinions on it. My womanly mind could be way off base BTW, for those of you who know my story, I am not asking this thinking it is the issue. I know the major issue is that I'm a doormat and H is a selfish addict. But I was thinking this may be a small side note.
Women often say they want a "nice" (beta) guy. Yet, in the dating world, beta guys seem to get stuck in the "friend zone", and many male BSs here seem to be beta guys. Women THINK they want a beta guy, but always end up going after the alpha ones.
I have always had a lot of male friends, and I hear things like this often: "I wish we had more in common", "I wish she showed interest in the game", "It drives me crazy how long it takes her to get ready", "I wish she would initiate sex"
That woman is me. I've always been a bit of a tomboy. I have "male" interests (sports, fishing, camping, etc), the game and Sportscenter is manditory viewing, I look nice in 30 minutes flat and I initiate sex probably 50% of the time. In the dating world, I was usually in the "friend zone", but my H saw those things as a plus. Our compatibility is off the charts.
This brings me to my theory - can men THINK they want these qualities in a woman, but actually grow to resent them, kind of like women with the beta vs alpha man?
Thanks for the thoughts!!
Another theory is at 25 years old we want one thing and at 50 we want something totally different. We out grow one another, and there for stray or lose interest. Posted via Mobile Device
Complexity-
Wish I could tell you why a woman could think her man was too nice, it isn't a turn off for me. I would say I am the HD partner, does that change things? I never come right out and say I want sex, but will do certain things I know turn him on to initiate it. In a perfect world, I would get more, but I get enough to keep me happy and have never raised the issue.
CL-
I guess that is what confuses me... When we are younger, surface things are important, as we get older we look for someone we can grow old with. My H went the other way
Sirdano-
lol, no I'm not Ted Bundy. I have been known to let a good string of obsenities fly when my team screws the pooch or the refs suck, but no burping, farting or hands down my pants
I guess my thinking was I may be invading his "man" turf too much, or he was seeing me as one of the guys instead of his wife...but just seems to be a lot of over thinking again which I am really good at
I think women want a Nice Guy with an edge. A guy who can Alpha up when he needs to. I call that a Good Guy. He has a compassionate and loving nature because he chooses that. But he refuses to be disrespected. Bad Boys will not mess with him or his woman. If they do he dominates the situation. It takes a blend of traits to be that guy. No fear.
I would add that it really does not matter what women want. It is what the guy wants first of all. It is what the type of women you want ... wants. If the woman just wants a Bad Boy, she is bad news. If she wants a doormat even worse. You want to the man you want to be and then attract women who are compatible.
__________________
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"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
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Last edited by Entropy3000; 06-09-2012 at 11:07 AM.
My second real girl friend threw me over fairly quickly and in an insensitive way. She completely ignored me at her birthday party, whilst deliberately flirting with other men at the party.
A mutual friend who was also at the party could see how badly I was feeling, and as our mutual friend had got us together, she was upset by this turn of events and managed to get her alone in the kitchen.
"Are you and Matt still an item?"
"No, I thought it best to finish it."
"Well, WTF didn't you tell him that?"
"I didn't want to upset him. I'll tell him later."
"Him seeing you flirting with every man at your birthday party and you not even bothering to speak to him has already given him a pretty big clue!"
"Is he upset?"
"OF COURSE he is upset! And I am SO angry with you! If I'd have realised you would be so heartless, I'd never have set you two up on a date! Why have you finished with him?"
"He was too nice to me. He treated me too well!"
At this point our mutual friend told her she was an idiot as she left the kitchen.
She then grabbed her boyfriend, found me and said: "I have just had words with her. She's stupid. I'll explain what happened, later."
She liberated two unopened bottles of wine and took me to their flat were she and her boy friend talked to me and helped me to get myself together.
Complexity-
Wish I could tell you why a woman could think her man was too nice, it isn't a turn off for me. I would say I am the HD partner, does that change things? I never come right out and say I want sex, but will do certain things I know turn him on to initiate it. In a perfect world, I would get more, but I get enough to keep me happy and have never raised the issue.
CL-
I guess that is what confuses me... When we are younger, surface things are important, as we get older we look for someone we can grow old with. My H went the other way
Sirdano-
lol, no I'm not Ted Bundy. I have been known to let a good string of obsenities fly when my team screws the pooch or the refs suck, but no burping, farting or hands down my pants
I guess my thinking was I may be invading his "man" turf too much, or he was seeing me as one of the guys instead of his wife...but just seems to be a lot of over thinking again which I am really good at
Yes, you ended up being in the friend zone, and she's not attracted to a friend.
Also, she was a member of a Rock and Roll club and I was not especially into that.
The weird thing was, I was not being especially nice, just being as polite as I was taught, opening doors for women, etc.
However, the kicker was that several years later I got together with the woman who is now my wife and she pointed to a cute little cottage and said: "That's were my best friend grew up!"
She heard me start to choke and she said: "Do you know her?" I composed myself and admitted that I had dated her several years previously. "God!" she said: "I'll bet that was an interesting experience!"
When we met her at an event after we had been dating for a couple of months, even though we'd had NC since we split up my former girl friend suddenly became very jealous and started making up to me. This weirded me out and my now wife said: "Cut it out. You dated him years ago, he's mine now, back off!"
She did, thankfully.
Subsequently she hunted for a man to father her child (he had to have perfect genes!) travelled a couple of hundred miles to visit the bull she had chosen and then gave birth to a child with multiple personality disorders, sadly.
I did not dodge a bullet, I dodged a bloody Howitzer shell, there, I think.
Women quickly lose interest in a guy wh is not a challenge. "Hard to get" works. Always saying "yes dear" will cause you to end up in the "lets just be friends" zone or your wife lose interest sexually and emotionally, leaving you, and or having an affair. Show me a wife that cheats and 7 out of 10 times, I'll show you woman married to a good guy with a beta personality
I don't get the whole alpha beta crap....I do no want an alpha dated a couple and hated it, was miserable and left. I married a beta and wouldn't have it any other way....based on halls nice guy profile, yes he is nice but he puts his foot down on certain issues and he has his boundaries and he is sexy and I would never cheat so I guess there are some differences...maybe the problem int with the men...alpha or beta...but the women....are there types for those? Posted via Mobile Device
Women quickly lose interest in a guy wh is not a challenge. "Hard to get" works. Always saying "yes dear" will cause you to end up in the "lets just be friends" zone or your wife lose interest sexually and emotionally, leaving you, and or having an affair. Show me a wife that cheats and 7 out of 10 times, I'll show you woman married to a good guy with a beta personality
Yeah, but if you are alpah, you get the "controlling" "insensitive" "emotionally unavailable " label. Best to be a sigma , omega or gamma,possibly even a delta, like Blutarsky.
Women quickly lose interest in a guy wh is not a challenge. "Hard to get" works. Always saying "yes dear" will cause you to end up in the "lets just be friends" zone or your wife lose interest sexually and emotionally, leaving you, and or having an affair. Show me a wife that cheats and 7 out of 10 times, I'll show you woman married to a good guy with a beta personality
So essentially with women, we have to find a balance between purposely treating them like crap so they'd respect us and being nice enough so they won't hate us?
I swear women are the most complicated thing ever!
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Question for the men 
BTW, for those of you who know my story, I am not asking this thinking it is the issue. I know the major issue is that I'm a doormat and H is a selfish addict. But I was thinking this may be a small side note.
