Before jumping to conclusions why don't you install a key logger/VAR. Might be harmless conversation seeing as she's always had male friends.
I just fear that she might resent you for taking away her friends if the conversations are indeed innocent.
The relaionship is not innocent. She is not cheating now. She is in an inappropriate relationship with another man. He has evidence of this already.
He can wait a few weeks and maybe she will be deeper into the EA, but that may be way too late. The longer this goes on the greater the chance of resentment. She is already past the point of just friends. She may not realize that because she is under the influence of oxytocin adn dopamine.
How about his resentment of her bonding with OM. His resentment will grow. If she continues falling in love with this other man she will really resent the intervention.
Maybe juts my opinion but I don't think you play around with this sutff. You do not wait for the bond to get deep. You do not wait for the ILYBIANILWY speech.
But I agree he should do this keylogger so that he can validate NC.
In remembering what my wife was telling me their conversations tended to lean towards how his marriage was unfulfilling. My wife said that they both were being very cautious so they didn't cross any boundaries.
Do you know what the #1 topic is when an emotional affair starts? The problems inside the marriage. She's telling you what he's telling her, but she's leaving out her part in this conversation.
This is precisely how most people become infatuated with someone outside of their marriage. It's exactly what my H did at the start of his affair.
I have some news for her: she ALREADY crossed marital boundaries with this type of intimate conversation.
She will minimize this every chance she gets because she is thoroughly enjoying her role as rescuer. He knows just what to say to rope 'em in. Posted via Mobile Device
Oh, and stand by for her use of the "c" word when you confront her next--i.e., controlling. Do not fall for that one; be ready to stand your ground. Posted via Mobile Device
In remembering what my wife was telling me their conversations tended to lean towards how his marriage was unfulfilling. My wife said that they both were being very cautious so they didn't cross any boundaries. I think that they he is looking for a connection and my wife is trying to fix thier relationship. Only problem is they are talking a good 40 minutes avg per day. I think that this is a road to hell quickly being paved with good intentions. This guy needs to be R with this BS rather than trying to find a best friend in my wife. This guys friend is making comments about how they are talking alot. It could just be innocent conversation. But how can you talk for fourty minutes a day about just random stuff. I think my wife's reaction will be extreme and all that but they only communicate over the phone. I will know for certain how deep this goes if they try and go underground.
If they talked about the weather or baseball it would be inappropriate for the amount of time they give to each other. They are meeting some needs for one another. They are bonding.
However, they are talking about their marriages. This IS BAD.
Look. Seriously if you have not told her to break contact and go NC you need to today.
Sorry if I missed it but who is this guy? Is he a co-worker? How did she meet him? All this matters.
The relaionship is not innocent. She is not cheating now. She is in an inappropriate relationship with another man. He has evidence of this already.
He can wait a few weeks and maybe she will be deeper into the EA, but that may be way too late. The longer this goes on the greater the chance of resentment. She is already past the point of just friends. She may not realize that because she is under the influence of oxytocin adn dopamine.
How about his resentment of her bonding with OM. His resentment will grow. If she continues falling in love with this other man she will really resent the intervention.
Maybe juts my opinion but I don't think you play around with this sutff. You do not wait for the bond to get deep. You do not wait for the ILYBIANILWY speech.
But I agree he should do this keylogger so that he can validate NC.
Yeah I agree with you, I didn't know they were discussing marital problems with each other. It's inappropriate and potentially dangerous.
Her previous husband was a emotionally and physically abusive person. My wife was almost killed before finally wising up. My wife did have affairs in her previous marriage due to the emotional abuse and her looking for some validation. Which is what he almost killed her for.
OMG!!!!
This is what I was getting at. So you are a better guy she thinks. She is hoping she can have affairs and you will not abuse her.
This is a HUGE SMOKING GUN. You are justifying her affairs. She seems to be a serial cheater.
In remembering what my wife was telling me their conversations tended to lean towards how his marriage was unfulfilling. My wife said that they both were being very cautious so they didn't cross any boundaries. I think that they he is looking for a connection and my wife is trying to fix thier relationship. Only problem is they are talking a good 40 minutes avg per day.
If you read "His Needs, Her Needs" you will see that men and women do not have the same needs. In listing the top 4 needs for men, sex is number one. For women sex does not even appear in the top 4 list. What does appear in the top 4 for women is conversation which is listed as the number 2 need of women. By talking to your wife every day, even if it is innocent, the other man (OM) is meeting a top need of your wife that is more important to her than sex. Once she gets hooked on him meeting this need, she will be asked by the OM to meet his number 1 need in exchange.
If you read "His Needs, Her Needs" you will see that men and women do not have the same needs. In listing the top 4 needs for men, sex is number one. For women sex does not even appear in the top 4 list. What does appear in the top 4 for women is conversation which is listed as the number 2 need of women. By talking to your wife every day, even if it is innocent, the other man (OM) is meeting a top need of your wife that is more important to her than sex. Once she gets hooked on him meeting this need, she will be asked by the OM to meet his number 1 need in exchange.
Exactly. Women often have to connect with a man before they have sex. Men often have to sex with a woman to fully connect.
My wife did have affairs in her previous marriage due to the emotional abuse and her looking for some validation.
There is never a reason to cheat. Divorces are now easy to get. If she was unhappy she should have just divorced him. By you buying into her excuse, you are validating to her that cheating is an option to her when she is unhappy.
BTW, almost every cheating wife claims emotional abuse as a reason for cheating. Since every cheater also lies about their affair to cover it up, why would you believe that a cheater is telling the truth when they tell you their excuse for cheating?
The other man (OM) is a proven cheater. Your wife is a proven cheater. And now the OM is becoming your wife's new best friend, and you are being asked to trust her on this?
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Re: concerned husband 
