Cheaters never stop lying

Lone Star · 06-12-2012, 08:04 AM

It's been a while since I have been here. I'm quite busy working two jobs. The latest big lie from my STBXH was to our son. Our son graduated from high school last weekend. His father was planning to be here on Friday afternoon the day before graduation. On Wednesday before graduation his father tells him that he has to work on Friday and will not be in town until very late, therefore he would have to see him for a few hours before graduation on Saturday. With the lovely internet the lie was revealed. What really happened is the STBXH's girlfriends sister was shot and killed on Monday and her funeral was on Friday morning. My son's father lied to him so that he would not know that someone else was first in his life. The STBXH was given a choice, either you tell your son the truth or someone else will. So he calls our son and gives him some excuse about the funeral arrangements were not comfirmed until Wednesday morning (which is when he told our son he had to work). I went through high levels of anger over this. The very idea that you would tell such a ball face lie to your own son!! So the STBXH arrives in town about 7pm on Friday. He must have left the funeral as soon as it was over. He gets to town and our son is stressed out, shutting down. Our son then cancels his visit with his father for Friday evening but spends a few hours with him on Saturday morning. My son was in a terrible mood for several days after this incident. My son has openly admitted that he doesn't want to know the truth, but this time I don't think there was any way for him to deny it. My son is better now that his father and come and gone. It is absolutely amazing how much cheaters lie and place their families in last place. My STBXH told my other son just how sweet his girlfriend and her family is. That son was very upset and hurt. He said that statement was the final knife in his heart. So needless to say, this has all been very upsetting but I am trying to get back on track and keep moving forward. I just don't understand the lie about working. He could have told our son he had to go to a funeral and our son would have never asked who it was. He could have atleast lied and said it was a co-worker or something. I am so very tired of lies and I have no idea how I will ever trust another man again.

morituri · 06-12-2012, 08:13 AM

Hopefully your sons will pull a "Cats in the Cradle" on their father in the future and that's when he'll see what it is like to be put on the bottom of the list of those closest to him.

Pluto2 · 06-12-2012, 08:14 AM

Sending hugs to a great mom!

Lone Star · 06-12-2012, 08:24 AM

While my son was with him on Saturday he told him that his lawyer told him that I was getting nothing out of this divorce. He continues to spin the tale of me and my oldest son have made up this entire situation. We made up all the bank statements, the refusal to share cell phone records, him removing me from bank accounts, him owing the IRS two years of back taxes, etc. We, his family have pushed him out. He is the victim here. LOL Gee, I guess because we didn't agree with his cheating and lying that turning away from him hurt him? LOL My oldest son told him is delusional and that he has no idea what he has put our family through. My STBXH's response: I'm trying to understand. Really?

Hope1964 · 06-12-2012, 10:17 AM

Sad, isn't it? My kids took a lot of lies from their dad over the years, till they finally toughened up and now they just expect nothing from him. They know now he is and always has been completely full of sh!t.

BigLiam · 06-12-2012, 10:22 AM

Cheaters do seem to have a more highly developed aptitude for lying.I think that if one able to go back and really examine their lives, one would see that many have a history of dishonesty in many other areas besides the fidelity area.

Thorburn · 06-12-2012, 11:26 AM

As a mom you don't want your children hurt. Your STBXH has a new relationship and there was a death. As unfair as it is he did not want to jeapordize that relationship. He lied. Not really anything new for him.

Keep moving on with your life.

As far as trusting another man or on the male's side, who is going through this, another woman. Can you be trusted? Of course you can be trusted Lone Star, you are a trustworthy person. There are others that can be trusted. You are just looking at things now and how you are feeling.

Hugs.

52flower · 06-12-2012, 12:09 PM

Have you ever wondered how (incredibly) someone can believe something so absurd, they think it is real? My exH wanted my sympathy, told me he just found out he had cancer & 6 months to live, and did so with tears streaming down his face. It was all a lie but I truly think at the time he wanted me to believe his story so much that he believed his story. I know these people are described as having personality disorders but to people not accustomed to this behavior, it is so amazing how people can have this ability. From afar, it is just that....amazing. To those who are the recipients, it is hurtful, tormenting, and heartbreaking. I am sorry for your children. I know as my two endured the same. However, now they are wiser and aware that these people are around and not healthy. Be the good mom you are. Your kids will grow up knowing how much you went through and how you never stopped caring for and loving them despite his horrible ways.

Lone Star · 06-12-2012, 02:48 PM

Thanks all! My children are 18, 22 and 26. The youngest one doesn't want to deal with the truth, it's too painful. I understand that but at the same time I hope he doesn't hit a wall. He has been on Prozac for several months now because of stress. I know that he will have to deal with the truth at some point in time, it will be something he has to do. In the meantime I worry so much about how my son will come out of the other side on all this mess. The other two sons have washed their hands of step-father who they actually though of as a real father for 20 years. They want nothing at all to do with him.

arbitrator · 07-01-2012, 12:37 PM

I know what you must be going through. I'll be posting up some additional information on my post later today, as I got some scoop about my STBXW that literally bowled me over! Deception must totally be the order of the day! Thank God, my folks raised me far differently than that!

God bless you, my dear! Like me, you seem to have your hands full!