You can't just walk blind into a board like TAM and expect totally helpful comments. I'm a straight talker. I look at what is presented and I make conclusions. Sometimes my observations are rough and brutal, but they are also well thought out.
If my conclusions don't fit your image of yourself or your husband, then that is your burden, not mine.
And I know you are patting yourself on the back for your honesty, but every time you talk glowingly about what your AP means to you, you kill your husband a little more.
She's not ready to see herself or her AP as the problem. Dont know if she ever will.
Very good point! While my AP did not encourage me to end my marriage, he did ask me to wait until I had made my decisions (this was in the very beginning of our A) before I asked for anything from him. He begged me not to pursue him, he did not want to be any part of this, but I was the persistent one and when hearts and feelings get involved sometimes they override logic.
What you do not realize is that is a very typical game OM do to the cheating wives they hook up with. It's a final test and draw of the WW. They say, if you want it, YOU must come to me.
They do this because if they pushed for the WW to jump into bed, the WW might realize that the goal of the OM is to get in her pants. So instead he dies a fake pull back, claims to be honorable, and reels you in.
It's just like the other crap OM pull about wantiing to be your friend and listen to your marriage problems, and to try and help you with your husband.
If you ask them if they want in your pants, they redirect it or even say no.
But it is all a lie.
Your problem is you have convinced yourself that OM is such a great guy and has do much honest care for you, that he couldn't be like that. Wake up, he is exactly like that. Read the other stories about cheating wives and their OM and you see this emerge as a very common story.
Your busy putting OM on a pedestal , while in reality he is a typical POS who saw an emotionally troubled woman, with kids and a family, and he jumped into an affair with her that may very well end her family.
Ask your self is your actual life better now than before you cheated? Are your mornings brighter, do you feel more confident about the future? Are the people you love better off and happy?
Your precious OM is central to their pain. He is central to your being here. If he never entered your life you would be happier. Your husband was obviously depressed and tired from the trials of life, BUT also suffering because for years you had left him emotionally while you dealt with it all too.
The you found a way out of your depression, but you didn't give him time to get out of his. He didn't leave you when you had left him. But you took the unilateral action to leave him to his depression while you hooked up with a guy who is so low in value and morals that he doesn't have a real marriage or real relationship of his own, and he is willing to have as his relationship a woman who goes back to her husbands bed every night.
Think about that. Your POSOM wasn't wanted by anyone else. He was alone, and he is so pathetic that he accepted for 16 months being the OM for a married woman. He didn't have a real partner who could be there with him or fully commit to him. For 16 months he put up with this. Accepting that while he could have sex with you, and could eat occasionally, he didn't actually have a real partner.
How pathetic and how much of a looser in life must a grown man be to accept those terms?
The OM isn't a catch. He is a moralless pathetic half man who doesn't have the self esteem or integrity to only accept being with a woman who honestly commits to him. He was willing to accept the cast off time your husband and family didn't use.
Look st him and see the truth. Posted via Mobile Device
What you do not realize is that is a very typical game OM do to the cheating wives they hook up with. It's a final test and draw of the WW. They say, if you want it, YOU must come to me.
They do this because if they pushed for the WW to jump into bed, the WW might realize that the goal of the OM is to get in her pants. So instead he dies a fake pull back, claims to be honorable, and reels you in.
It's just like the other crap OM pull about wantiing to be your friend and listen to your marriage problems, and to try and help you with your husband.
If you ask them if they want in your pants, they redirect it or even say no.
But it is all a lie.
Didnt worked for me when I was younger. I suppose it's because when I wasnt interested, I really wasnt interested.
But, I guess I need to perfect this technique. Practice, practice. I need to practice. Could be useful one day for me.
The affair fantasy rarely if ever involves the kids. And this OM doesn't want the baggage of 5 kids, including a mentally disabled one.
Isn't that right Empty Inside? You got him snowed for now, with the hugging and kissing because he's still in the shock and denial stage. That will change when he reaches the anger stage.
but every time you talk glowingly about what your AP means to you, you kill your husband a little more.
Bear in mind that her husband is the one who wanted the whole story in detail. Virtually everyone here told her to tell him everything in explicit detail to, I believe was implied, help alleviate the mind movies. ( how that works would have to be explained to me) Both her husband and many on this site opened that door. Now she's being beat over the head with it. Tell me, should should she withhold this information to avoid the pain it causes her husband or unload it in graphic detail like he wants and like and many of you recommend? And it goes back to the central question she asked in the first place; how much detail. It sound too much like we're making up the rules as we go along.
Virtually everyone here told her to tell him everything in explicit detail to, I believe was implied, help alleviate the mind movies. ( how that works would have to be explained to me)
The more you know the details, the less is left to imagination. Your mind can finally settle on one scenario and process it.
I asked, on her thread how many folks believe they should stay married (and miserable in my opinion) so I'll ask it here. Is it in the best interest of these two to stay married?
How may I ask is that of any help? Two people came here for help and advise to SAVE the marriage. I do not recall seeing either spouse asking us to vote on whether their marriage was worth saving.
Bear in mind that her husband is the one who wanted the whole story in detail. Virtually everyone here told her to tell him everything in explicit detail to, I believe was implied, help alleviate the mind movies. ( how that works would have to be explained to me) Both her husband and many on this site opened that door. Now she's being beat over the head with it. Tell me, should should she withhold this information to avoid the pain it causes her husband or unload it in graphic detail like he wants and like and many of you recommend? And it goes back to the central question she asked in the first place; how much detail. It sound too much like we're making up the rules as we go along.
Seems to me there is a difference between giving details in response to his questions and extolling in excrutiating detail the AP virtues in contrast to the failings of the BS. I think one can do the former without the latter.
Snap, I can see where you're coming from. But like many movies, there are alternate endings. I seems like a persons mind would tend to drill down on the details and try to examine multiple possibilities and scenarios.
It' so sad your wife has worked up her rationlization machine so deep into this fantasy, blatantly scapist double life. Believing herself such a succubus who seduced the noble AP, blind to the usual tricks of every man who wants to bed the depressed, troubled, low selfsteem married woman, so willing to buy the lies in orden to not blow the fantasy bubble, so willing to believe OM's words againts his actions, against the mere facts... so cliche.
It's so obvious that something who cares for your will never let you betray your values, become a lier, backstabber, to put a risk every possible real support... such a friend.
She claims they shared life strugles, the more frequent bonding affair behavior, written in bassicaly every book... almost every thread on every forum. What she can't understand is sharing the life struggles, bashing their marriages and demonizing their betrayed ones is, beyond the fact that is follwing the usual wayward script, is not the same that actually living together the real struggles. No way OM could stand the mundane things, the bills, the special needs of someone else children... Deep down she knows but sticking to the star crossed lovers fantasy is so appaling...
Empty Inside has posted 13 times and her husband just 5 times. This is weird. They're like those people in facebook that write "I'm so sad", so everybody post comments on their wall while they watch and smile.
I knew there was a 3mo affair last year in Feb through April and we dealt with that last year. I thought there was NC since. Boy was I wrong.
I found out a few weeks ago they were talking again (via phone records again)and she said that they started talking again a few months ago and that was it. Then she admitted to dinner and lunch a few times...again we dealt with it, she established NC and has been NC since. I have FB passwords, phone records, she has opened everything up to me.
She posted on here about her situation and got blasted, and got angry but overall it helped her.
Now, as of yesterday, she has confessed that the affair really picked back up in July last year and lasted until a few weeks ago. This was a emotional and very sexual affair, they were pretty much dating, going out to dinner,lunch etc. he has her picture on his mantel!
Even after the affair was outed last year, she continued the affair. She just laid low for a couple of months. That speaks volumes.
And that's what's she's doing again. She's unremorseful and unrepentant. She won't stop. Once a cheater, always a cheater is true with her.
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Re: Wife's affair, how to move forward? 
