That's the way its supposed to be IHMO. Both my pay and my fWWs pay is our money. My ex BIL was like that, he didn't want my sister to work, that he should be the one earning the money. He felt insecure that my sister was working.
Yeah, it's nice. My fiance says I won't have to work again. but then I will need to follow him in his career. he mentioned that his company may have some opportunity in the far east. It's give and take.
you can be sure, though, I won't be a cashier in a grocery store. I'll either be volunteering or do some contract work. and also networking so that I can meet interesting people for both of us to get to know.
Yes. The nursing profession has a lot of part time opportunities and they can find work anywhere in the U.S.
I had a very high paid Nurse Manager in counseling years ago who quit and became a janitor due to burn out. People take jobs for any number of reasons. I don't question where she is working in this case, or her background, etc. It is what the he*l she is doing with this kid that is so troubling.
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This kind of cosmic dumbassery occupies a temporal plane of ineptitude and lack of reason so profound a Zen master could spend a lifetime meditating upon its philosophical consequences.”
I had a very high paid Nurse Manager in counseling years ago who quit and became a janitor due to burn out. People take jobs for any number of reasons. I don't question where she is working in this case, or her background, etc. It is what the he*l she is doing with this kid that is so troubling.
but maybe she also needed to work/ the money and therefore couldn't be choosy.
but maybe she also needed to work/ the money and therefore couldn't be choosy.
No. The husband mentioned she did not need to work. She wanted to because she was bored. So isn't a grocery store clerk a kind of boring job?
I agree with thorburn that nursing is a high burn out profession.
Still, IMO, the point others are making is did she take this grocery clerk job to be near this boy she has a crush on because clerking in not an interesting job, it's a job you take to earn money, not to stimulate your mind and alleviate boredom.
Also, if money is no object as the husband implied, then why not volunteer at a museum or take a class or whatever?
No. The husband mentioned she did not need to work. She wanted to because she was bored. So isn't a grocery store clerk a kind of boring job?
I agree with thorburn that nursing is a high burn out profession.
Still, IMO, the point others are making is did she take this grocery clerk job to be near this boy she has a crush on because clerking in not an interesting job, it's a job you take to earn money, not to stimulate your mind and alleviate boredom.
Also, if money is no object as the husband implied, then why not volunteer at a museum or take a class or whatever?
It depends. I mean, yes, it is a repetitive job in some ways... but seeing some of the people who come in... you would be surprised. You do develop a rapport with some customers, as in almost any job. You get your regulars, who will come in when they know you are working because you are friendly, or fast, etc. But I DO agree...she likely took this job to be close to the boy... or to meet someone new, where it wouldn't be suspicious, and under the guise of "I want to earn a little spending money of my own"
She may have just taken the job b/c it's low pressure. Kind of like Kevin Spacey working a fast food joint in the movie American Beauty. I worked as a waiter in college, and one night I spoke with a new hostess. She had burnt out as a nurse, and wanted a job with close to zero pressure...no matter what it paid (min wage in this case).
Of course, none of this excuses the wife for her shyte behavior.
It makes me wonder though how she behaved in the medical profession. I mean she interacted with a lot of doctors young and old. So this may not be her first rodeo.
That said, I wonder when we will see post #2 from the OP.
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Last edited by Entropy3000; 06-19-2012 at 03:07 PM.
It makes me wonder though how she behaved in the medical profession. I mean she interacted with a lot of doctors tyoung and old. So this may not be her first rodeo.
That said, I wonder when we will see post #2 from the OP.
I was wondering that by the second page.
I hope he is not a troll.
With that said, I lurked here for awhile, but did not take the advice. It seemed waaaay too harsh and skewed toward show the cheater the door.
I regretted that later after learning more about my cheating spouse. Sigh.
Anyway, maybe we scared him off the board for awhile.
__________________
This kind of cosmic dumbassery occupies a temporal plane of ineptitude and lack of reason so profound a Zen master could spend a lifetime meditating upon its philosophical consequences.”
I can't add any more to what has already been said about this being an EA and that it has to stop. What you do need to know is what is going to happen.
Either she is completely remorseful, breaks down, then confesses everything, quits her job at the grocery store and goes NC with this boy.....OR the most likely event:
She will get ANGRY and indignant about you reading her email and invading her privacy. She will try to make this the focus of the argument instead of her having an EA with this boy.
She will gas light you (google this) trying to make you think that you're crazy and jealous and that this is a harmless flirtation with this boy, how he's too young for her and that she was just having a little fun that went too far. But in the end she will insist on that you're just jealous.
She will blameshift - meaning that because you ignored her, or didn't pay her enough attention, blah, blah, blah, this is all your fault
You should respond that you're not crazy, or jealous, that the red flags you were receiving by her actions gave you the right to check her email. Tell her this is NOT jealous or controlling, this is protecting your marriage! Privacy is when you shut the door when you just the bathroom. What she wants is secrecy, and there should be no secrets in a marriage.
Do not accept any blame for her EA, that's entirely upon her. You were only responsible for 50% of the state of the marriage before the affair, she is 100% responsible for the cheating.
I agree with all of this , except I would not dignify her protestations with any response or explanton justifying my demands.
First off, you will be arguing with an idiot.
Second, she deserves no explanation.
If she tries to engage in blameshifting/gaslighting. just walk away in silence. Or say "tough".
Looks like a post and run, didn't even stick around to read any replies. Maybe he'll come back.
I didn't run. It's been a weird couple of days.
Things here are mellow, but tense at the same time. I am really bummed, confused, ashamed, clueless, etc...
I am not going to make a big deal out of this for a couple of reasons:
First, we have a 6 year old boy with autism. If we split up, I lose my boy. I don't care what anyone says about divorce court and child custody, I'm the one with the penis, therefore, I will pay child support and only get to see my kid every other weekend. Women usually don't buy this but I have seen it with nearly every friend that I have that is divorced. The woman gets custody, whether she's right or wrong.
Second, I have too much invested. I refuse to start over. I have worked too hard. She stuck with me through two tours in Iraq, she paid off all of our bills, cars and everything while I was gone. She could have taken me to the cleaners, but she didn't.
I don't want to be looked at as Robert Deniro's character in 'Casino', and I'm sure that I do, but I just can't break it off. I know that she will move back to the west coast, and I would never find a job there that pays as well or offers the benefits that my job here in NC offers.
I gamble if I stick with this. I will absolutely lose everything if I break this up.
This kid that she was talking to really blew off her comments. He never engaged anything, almost like he was scared. Personally, I would have jumped at the chance if I was him, but he just kind of giggles it off. I know this doesn't mean a damn thing, but there were no Rico Suave messages from him. He is a nerdy kid. I would be in county lock-up now if he was hitting on her, but there was absolutely nothing there to acknowledge anything that she had said.
I have spoken to nobody that I know about this. I have only vented on here. Everyone has a 'throw the ***** out' approach, and I don't have the heart. She stuck with me when I came back from Iraq and I couldn't sleep, and had difficulty adjusting back into civilian life. She's warm and very nice and an awesome mom. This kind of stuff isn't in her character, or never has been before. I can't live without my boy. He needs me every day, and I spent many, many months away from him while I was in the desert, and I refuse to ever do it again. I'm hurting, really ****ing bad, and needed somewhere to vent.
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Re: Wife flirts to make friends 
