I am the husband of empty inside, thread titled "How much detail". I cannot argue with my wifes post, it's pretty accurate, I was void of emotion, feelings, of life in general. Life had chewed me up and spit me out. My wife did try everything to get my attention, therapy, lost weight, bought sexy oufits, clothes etc.. she did try but I was just not available. So...
I knew there was a 3mo affair last year in Feb through April and we dealt with that last year. I thought there was NC since. Boy was I wrong.
I found out a few weeks ago they were talking again (via phone records again)and she said that they started talking again a few months ago and that was it. Then she admitted to dinner and lunch a few times...again we dealt with it, she established NC and has been NC since. I have FB passwords, phone records, she has opened everything up to me.
She posted on here about her situation and got blasted, and got angry but overall it helped her.
Now, as of yesterday, she has confessed that the affair really picked back up in July last year and lasted until a few weeks ago. This was a emotional and very sexual affair, they were pretty much dating, going out to dinner,lunch etc. he has her picture on his mantel!
I am so lost and confused now, I dont know what I am supposed to do? I forgave the 3mo. affair. and even the, what I thought was a 3mo EA, We never really dealt with it though, a few counseling sessions etc. but never really talked much.
This time when I though it was just an EA for a few months we have talked more and cried more than ever, well I cried more than ever..the pain is just so raw and unbelievable. NC had been established, not sure though were we are going right now. Not sure of anything except I hurt, I ache, and yes I take blame in the breakdown of our marriage and the emotional neglect but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I do love her, I am in love with her, part of me wants to work it out and part wants to say go away, she is being open and honest now and the truth hurts, and my imagination of porn start sex is pretty much validated too. God, how do I compete, how do I go on, how do I trust, how do I ever make love to her again knowing she had the best sex ever for 16 months. I am rambling now...sorry.
I think I want to work it out, she said she held this truth back waiting for counseling to tell about it becuase she knew it would be the nail in the coffin. She still isn't ready for a heart felt sorry, she still gets defensive a bit and points out my faults as to why she did it. And there is truth to the why, I was neglectful, she tried to seduce me but I was a cold wall of silence. btw. the other man had said he would not commit, would never marry and he didn't like the fact she was married, nice stand up guy huh.
Also, she has been tested for STD's, everything is good there.
I am on testosterone injections which have helped immensley, that was a huge part of the problem.
Counseling is also scheduled for both of us.
am I an idiot for wanting to work it out, is it possible, can I trust again, when will my imagination stop running wild?
Thanks for anyone who gives there inupt, good or bad, your time is appreciate.
Can you trust her again? She lied and cheated repeatedly. Why is it different this time?
With the resentment she has for you, earning trust will be hard. Without trust, there is no marriage. Why do you want her back? is there enough love left in the marriage. The mind movies will be there for a long time to come
She still isn't ready for a heart felt sorry, she still gets defensive a bit and points out my faults as to why she did it. And there is truth to the why, I was neglectful, she tried to seduce me but I was a cold wall of silence. btw. the other man had said he would not commit, would never marry and he didn't like the fact she was married, nice stand up guy huh.
This is why it is going to extremely difficult. As it has been pointed out several times in your wife's thread, she doesn't show remorse and claims that it is you that made her cheat.
I struggle with this myself and it is very uphill, when your spouse doesn't see that it is their own choice to cheat.
You take part of the blame for the breakdown of your marriage, she must do that as well. But the choice to cheat, that's on her, all alone. Always remember this.
Hi b1.just wondering what's left to save? Your WW made it very clear in her post that she doesn't love you and is in love with OM.Her posts seems more about easing her conscience.Can you see this ever really being resolved?
Hi b1.just wondering what's left to save? Your WW made it very clear in her post that she doesn't love you and is in love with OM.Her posts seems more about easing her conscience.Can you see this ever really being resolved?
She had explanations for everything except the repeated lying and deceit. Atleast she should have broken up or decided to divorce after the first D-day. But she took it underground and continued it. She did not mention this part in her post, right?
OP--my advice is to file for divorce. In her thread she makes it clear she is "in love" with the other man. That isn't just your garden variety affair. She is emotionally invested.
You can both move on to find something more beneficial to you.
am I an idiot for wanting to work it out, is it possible, can I trust again, when will my imagination stop running wild?
Can you trust her? No. You should never trust any woman to stay faithful when her emotional needs are not being met. You learned this the hard way. Now your wife experienced having her needs met the way she was aching for. You should know that it's always a possiblity / probablity that she will gravitate toward it again. However, look at it this way. You were a man defeated by life, afraid of everything, depressed. This is why she went away from you. A man who decides that this is what he wants to do, takes ownership for his actions, and takes a risk that it may not all work out is the same man your wife is attracted to.
Are you an idiot? I would look at it as a chance to improve yourself to be attractive to a woman. You made many mistakes and if you ever get with a new woman and do the same mistakes, the same end result will occur. So, you have a chance to learn how to be an attractive man, with a woman who seems to be willing to stick with you. You will learn alot. So, rather than be all weepy and hurt, take ownership for your role and own the reasons you want to work it out.
OP, your wife put the OM on the pedestal as a sex god. Can you get over that? Even now, she wants to fix because what the OM told her.(yeah, right. he asked her to fix the marriage after f*cking her for 18 months. Most likely he wants to get rid of her. ). She does not want to look bad before the OM. So she will try half heartedly for a while on her terms. This will slowly kill you. Unless she begs to make the marriage work on your terms, you have no business of trying to reconcile.
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Wife's affair, how to move forward? 
