I also received the I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore spiel about two years ago. Her two closest friends are admitted adulterers, both of which she runs with frequently
These two statements tell you all you need to know.
"I love you but I'm not in love with you" means "I'm in love with someone else" about 100% of the time.
Your wife's best friends are continually selling her on cheating. They have a little cheater's support network going. Your posts contain many details that your wife is involved in a cheater lifestyle. She wants to stay married to you for the financial security and familial stability you provide, but she sees no reason why she shouldn't have the excitement and enjoyment of affairs. She has had multiple affairs in the past, and she actively seeks out affair partners whenever she can. She is, in effect, living a secret single lifestyle, going on dates and meeting up for sex. There may have been one or two in the past where she developed an emotional attachment as well, that is when your sex life dropped off and she gave you the "I love you but I'm not in love with you."
You've been married 10 years and she keeps her accounts password protected from you. What could possibly be in there that she doesn't want you to see or know about?
Your wife seems to be amused by your "jealousy" and "paranoia." Do you think she would take a polygraph on whether she has cheated on you in the past if it would help you stop being "jealous" or "paranoid" going forward?
old saying " lay down with dogs, get up with fleas ". now for some truth. you are not doing the kids any favor staying with a cheater. kids know. they feel it. saying you looking for a reason to breakup the family, is her guilt tripping you. so you either accept her cheating, and learn to be a paycheck, or manup and pull the trigger. was other couples separated at the dinner?? if not, you was dissed in front of everyone, and took it like they knew you would. food for thought, ever DNA the first child ??
Investigate and read the two books mentioned before.
VAR in her car is the most important tool. She may have a burner phone. She may be confiding in friends also.
Check numbers she is calling texting with phone bill.
Keylog her computer for secret emails etc.
VARs usually work in a few days if something is going on.
Best bet, though not 100%, is a PI.
Good luck
Realize that she may be ahead of the game because of her cheating friends. That is, they may be very knowledgeable about how to hide it, and may be advising her and giving her tips.
PLEASE read the books chap recommended, NMMNG and MMSL. Many forum members swear by them. They will give you a lot of guidance in how to handle yourself moving forward.
Prior to planning a marriage, my wife became pregnant. She, out of fear and uncertainty, moved out of our apartment five months before delivering our child. I followed her across country, proposed and she put the marriage off once before finally marrying.
This seems odd.What was her fear and uncertainty? Also seems like you had to talk her into marriage,and if so, why was she averse to it?
FYI in regards to the AT & T Data message that says phone. I to thought this was suspect but found out it is a nightly data sync. you will notice it happens about the same time most nights.
My gut says there is something way wrong, but I have no proof. She has changed all her passwords after I had her laptop, as she found out I had it. I started checking phone records again, but nothing is conclusive, although there are no numbers associated with data usage for some records, it just says phone in att records.
I have never jumped on the "serve her the papers" "pack her bags this instant"
BUT sadly in this case I will - imo right there "she changed her passwords" is all the proof you need.
This is done and dusted
You're struggling and fighting with it but inside you know you're on the money with this.
Get the laptop (and her mobile) out in front of her and slowly and calmly ask her what the passwords are because you would like to see every single email, text, account she has on there and to be happy for your own sanity that she is not the lying deceiving cheating scumbag you suspect she might be. Look her in the eye and say 'If you force me to make you be honest with me then that's what we'll do - passwords please'
As I said to my stbxw a while back "If there's nothing to be found you should be happy for me to see anything on there"
In my case after a period of denial she collapsed in about 3 seconds flat and admitted it (some of it)
I hate these kinds of situations. God bless men everywhere. She's cheating on you, man. Give her papers now. You may be tempted to follow this to see where it leads but it will bring nothing but misery, pain and confirmation of what you already know. Teach her a lesson. Surprise her with papers. You can look for more concrete evidence if you want but I think you have reason based solely on her characteristics-- she sits with other men and not you? That is blatant disrespect, and she's throwing her sinful lifestyle in your face. Surprise her with papers. She's a cake-eater, man.
I hate these kinds of situations. God bless men everywhere. She's cheating on you, man. Give her papers now. You may be tempted to follow this to see where it leads but it will bring nothing but misery, pain and confirmation of what you already know. Teach her a lesson. Surprise her with papers. You can look for more concrete evidence if you want but I think you have reason based solely on her characteristics-- she sits with other men and not you? That is blatant disrespect, and she's throwing her sinful lifestyle in your face. Surprise her with papers. She's a cake-eater, man.
Name.User, first of all Happy Father's Day! You deserve so much more than the treatment that this vile woman has given you. Declare today your 'Independence Day' and start preparing for a life without her in it.
FYI in regards to the AT & T Data message that says phone. I to thought this was suspect but found out it is a nightly data sync. you will notice it happens about the same time most nights.
LOL I wondered about that myself a time or two. But then, I compared my data with his (same account) and they are roughly the same times day and night. And, considering I have access to email, cell, everything...and he has no chat apps on his phone, I am confident there still is NC. Oh, and yes, he has access to all of my communications as well.
Tell her she is disrespecting you and your marriage.
Let her know you WILL NOT put up with this.
As Will Kane said, she's hanging around in your marriage for security and stability. You have to threaten to remove this security and stability.
Of course, it might go down in such a fashion that she decides to pack up and leave... But ask her how many of her friendly-fling suitors are really going to be interested in looking after a woman with a child, who they would already know has a habit of straying? Answer is probably none.
Lay it all out on the table for her in one swift blow, and TAKE CONTROL. Tell her what needs to happen (quit this 'cheater lifestyle') and what the consequences will be if she refuses (divorce?)
It sounds a patronising, and I apologise... but she needs to grow up. Continuing to 'seek thrills' thinkg she'll always have you to fall back on is insulting to you and your marriage. Breaks my heart when people have such disregard for their partners
Sorry if this sounded really forward... but H just taught me some kick-boxing moves and I'm really pumped lol.
I hope all turns out well for you... Take control of the situation!! Make sure she knows that if she wants to stay married to you and keep her family intact, she needs to get her head screwed on straight and behave herself.... especially if this is just a habit of 'naughty behaviour' and she hasn't had a PA yet. In which case you have to kick this now to make sure she never even considers it after.
My gut says there is something way wrong, but I have no proof. She has changed all her passwords after I had her laptop, as she found out I had it. I started checking phone records again, but nothing is conclusive, although there are no numbers associated with data usage for some records, it just says phone in att records.
Thus far I have not tailed her or done anything creepy and wish to refrain from doing so.
What to do?
Ok, you want to refrain from doing anything 'creepy'.... what do YOU define as 'creepy'? Is is creepy to check her cell phone periodically? Not just the usage online, but the phone ITSELF. Does she have ANY chat apps on her phone? Some of them can be set up so you actually save all conversations, or you can choose to delete them all. Some are like texts and can only be deleted if you choose to delete them. I used to have each type on my phone. The ones which are most common, nearly everyone is familiar with them on the computer and on the phones: facebook, yahoo, msn, aim, and even twitter. ON android phones, I know you get gmail/google chat preloaded. However, there are PLENTY of others that are a bit less common. For instance, igotchat, text+ (text plus). Text+ gives you a "new number" which you give to friends, and they text that number. As long as you initiate the conversation, it is free, if i remember correctly. It only shows up in data usage, not in texting, because you are not using your texting. Igotchat doesn't give you a new number, but it is data usage based. You choose an ID like on yahoo/msn/aim. You don't have the option of deleting select messages, it's "all or nothing".... And if the app is on the phone, but no conversations are still on it, either she never used it, or deleted the conversation(s). Chances are, if she got these programs and there are NOT any conversations at ALL... well, you know she deleted things she didn't want you to see.
Also, you can send pics via these programs, much like texting. Texting, you have to consciously save the pics to the phone. With programs like igotchat, it automatically saves the pic to either camera or to downloads once you open it. Any/all pics sent this way. My former EA partner sent my hubby a pic of his wife once thru igotchat. It was a small pic when it showed up on the screen, so hubby clicked on it. He was disgusted. She had no issue with her hubby sending the pic...that's how she is. Anyway, just by clicking, hubby ended up saving the pic. He had to actually go into his pics and delete it from the phone.
Anyway, look for some of those apps and see if you can possibly set any up to save the chats so you would be able to read them.
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Re: I love you but I'm not in love with you 
