Betrayed, despite what some have said, I wouldn't read too much into what fantastic sex implied she had with the other man. Back in the mid sixties, when I was a teenager, three of us got lost in Uchee swamp while boar hunting. We spent the night in mid twenties temperatures with nothing to eat and found our way to house on the edge of the swamp the late afternoon of the next day. The elderly black lady who lived in the house gave us cornbread and buttermilk. I remember how that cornbread and buttermilk was better than any Thanksgiving feast as I stuff and swallowed as much as I possibly could. When you're starving, you tend to believe cornbread, a basic food around here anyway, is a gourmet meal.
Betrayed, despite what some have said, I wouldn't read too much into what fantastic sex implied she had with the other man. Back in the mid sixties, when I was a teenager, three of us got lost in Uchee swamp while boar hunting. We spent the night in mid twenties temperatures with nothing to eat and found our way to house on the edge of the swamp the late afternoon of the next day. The elderly black lady who lived in the house gave us cornbread and buttermilk. I remember how that cornbread and buttermilk was better than any Thanksgiving feast as I stuff and swallowed as much as I possibly could. When you're starving, you tend to believe cornbread, a basic food around here anyway, is a gourmet meal.
40th anniversary of the release of "Deliverance" this month, I think.
40th anniversary of the release of "Deliverance" this month, I think.
As a friend of mine from W Va once said bitterly, some kinds of prejudice are still acceptable even though we're supposedly all PC. Posted via Mobile Device
If she sabotages this reconcilliation, it will be with the help of a lot of our own posters. Thank God quite a few posters have been banned lately. I really think several posters get off on stirring up trouble. They do not get what this site is all about. Unfortunately I think they might be just a little sick in the head to.
All the snarky comments to the constant derision of their attempts at reconciliation, it's just getting ridiculous. I think all the venom that I've been reading has actually made me more pro reconciliation.
Emptyinside and Betrayed, I'm praying for you both.
All the snarky comments to the constant derision of their attempts at reconciliation, it's just getting ridiculous. I think all the venom that I've been reading has actually made me more pro reconciliation.
Emptyinside and Betrayed, I'm praying for you both.
I'll admit that, despite my penchant for divorce, I good reconciliation always warms my heart. It makes me feel human, and gives me a bit of hope.
That being said, I feel that Empty Inside is being far too positive - and it comes of as facetious. I get the impression that she's putting on a front, and she's telling everyone what she thinks they want to hear, rather than working on improving herself as a wife and a human being. That's how I read her posts, at least.
It's great that Betrayed1 is addressing his attitudes and flaws with respect to his marriage. I get a strong sense that he is trying to improve himself.
I just don't get that from Empty Inside's posts at all. She says she's changed... but how? Betrayed is giving her all of the attention she could ever have wanted, he's improving himself and working hard to save the marriage. But she should be working on the marriage. Looking back at her latest post, I still see entitlement and excuses.
All the snarky comments to the constant derision of their attempts at reconciliation, it's just getting ridiculous. I think all the venom that I've been reading has actually made me more pro reconciliation.
Emptyinside and Betrayed, I'm praying for you both.
Thank you so much! H and I have appreciated your comments. They haven't leaned to one extreme or another. But, they have encouraged both of us. It seems like so many here want to pit my H and I against each other and I don't think most are understanding that he and I are working and hoping for the same goal. We just aren't taking anything for granted. We know that there is lots of hard work to do. If I appear to be defensive it is because I feel the constant need to defend myself. He and I aren't telling two different versions of the same story. We're telling the same story. It's hard for me to understand why complete strangers appear to be more bitter and resentful towards me than my H is.
Anyway, thank you, again. Your encouragement does help both of us and the personal attacks from some of the others, in fact, does hurt. Not too much.... but a little!
There is so much we are not privy as to their daily interactions that it may be prudent to keep an open mind and let their actions from this point on, speak for them.
Empty Inside, if you continue to do to your husband what I think you intend to do to him I want you to please consider these very important steps:
A) Make sure your birth control methods are still effective!*
B) Ensure you have a good supply of energy drinks and glucose for him and also for you!
* I just recalled I knew of someone close to your age who was sure she could not get pregnant at that age. Fine, strapping son she gave birth to!
Well, thank you for the encouragement! It's already done! I have always been a believer in make-up sex! I just think the making up is so much nicer after a little post coital bliss! I haven't been able to use my powers of persuasion with him in quite some time.... up until now!
As far as the birth control, we figured that out after number 5 and H joined the V-club! LOL
I hadn't thought about the energy drinks (great idea, BTW) but I have stocked up on Sangria and candles!
For a great many people, it means amnesty for the offender and of the consequences that would befall him/her. The problem with this definition is that it makes the offender the beneficiary while the offended getting nothing in return.
But to others, myself included, forgiveness means to accept - not condone - that what was done cannot be undone and to make peace with it, NOT for the benefit of the offender but for the benefit of the offended. This type of forgiveness does not remove the consequences that would befall the offender.
People who subscribe to the former definition of forgiveness are unable to achieve it because it is an emotionally daunting task. It is also dependent on the offender showing true remorse to the offended for his/her transgression(s) which may or may not be present or ever will be.
But those of us who subscribe to the latter definition, forgiveness is an acknowledgement that no matter what the outcome of the situation with the offender is, that in order for us to move on with our lives is to make the decision that anger and bitterness are the toxic twins that will forever follow us and poison our lives IF we consciously allow them to. Here, forgiveness is a conscious choice for the benefit of the offended, not the offender.
I divorced my wife not because I could not forgive her for her affair nor because I no longer loved her, but because at the time it was necessary for me to do so in order to emotionally and psychologically heal myself. And yes, I did forgive her because I subscribe to the latter definition of forgiveness.
Please consider talking with your husband about what I've said. Hopefully he will be intrigued enough to explore this definition of forgiveness and eventually embrace it, for his benefit as well as yours.
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Re: Wife's affair, how to move forward? 
