Yep. Except this is a funeral home where the crematorium has broken and the mortician can't afford to fix it, so there are hundreds of dead bodies buried in shallow graves in the woods behind us.
Hey Bandit.45 (welcome back) MattMatt, and all of you other lovely naysayers. I would take the time to respond to your "raining on my parade," but I just checked my Gmail. Hubby wants to get horizontal.... guess it's time for a little hugging and kissing and lovey-dovey stuff. I'd better get all I can before the anger stage sets in, right? ;-) I'll pick my clothes up off of the floor later........
Hey EI, believe it or not it would sure be nice to have a successful recovery story because this place is as much fun as a funeral home.
Well, you recovered nicely, mori. And, I think it is obvious to everyone that I have completely normalized. I worry about AR, though. And, this poor Beowulf fellow...
You have no idea what anger is yet my friend. Right now you are still in shock from the discovery of the betrayal. It will take you another one or two months to come out of the I.C. unit and actually process what has happened.
After you have come out of this stage, and you are able to stand back and look at what your wife did objectively, in all it's ugly entirety, then the REAL rage will hit you like a typhoon. Words are going to come flying out of your mouth at your wife that you or her have never heard uttered before. You better prepare yourself for this because it is coming.
The process you are going through now is the same one I went through eighteen years ago after my ex's first affair. Count on it to happen.
We all process things differently, we all deal with pain differently, so I disagree here, our therapist does too. He thinks we are well ahead of the game, we are doing things right, connecting, talking..lots and lots of talking. Neither of us ignore a single emotion, we talk it out, we hold nothing back.
Well see I guess. I wont hold back a post if this rage does happen. I don't see why it has to be in stone though, sounds kind of silly to act like everyone processes an affair the same way.
btw. I have already uttered words I am so sorry for and I don't ever plan on repeating them again to her.
Are you making a funny, Big Liam? I think I had sent H an email earlier sayin' "Whatcha doin?" His response was simply "Waitin' for you." I took that as an invitation....
Are you making a funny, Big Liam? I think I had sent H an email earlier sayin' "Whatcha doin?" His response was simply "Waitin' for you." I took that as an invitation....
EI and B1, you guys should read dingerdad and Allybabe_18(hers particularly) threads if you can. Just a grim reminder of what can possibly happen in a failed R.
The wife's(WS) posts were full of remorse and honesty if you can say that. She fell back into the affair and took it underground..
EI and B1, you guys should read dingerdad and Allybabe_18(hers particularly) threads if you can. Just a grim reminder of what can possibly happen in a failed R.
The wife's(WS) posts were full of remorse and honesty if you can say that. She fell back into the affair and took it underground..
I honestly do not see that. She has made a promise to never do that to us again, that if she is going to she will just say she wants out and wants a D, we have both agreed to this.
Also, keep in mind had I been the husband I should have been this NEVER would have happened. Had I been there physically and emotionally, and watered her garden from time to time then this A just flat out would not have happened. We would have sex maybe twice a year, When I say I was shut down please understand, I WAS SHUT DOWN.
No one on this board has a clue as to the cold hearted, un-emotional sob I was. Sure I was nice, didn't abuse physically or verbally, but I was completly absent from our marriage. She point blank told me she would find happiness with or witout me...now if I fall back into that cold sob I know she's gone and I loose her period. If she can't do this R then she simply says she can't and we D. Same with me, if it's not working then we D.
No need to cheat by either one of us. I choose to believe her.
We are in a better position now also, so D is not impossible like it was before. Right now were headed to R and I feel certain that's where we should be.
Sure I am fearful of the bumps and twists and turns on this road but We have weathered many a bad days, months and even years, I think we can weather this one too. We keep talking, commnicating, going to MC and IC and be open and honest we have a great chance at R.
I just don't see her going underground, maybe I'm a fool warlock07 but I just don't see it. But I will and I know she will read those posts, maybe we can glean a little info from it to help us?
I just don't see her going underground, maybe I'm a fool warlock07 but I just don't see it. But I will and I know she will read those posts, maybe we can glean a little info from it to help us?
I get the feeling
but please make sure you do your own verification (thru spying/snooping)- at the very least to help rebuild trust
I know it sounds crazy to say that
but the more you see she is doing what she is saying the more you regain your trust in her
but please make sure you do your own verification (thru spying/snooping)- at the very least to help rebuild trust
I know it sounds crazy to say that
but the more you see she is doing what she is saying the more you regain your trust in her
Not crazy...
I make my living in IT
What I know is that she, so far, is being completly honest and true. She knows that I can and will snoop too, I have all her pswds even to her personal journals, I have remote software installed etc., she is see through right now and is doing that to help me rebuild trust.
Lan line phone records are on the way and cell records are always available to me online. I also have an online account with net detective to trace phone numbers if they are unfamiliar.
The think my post was more aimed towards EI more than you.
Warlock, I am absolutely paying attention to every word you are saying. You have earned my respect in the sense that you have been hurt and are cynical but you do truly hope for the best for people whether together or apart. You've experienced a lot of your own hurts.... you've read a lot here. I don't want a false R any more than you veteran TAM readers want to see, as I'm sure you have seen time and time again here on this board.
I just told my H this morning that I thought it was important that we spend more time talking and digging deeper and not just rug sweeping in a happy land of hysterical bonding. Although the hysterical bonding is wonderful and the intimacy is a big part of what was missing from our life for many years. I know, now, that even the lack of intimacy was a symptom of much deeper issues.
I'm paying attention.... I am reading the stories of others on this board and I am trying to learn everything that I can. We all have our own individual stories. We are all different as far as our healing capabilities go. Some individuals are stronger than others. I am NOT taking anything for granted. I made vows..... I broke them. I know that once broken it would be nearly impossible to trust without hesitation ever again. It might truly be impossible.... and maybe that's okay. Maybe we should all realize that marriage, life, everything is something that should not be taken for granted. We should never assume that because we took vows that that is enough. Vows are more than words. They are a promise to keep on loving, cherishing, honoring, forsaking all others......, etc.
Anyway, gotta run, gotta take our special needs son to visit a new day center that will accommodate the extended hours now that I will be working.
I don't think that anyone ever gets over this type of thing. At best, we can hope to get through it.... together and happy!
No one on this board has a clue as to the cold hearted, un-emotional sob I was. Sure I was nice, didn't abuse physically or verbally, but I was completly absent from our marriage. She point blank told me she would find happiness with or witout me...now if I fall back into that cold sob I know she's gone and I loose her period. If she can't do this R then she simply says she can't and we D. Same with me, if it's not working then we D.
I've got to say something. You were NEVER a cold hearted sob. You did shut down emotionally and physically. First on me, then I felt that you even were shutting down on the kids. It was then that I realized that it wasn't about me.... it was something deep inside of you and I couldn't fix it. I began to feel "entitled" to find my own happiness and I think you felt "entitled" to continue wallowing in self-misery and you just believed that no matter what I was saying that I would stay there with you. I told you that I couldn't.... but you didn't listen. I didn't see a way out. We have to figure out what we should have done at that point last year in order to make sure that it never happens again. We were, both, so broken.
We're both listening now. Let's see if we can really fix this.... I want to and I think you do, too! But, let's do the work..... no rug sweeping, okay?
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Re: Wife's affair, how to move forward? 
