Do not give her any money. None. You have no responsibility to pay for her to move out. She has a home, she is choosing to leave.
Contact the OMs parents and inform them of the situation. Simply state, you have discovered your wife is having an affair with their son. You and the kids are staying in the family home, and you believe your wife is planning on leaving to be with her affair partner. She is not being threatened or abused by you. You are caring for the children and will make sure they are safe and happy. You expect them to consider these facts if he shows up at their home looking for support or a place to live. She has a home, but refuses to live there. She has a husband and family,but is having an affair which she refuses to end. Posted via Mobile Device
I can't help but think he is out there right now doing the exact opposite of everything we have recommended.
He's getting some parts right but he seems too besotted to get tough with her, which he really needs to do. Staying out of the house is very shortsighted.
His wife feels so empowered she thinks is superman and this self confidence along with the total lack of empathy can be scaring. BUt she's way less powerful then she thinks. Right now she's no more than a bully.
Back home, VAr in pocket, hard 180, the best parent you can be.
Self respect.
Now the other question I have is do I reach out to the OM and say anything?
Why? He didn't give a damn about your marriage, why would he care what you have to say to him? Personally, I would expose to his parents about what he's doing. I'm sure mom would be really proud of her little boy sleeping with a married woman and destroying a family. Yeah, they'll welcome the relationship with open arms! That would put a major strain on their relationship.
I would also inquire about alienation of affection suit with a lawyer. Chances are the lawyer will say it's a waste of time. But, they work for you. If you want to try and sue him, it's not for them to say no. You may not win, but you will scare the ever lovin sh*t out of him. More than likely, he'll throw her under the bus stating that this chick isn't worth all of the drama.
SO! you are showing her that you have a spine after all and aren't going to play nice by HER rules. So, now she's threatening divorce.....blah...blah.... let it roll off of your back. DO NOT GET DRAWN INTO AN ARGUEMENT WITH HER!!! All it takes is for her to call the cops and say she's frightened by your presence and they'll ask you to leave. While you're gone, she gets an RO out on you. So, listen to LordMayhem. He's absolutely right. Get a VAR and record any conversation with her from this point out.
And go home!!! You pay the morgage on the place, if she doesn't like you there, she can get the hell out! No point of you living somewhere else away from your kids when you don't have to!
Mac, my ex used to work out with the chubby neighbor girl across the street. Pretty thing, but could stand to lose a few pounds. Interestingly, when she started to lose the weight the husband put the kibosh on her going to the gym. My ex told me that he was concerned that she would lose the weight and leave him. At the time, I thought that he was being a selfish jerk. Little did I know how smart this guy really was.
Perhaps this guy had been with a woman that cheated prior and new the signs.
This is in the same category as the studied that showed that jealous possessive spouses are cheated on far less often.
I hear often hear on TAM that the spouse who was cheated on was not jealous or possessive and gave the cheating spouse plenty of space and free time.
I know I did because I always heard that doing so would make a marriage stronger.
Now I know how illogical that logic is.
My spouse simply took advantage of my trust in him and all the free time I gave him.
We don't like to admit it, but betrayed spouses follow their own script at times, too.
It's like a slow motion train wreck. Nooooooo, dooooon't.....oops, too late.
OP, I made LOTS of mistakes because I had no advice. Please don't follow in my footsteps.
I agree.
Please do not make the mistakes other BS's have. We, too, are in a fog, a fog of denial and shock.
Please do not move out of your house. Use a VAR when you talk to her so she can't make false accusations of abuse or illegal activity.
Do not trust her, now. My Cheating spouse hacked into my email accounts and made all sorts of false accusations about me. Mostly projections of the things he had done.
I started calling it the smog. It's everybit as debilitating as the DS fog. In many cases, this desparation and denial does even more damage and criples any real chance the marraige had of surviving the affair.
So as you can imagine it has been tough for me torn between my emotions. I have tried the 180, but she continues to text/call. She often texts or says it has something to do about the kids and then switches to how I feel etc and starts asking questions like what if we stay together or what if we get divorced.
I ended up in her email yesterday and found some interesting pictures of her and OM inside my house. Nothing sexual just hanging out photos. I also found out that she must be spinning some type of lie to the OM parents as he wanted to actually reach out to me and he referred to me as the ex already.
Here is the issue. I call this man and tell him the real deal she hates me forever and embarasses the entire family within the community.
Today she asked if I missed her or she freaks out if i don't call or text back.
I have the assumption that she is now using email correspondence to talk to OM, but i do not know if she cut off all contact. There are so many lies and weird **** between what I found out etc that I do not know what to believe anymore. I can also tell from the phone records that she contacted a lawyer, but only because I had said that I did.
I am trying to go to the gym and trying to eat, but it is very hard.
I will be returning to the house on friday and staying there indefinitely until the end of this thing. It is going to be a huge struggle for me however I have to man up and do it.
Note to people always remember to delete your sent file.
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Re: Just found out about my wife's affair 
That would put a major strain on their relationship.
