I have been married for almost 9 years now. I have not been faithful to my wife the whole time we were married. Im a military man, so im always been far from my family. We had a son on our first year of married. During that 8 plus years i have cheated on my wife so many times i cant even count, i've had 3 serious relationship with 3 different women that lasted for years. My wife never suspected a thing. But i was the fool, I have enjoyed my life so much away from my family that i didnt notice a thing that my wife was having an affair too, for 8 months, 4 years into our marriage. And the worst thing of all was she got pregnant, she thought it was mine. I did not suspect a thing. Now 4 years later, to get citizenship we had to do a DNA testing for my twin daughters, lo and behold...not mine. I was so devastated. I wanted to end the marriage right there and then but i loved those kids so much, they are my life. I just cant destroy their life. My wife was devastated also, remorseful. She said she did it because she could'nt feel my love anymore, and this guy was giving her all the attention that she needed. This other guy also thought that the kid was mine, they were doing it while she was pregnant thinking the kid was mine. My wife honestly thought that she was impregnated by me. Now after all this discoveries, we decided to talk to the chaplain and be honest with each other, start our life over.Now...i told her all about my affairs...all the women...and the 3 serious relationship ( different times) that made me almost left my family before even i found out that the kids are not mine. We promised to be honest and faithful with each other. But each so hard to start over, every now and then i see pictures of my wife and the other man, and it makes me feel so weak. I love the kids..so much, its the wife that i feel hatred sometimes. But now things starting to get better, im starting to get over it, i've forgiven my wife and accepted what happened in the past.Its my wife thats having issues now...she just breaks down sometimes when she see's the other girls relatives in our area, when she thinks about the other women from time to time, when she thinks about the places i've spent time with those women. She said shes having a hard time trying to be strong for our future but she's trying. I just want to know if theres anyone out there on the same situation, i need some advises.
The both of you would benefit from seeing individual counselors. After each of you gets some therapy time under your belts, pick a couples counselor that specializes in infidelity.
You say its hard to start over, I'm struggling to figure out what you had in the first place. You describe having multi-year serious relationships with at least 3 women other than your wife in the past 9 years, and "countless" other affairs. Do you even know who your wife is as a person? I have a hard time believing you had a chance to get to know who she is/was while you were out screwing around.
You can continue loving the kids without being married to this woman. Why do you want to stay with her? Why does she want to stay with you? Were you ever faithful to her? She managed four years, had an affair, and after giving birth, I'm assuming managed another four years of being faithful to you. Can you honestly not understand why she would be having a hard time with accepting you? Can you even manage a monogamous relationship? You both have serious work to do, and you will both need help in getting it done. Best of luck to you, and I really hope you at the very least stay faithful to her for the next few months while you two figure out if there is anything worth salvaging between you two.
i feel sorry for her. she must have been so lonely to finally cheat on you, while you were out living your life while shes taking care of your kids. you would probly keep cheating if you didnt get the shock of her cheating. MC is somthing you really need. i feel worse for the childern. they are going to have a hard time when they grow up and relize what happened. if you both still have love for each other and want to make it work, then its worth trying. but if you are not going to be able to get over and move on, then its probly not worth it. hope you family survives! thanks for you service.
I agree with *needaunderstand* and Paladin. I feel for your wife, being a military wife is very very difficult and lonely. Women are vulnerable especially when the one person they love are far (not only physically but emotionally too). However, I also understand you. If you want to save your marriage, you have to go to counselling and be honest enough to really make your marriage work minus the cheating.
You can stay miserable for the rest of your life trying to fix a marriage that never existed in the first place. She knew that the kids weren't yours. And most likely, this wasn't the only affair she had. What do you have to start over?
i feel sorry for her. she must have been so lonely to finally cheat on you, while you were out living your life while shes taking care of your kids. you would probly keep cheating if you didnt get the shock of her cheating. MC is somthing you really need. i feel worse for the childern. they are going to have a hard time when they grow up and relize what happened. if you both still have love for each other and want to make it work, then its worth trying. but if you are not going to be able to get over and move on, then its probly not worth it. hope you family survives! thanks for you service.
I am sorry but I do not feel sorry for either one since cheating is a choice. I do not condone cheating from either one because just as she was lonely without him, he was lonely without her. Does that excuse his cheating? Numbers don't matter, whether he cheated once or a dozen times besides it could have been her that cheated a dozen times, heck he REALLY doesn't know if that was her only affair.
Would she have told him about her cheating had the dna test come back as being his kids? NO WAY!! Nor would he have told her about his cheating had that happened either BUT he did at least have some sort of decency in telling her about his affairs when her's came to light. Not saying it was right but he could have berated her while keeping his secret and she would probably have never known.
One thing is for certain, if this marriage is going to survive they will need a GOOD MC
Marriages where there are children from POSOM is difficult to R a the children are constant trigger for BS for ever.
Are you sure that there was only one OM and A lasted for only 8 months?
Was she not aware that the child belong to OM? That means she was giving you sloppy seconds. How can she be lonely when you were around her to give you some sloppy seconds?
I think the karma truck is hitting both of your arses. The only ones I feel sorry for is the kids. All of this could have been avoided. Both of you made your choice to have affairs and now you will both pay the price... together.. You can never justify having an affair. Ever.
Thank you for all the replies.well, its been almost two months now since the incident. We're trying so hard to save this marriage. We are more open to each other now, every aspect of our marriage is 10 times better now. I have been faithful now for a while and have committed myself to this marriage again, she is doing the same thing. My love for the twins never changed, i still love them with all of my life. We have agreed to keep this secret to our self until we die. We did a little counseling with our chaplain, that helps a lot. My wifes been faithful since she gived birth, Hopefully she's telling me the truth. For my part, i have assured her that im committed to make this marriage work, and be faithful to her forever. However, the wound is still fresh, so i cant help myself to think about her affair from time to time, when that happens, i'll just say a prayer in my head, it helps me to be strong. We are helping each other get through this. i wish when i wake up tomorrow its 2023 already, so it'll be just another bad memory from the past.
Tell her you see the other man every day, in double. tell her, you even have to spend your hard earned money on them. So she should try walking in your shoes, because you can't even hide in your own house from her cheating. Every meal is a reminder. She has no room to be having a hard time. She should be trying to work on you and her, not her selfserving feelings of being a BS, with her deceit staring at you with 4 eyes. How do you know he was the only one?? Oh right, she told you. Well if they was only having sex when she was knocked up,how did she get that way. BC they was scr**ing while you was home. Giving you slo**y seconds. Now she is having a hard time seeing the other girls relatives, or the places. Normally I would tear you a new one, but karma beat me to it.
Hate much? She is being castigated while he gets a pass for creating the situation? He got what he gave. What's wrong with that? More couples will experience this with the rate of male and female cheating reaching parity
He cheated and abandoned his wife and the children he loves so much. While she was home minding his home he was giving his time and attention to countless other women.
Is she worse than he is? He seems to think so along with many posters. I am certain he would still be cheating if he had not realized that his wife was giving him as much as she was getting.
He did not stop cheating because he was racked with guilt but because he got a taste of the bitter fruit of his deception. He may hate her but he should hate himself for devastating his family.
The fact that there were children is the price they both pay. They are both responsible for raising the children. He for abandoning his wife and she for not divorcing a very inadequate man.
This is the harbinger of the future, men lead woman follow. If you don't like it don't promote it. If men are hard wired to seek variety then what are the women? Soft wired to get bored with one partner year after year?
I'm rooting for your marriage. Husbands and wives do stupid things. You don't live in the past and you would not want to live there. Wake up every morning and take five seconds to thank God for your wife and the kids. Ask your wife to wake up and spend five seconds doing the same. Be there for each other. Posted via Mobile Device
You have both done so many selfish things. I can only hope that you will both take time and think about your actions, and know that one day those little girls will find out about them.
Trust me...they will hear about it and it will come back & haunt you. That will be punishment enough.....
The way I see it, is that your only connection to eachother now is the girls. So do whatever it takes to raise them happy and loved. But don't put them through anymore of your careless acts.
If you both do not learn to forgive and forget... you need to do what is best for the girls and not your pride.
I do hope good things for all of you and that forgiveness will set you free.
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starting over is so hard 
